I am a gay 26 year old gay male and my best guy friend is a 29 year old 'straight' indie rocker. However, even he will admit he's the 'gayest' straight man any of us knows. While I've tried to convince myself there will probably never be anything romantic between us, I still feel very close to him- like he's the brother I never had. However, I also find myself very emotionally attached to him and very hurt by him by some of the things he says and does. Lately, I've even thought of ending out many year friendship over this, because I'm afraid I'll never be able to see things in the proportion that he sees them when it comes to our relationship. Should I expect him to be more sensitive? Should I adjust my expectations? Am I going crazy over nothing? WHAT DO I DO?!?
2006-08-27 17:00:54 · 12 answers · asked by tomnevels 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Welcome to the world of those of us with male best friends when we're attracted to men. It's tough to accept that they will never really understand what's in your head because they just don't feel the same way. He is acting in the only way he knows how, which is as a friend. The best thing for you to do is to pull back a little on the friendship and put some energy into getting yourself a romantic partner. When you have more going on in your life, it's easier to fit yourself back into the friend box when you interact with him. It hurts, but it's still worth it. Good luck.
2006-08-27 17:14:50 · answer #1 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i understand that this must be difficult for u..
but i think u are confuse.cause first u say that u see him as the bro u never had, and then u are trying to tell that u feel more and that u are afraid...so well my dear friend u should do something about that, like talking to him and being pretty serious with him, tell him what u feel, what u think , and dont end a relationship because u are afraid, sometimes fear doesnt let us see beyond our fears....so if u are good friends and he accept u as u are, and he really cares about u and viceversa u 2 should sit and talk...comunication and honesty is the policy, dont confuse this kind of affection with the other kind of affection, if u are not sure about what u feel about him...give urself an space and think carefuly , straigh, with cold head...and u will see and understand what u feel and what u want, give urself the time u need , and then go and talk to him, if he is not as sensitive as u are dont be worried or concern about that, sometimes men cant show either express their feelings, but if he is straight and he doesnt like a man as his couple well u must accept that evenwhen u think he could be the gayest man in this life...be sure that he accepts u as u are, that he is proud being ur friend, and most of all, be sure tha he is honest with u, and when u think carefuly about all this....dont be afraid and face him and whatever could his reaction be...remind him that he will be ur friend ..but do this for u, cause isnt healthy to be like this, to have something going around ur head all the time....so think first and then do whatever u have to do.....but always remember that after the darkness there are a light ....and if things happens its because a reason cause in this life nothing happen without a reason....good luck
2006-08-27 17:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by unangeldeamor02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem I see with being gay, particularly with males, is that every person has the potential to be a romantic partner. You have to decide if you can just handle being friends with this guy first and foremost. It sounds like you have let yourself become very attached. Typically friends don't have sex with friends. Unless you get into it with a different understanding from the get go. So stop pining away...from where I sit it seems like theres an awful lot of fish in the sea just swimming and swimming and swimming. Get a little tired then swim some more.
2006-08-27 17:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by temptnu37076 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the same issue that a heterosexual male might have with a female friend. It can be difficult to have a pure friendship relationship when you find someone sexually attractive. You shouldn't automatically end the relationship. But, you need to be honest with him and with yourself. You certainly should adjust your expectation to be that nothing romantic will happen between you two. If there's no possiblity of a romantic relationship, do you still want to have him as a friend? If not, then leave now.
2006-08-27 17:07:40 · answer #4 · answered by Paul B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in feeling hurt by him u r wanting things to go a certain way with u two and when u pressure him he lets u know how he feels even though its not what u want to hear but its how he feels and who he really is inside...ending the friendship is wrong...just dont push too close to him..him being more sensitive to u would happen if u dont push so closely...adjusting your expectations will help u not to be so hurt when he pushes back...u r not going crazy for we all are a little and thats whats makes us normal.....
2006-08-27 17:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by chucktcb8858 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you really sure he's straight? If he is, just try to treat him like one of your gay friends who you aren't attracted to. Also, try dating someone else. When you have dated other guys, do you still obsess about this straight friend? If you do, and you can't get over it, maybe you can't handle being his friend. If it's that painful for you be with him, but not be with him, then maybe you should hang out with him less. All I can suggest is open communication; scary, but usually effective.
2006-08-27 17:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by carriegbear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are sweet...and now you are with a broken..heat...to be friend does not mean...you will have to be lovers...you feels good about him...what you feels is pride...about him...if he doesn not correspond to you..is because...he loves someone elses...so and if both of you feeled the same is because you were for each other...and if is only the one loving that instant...is only pride...ok...im well know experience...let me tell you ..enjoy the moment being with him...but give his space...so he can do his..thing...he like to show you how much he cares...so let him do his thing..and dont interfered in his love live...maybe if he finds the person and show the one he love to you..you all can get together...and do the thing...the love thing...no...mean of touching..but you will see...find some one that is piscis...im piscis.;;piscis is the only sodiac sign that can really show you what is love...
2006-08-27 17:08:32 · answer #7 · answered by lins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what is more important to you your feelings for him or your friendship. i think the friendship sounds too good to let go so forget a relationship and if it is meant to be it will just happen. Good luck!!!
2006-08-27 17:05:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a freak. If you are gay and are friends with a self confessed straight person don't try to come onto him. That is gross and will ruin your friendship. If you don't want to be friends with him anymore then do try to come onto him. I gurantee it will work
2006-08-27 17:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by alias_47 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Find a boyfriend and then you won't feel anything for your friend.
2006-08-27 17:04:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋