Open to Sex Answers?

Question

I am opening my heart out here and thank you all for helping me with some answers. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. He has always had this problem especially the past three years sometimes he is totally hard and rocking my world and other times he has an erection but I can't feel anything. Back in the winter I finally told him sometimes I can't feel it and I think this might make him nervous. The last time we had sex I couldn't really feel it like an erection but soft before that he ask me if it was hard I said kinda and he said there you go you ruined it for me so we couldn't have sex. Tonight he said I am too tired for sex are you tired I said yea. Then I got to thinking where it the thrill?
So when he went to bed I ask him how come we don't have sex anymore he said well you said you were tired. I have to say I have messed him up on sex for a long time he would want sex and I wouldn't give it now he says he has got use to not having it. But I feel so bad now...

Answer 1

don't sweat it wasent your falt

Answer 2

Are you practicing yor Kegels? That is the exercise that helps women build the vaginal muscle nd make sex more exciting for themselves. It seems like your husband has suffered a blow to his ego. You told him that you did not feel anything (basically saying he wasn't good enough). If you want to restore the joy in your sex life you might want to try just cuddling and stuff without the expectation of sex. Sex is not the beginning of something...sex should be the culmination of a relationship that is filled with love, respect, understanding , support, etc. The thrill in sex should not just come from your husband...you have a responsibility to make sex as thrilling as you expect it to be. I am a firm believer that if you don't come willing to put antyhing into it, you won't get anything out of it. There are many ways to obtain satifaction and intimacy without coitus. I copied this from the web page listed. There is a wealth of informtion there.
Top 10 Ways to Create More Intimacy Today
From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
Intimacy in your marriage involves more than having good sex. Intimacy is achieved when the two of you can share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings with one another.
Your marital intimacy is also strengthened when you two are spending time as a couple, having fun together, and surprising one another. So do it! Do something today so you and your spouse can be more intimate!

1) Leave a Romantic Note for Your Spouse
Although what you say in the love note is important, where you leave the love note is important, too!

2) Give a Small Gift ... Just Because You Love Your Spouse
Receiving or giving an unexpected gift is a true delight.

3) Take a Walk Together
Surprise your spouse with a long, romantic kiss and a suggestion to take a walk together.

Make sure you hold hands while you walk. Think about taking that walk in the moonlight on a pleasant evening or in a spring rain.

4) Watch a Romantic Movie
Snuggle together on the couch with some popcorn and enjoy a romantic movie together.

5) Have a Picnic
Put a blanket on the floor in your bedroom and enjoy an intimate picnic with one another. Or go to a pretty park for the picnic, or have a Silly Supper instead of a picnic.

6) Get Frisky
Make out in the backseat of your car or rent a motel room close by your home. One night stands together are great!

7) Have a Lunch Date
Make some couple time for one another by scheduling a lunch date.

8) Have Fun Together
Whether it is going on a spontaneous trip, dancing, hiking, walking on a beach, washing your car, going antiquing, seeing a show, reading a book together, hosting a party for friends, etc., having fun together is critical for the success of your marriage.

9) Deepen Your Relationship
Making time to deepen your relationship with one another is a wonderful way to create intimacy in your lives. Try some of these activities.

10) Say "I Love You"
Sure, you say "I love you" to your spouse in words - but there are other meaningful ways to say "I love you."

Answer 3

It's okay. Married couples go through increasing and decreasing sex lives (and libidos) for the entire period of their marriage. What you both need right now, unless you're considering sex therapy, is to talk, talk, talk. You need to get back to basics and try to relax with each other. The fact is that if your husband has made you feel out of this world, he probably will do so again. You need to rediscover each other's bodies and what turns you on and what works for you and him. And there's no need for every sex session to lead to penetration....there are other ways for pleasuring each other. You can try sensual massages and other erotic pleasures that will make him hard enough to give you sensation on penetration. You could also try new positions like placing your legs on his shoulders but both on one shoulder. You can explore ivillage and Cosmopolitan online for great ideas and new positions. Try to talk to him about this as gently as possible because knowing that his wife isn't getting enough pleasure is a bad hit for a man's ego but at the same time, do express how you feel rather than resenting it. Good luck.

Answer 4

He could be masturbating on the side. I would check the computer history and see where he's been.

That activity can have harmful effects in marriage including but not limited to ...soft erection (what you have described), lack of sexual desire, lack of intimacy, feelings of rejection, and the defensiveness. The defensiveness is often a dead give-away.

He may know what the problem is but is not willing to share or admit it...like a drug habit. This is all just a suggestion though.

Answer 5

OK this is the first thing. He needs to see a doctor to rule out any medical conditions that might be causing this. Then after that you can both work on it. For now he needs to take care of this.
Please, I recommend you not pressure him. This will make it worse. There are many things that can be done to help this. Please try to hang in there and, Get him to a doctor.

Answer 6

Don't feel bad you weren't doing him any favors not tellin him you could try giving him some herbal remidies you can find at herbal stores or look up online, and you can do it without him noticing or talk to him and both of you do it...also you can do some vagina exercises to help make you tighter as well...to help with feeling it more.

Answer 7

Well...do u still want to have sex even tho u might not get as much pleasure? if so then tell him that he needs to know!

tell him that u still want sex even if he dont get as hard as "you would like"...he should understand...and well dont use the word sex it makes it sound needy or sumthing say loving-making instead when telling him ok? i hope i helped at lest sum...

Maybe you can help me out on my Q?

i wish u luck hun,

Answer 8

If he's older, then it jjust be that he's aging and its harder for him. If not, he should see a doc and make sure everything is ok..maybe he just needs viagara. Get him to see a doc, as hard as it might be, convince him its important for your sex life which is a big factor in a marriage. Good luck to you and him

Answer 9

You need to seduce that man! One night of you coming onto him like a banshee and it may just change his mind! *LOL*

But also, I dunno how old he is, but it's possible he could be having some health related issues. Maybe he needs a physical and an honest talk with his doc?
If not, if he's young and healthy, then you need to do what I said before. Seriously. Shake things up, girl! You might even like it yourself.

Answer 10

if his health is normal ,all sex related problems are due to his mindset. make him mentally happy before entering into sex. most of the men gets bored and their minds always seeks new changes.try different ways and means to stimulate his mind.there are men who are very crazy after sex even at their 60s. don't` loose hope. best of luck.

Answer 11

have a question to your question
does foreplay and romance ever enter into the equation?
there is a lot more to a relationship than just sex
plus there is a tease to please option you might want to
consider.the thrill is still there maybe you both could explore finding it again as a sort of foreplay