For the past 7 weeks he has held onto me and cried when he sees her and when she takes him from me. I think this situation is becoming too stressful for him but I need suggestions on how to lessen the impact. I have suggested to his mother that she may want to get off the phone when she picks him up and possibly bring him a balloon since he is so fond of them. What else can I suggest? His mother does not want to discuss this issue with me. He is 13 months old.
2006-08-27 17:20:30 · 5 answers · asked by oythebumbler 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She doesn't want to discuss the issue, because she feels like she is being rejected by her child. She feels like he picks you over her, and that is damaging to her ego. However, that is not the issue at hand. I stated this to remind you that her feelings, however misplaced, will create a communication barrier between you.
You also need to realize that you CAN'T change the mother of your child. You can't rationalize whether she should or shouldn't do something. So, if she refuses to acknowledge your attempts to co-parent through this, then you must do things on your end to simply ease the stress.
I agree with your assertion that she should not be on the phone, and possibly bring something special with her, but, again, she will do whatever she likes.
SO, some possibilities to de-stress the situation are:
let him take something special in mom's car. Tell him it's his car buddy or his car blankie. (be creative)
start talking about mommy hours before she gets there. periodically go to a window and say "where's mommy?" in happy, excited tones, when she arrives, get excited and say "THERE's MOMMY!!!"
You might mention to mommy any other situations that he is struggling with, in order to take the focus off of "he doesn't want to go with YOU" like: " I noticed he has a hard time transitioning from play to nap time or from my house to grammas....do you think this is part of him having some transition difficulty?" Mom will be less defensive. If you can engage her in conversation, you may be able to get HER suggestions about how to help him through.
Remember, he is 13 months old, and you have at least 2 more decades to parent across from his mom. Any chance you have to delicately develop better communication will pay off in the long run. Try to keep the focus on what your son is doing, not on what his mom is NOT doing.
If you have a group in your area, I'd check out parenting through divorce classes (even if there wasn't a divorce, the classes have much to offer), and single parenting groups. Seriously, they can help so much in ways that you would never anticipate. Many of them are free.
Be positive, and be loving to your son.
you will do fine.
On a further note, after reading some other posts, I agree that his environment at mom's should be scrutinized as to whether he is properly cared for, and people are not hurting him. Defending your children is priority no.1!! Stop at nothing to protect him if he is, indeed, abused.
2006-08-27 17:45:48 · answer #1 · answered by sexymommyof3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids r very perceptive so if u r uptight about her picking him up then he will be 2. make it a fun experience 4 him no matter what she is acting like ( i deal with this all the time when I let my grandson go 2 his other grandmothers, n she is just an *** about it but oh well) talk ur ex up 2 the child make it a fun thing tell him things like wow ur going 2 go 4 a ride with mommy, ur gonna go have so much fun. try 2 chill ur attitude n it should help him. good luck but just remember terrible 2's r on the way n then well u will not be able 2 keep up with his mood swings lol. let alone understand them all
2006-08-27 17:26:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he always do this? If there was a time before this started where he liked to go with his mom then the change could mean that there is something wrong when he goes with his mom. Is it possible that he is being neglected somehow when he goes to see his mom, another person in her house who doesn't love him as you do? Odd that a child that young doesn't want to see mom. Just be careful, little ones can't always tell you when someone is hurting them. That is what was happening in this case...http://www.codiaston.com/
2006-08-27 17:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by 1 Supermom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buying him a balloon would be like having to buy his love this is her son he should want to go with her and if you are not projecting a negative image of her towards him then maybe you need to do some investigation how is he when he comes home has he had a good time? Something is going on if your not influencing him then i would check into it she could be abusing him
2006-08-27 17:32:36 · answer #4 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
welll the truth is really can't do anything but try to tell him he'll be ok , and that u love him, and just try to tal k to her no matter what problems u have , children have to come first and make sure she knows that,
2006-08-27 17:28:31 · answer #5 · answered by rachel m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋