What do kids really think about joint custody and splitting weekends between parents?

Question

I am a single mother my kids are 9 and 5. I think they tell me only what they think I want to hear about being kids of divorce so I am looking for some kids whose parents are divorced to get real with me. Do you wish you could not be bounced back and forth? Do you wish you had more choices? More stability? Aside from your parents being together- what would make you happiest with a custody arrangement? What do you like? What don't you like? I am asking because I want to do the right thing for my kids, my judgement my be clouded by what I want (which is to never give them up) but thats natural. Someone please tell me how you really feel out there!!!

Answer 1

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to be there and listen to them. Being that they are your "babies" they are not going to want to hurt your feelings. I have seen so many kids who tell their parents what they think will make that parent happy and it kills me because the kids are usually pretty miserable. I've seen quite a few cases work, but it takes both parents to reach alot of compromise and set aside their own differences and just focus on the kids. A case that stands out in my mind was the parents of three children who just could not get it together after the divorce. They battled, the kids were a mess and the parents were more interested in their own feelings. I sent them both to a parenting class for divorced parents and then I watched in amazement as things unfolded. This set of parents literally sat down with the children and asked them what they could do to make it better. The kids gave their ideas and to my surprise the parents complied. This meant, both parents were to attend all school functions and extra curricular activities. Neither parent could speak negatively of the other. When it came time for visitation, each parent had to encourage the children to have fun by the other parent, and tell them that they had things to get done and would be just fine. Alot of times, the added stress from a child comes from the idea that the parent they aren't with, is sitting at home missing them terribly. Even if it is the case, the children do NOT need to know this. Another thing they learned was to talk friendly in front of the children at all times. Even if you have to fake it. If you argue, the children feel as though they have to take sides. And the last thing that worked wonders was the visitation agreement. The court order is a guideline, not something set in stone. You and your ex can play it by ear with the children. If they want to be by dad's when it's not his day, let them and vice versa.

Now I'll speak from experience, I raised my step daughter from the time she was five. periodically her mother came in and out of her life like the wind. This tore my daughter up inside and landed us in counseling more times than I care to count. Even though I never spoke ill of her mother, the distance created this great need to be accepted and loved by her "real' mom. My daugher practically stood on her head to get her mother to notice her...sadly it never happened. Don't let that happen to the kids. No matter what the differences are with your ex, it is IMPERATIVE that those children are put first at all times. Make them feel important, let them know and reassure them that both mom and dad love them.

You sound like a great mom who really loves her kids enough to take advice from other kids who have been in the situation. My heart tells me that you are going to be just fine, as well as your children. Please take the advice and use it, it'll will help you.

Answer 2

My ex and I alternate weeks. One week with her and one week with me. We switch on Sundays. The kids like it they like being with both of us. I don't think they would have it any other way. If anything....they would spend less time with their mom. We have joint custody.

I like this arrangement because I can participate in a meaningful way regarding the raising my children. I have them enough that I can influence and shape their minds. And the week I don't have them, I get to go out and do adult things and socialize. It's the best under the circumstances.

Answer 3

they dont like it i asked my 9 year old in general and he hates it but sometimes enjoy going to his dads but not every second weekend he just wants to go whene he wants to go not to be forced by an order

Answer 4

it really doesn't matter what they think, the court has already told the parents how things are going to be.

Answer 5

I don't know but I wish you and your family all the best!!

Answer 6

It sucks.