My adopted cousin has this "attraction" to me, which is nasty,but she obviously doesn't think so! I have tried telling her nicely and rudely that is immoral and I'm not interested. She comes back with "I'm not blood to you, only legally I'm related, so it doesn't matter". This is really getting on my nerves. Can I get honest opinions/advice of what you would do to stop this? I am 28 and she's 32. Not kids before any ignorant assumptions.
2006-08-27 16:46:40 · 16 answers · asked by Buck 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I do appreciate all of your advice/opinions. As far as pure attractiveness, she's a nice looking woman. On the flipside, in my mind, she is my family even though she is adopted and that alone makes me not interested. I do have a girlfriend and she does everything in her power to make my g/f mad. Also, the family knows she has this attraction. She makes it very well known. I'm sorry I left out those details, wasn't quite sure how it was going to get responded to, thanks again though. Appreciate it.
2006-08-27 17:35:34 · update #1
It's not wrong, so to speak, that she's attracted to you, but she should be mature enough to understand that just because she likes someone doesn't mean that the person will reciprocate that affection. It doesn't matter what your reason is, she just needs to respect the fact that you are not interested, and she needs to move on.
You just need to always be straightforward with her when she leads you down that path of how much she likes you, and honestly tell her that you are not interested, and never will be. Don't send mixed messages, and eventually she'll move on.
2006-08-27 16:51:32 · answer #1 · answered by Val V 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would examine my reasons for not being attracted to her. Is it really because of the "family" thing, or is it that you are just not attracted to her and you use that as an excuse? If it's the former, she is right: you are NOT related! But, if it is the latter (and I think that is really your problem with her), then I think that you just need to be honest with her--tell her that she is not your cup of tea. I know this is difficult, especially if you see her often, and especially around family. But you have to know that if you did develop a relationship it would not be immoral.
The "I'm not interested" part of your answer is the part you have to try to get her to understand. How do you let other women know you're not interested in them? Be nice, but be firm. Tell her that even if she was not your "cousin" you would not care to date her. If she still bugs you, maybe you just need to stay out of her way, or have another family member speak to her for you.
2006-08-27 23:57:41 · answer #2 · answered by Joey's Back 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she is right that she isn't blood related. And also you weren't raised together, you are just cousins, and depending on how close you lived together as children, maybe you barely saw her. So not really much of a taboo there. I would drop the "immoral" speech and just tell her that you are not interested in her sexually and don't find her attractive at all. If she was 14 and you were 18 it might be cute but at 28 and 32 she needs to catch a clue, so be sure to give it to her.
2006-08-27 23:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by BabyRN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to tell her alot more firmer than you have because she obviously hasnt gotten the message. I know this might sound a bit mean and rude but a woman can really be put off by a guy if you criticize the way they look, dress and smell. Dont mention how you's are related because she already knows that. Give more critizism towards here. If you have to get the family invoved, then do it. Tell the family, im sure they will have a few morals to give of their own towards her.
2006-08-28 00:13:10 · answer #4 · answered by Ness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already tried the polite route, now is the time to be blunt. Let her know, vocally and often, in front of family members alone, and especially in front of your girlfriend, that the idea of being physical with a family member is not what you are interested in.
* She insists that you are not blood related, it does not matter to you. You need to look at her with the disgust she deserves. *
Perhaps if you embarrass her at family functions, she will stop.
You are both grown and she needs to stop acting like a child.
2006-08-28 16:08:49 · answer #5 · answered by impatientone_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to keep telling her that you are not attracted to her, Treat her as you would any other unwelcome person's "come ons" Have you talked to your parents/ her parents?
Seems to me that she has some personality disorder to continue to persue you when you have told her "NO WAY" Be careful she may have an unhealthy obession with you .
Tell her if she does not stop her advances, you will take action and slap a court order on her for harrassment, you have every right to do so, you would do this with anyone else wouldn't you?
You are not kids you are adults and you have a right to not be harrassed by her and she has no right to be such a nuisance.
2006-08-28 00:07:58 · answer #6 · answered by Christine M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already did what you could do but she just keeps coming onto you. You just have to keep telling her that you are not interested and that you want her to leave you alone. If you have a girlfriend have her to go with you and when she is around give her a big kiss in front of her and see how that will work.
2006-08-27 23:52:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her politely that your romantic interest lies elsewhere. Forget the moral speech and enlist the help of other relatives. Stay away from family get together's for a while and when you do show up, bring a date.
2006-08-27 23:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by Celeste A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is a situation. Is there any way you can just avoid her all together, block her #. This sounds crazy but tell her your seeing some one or your in love with some one else and there is no way you would ever consider being with her and if she continues that you will blow her out of the water with her family
2006-08-27 23:53:26 · answer #9 · answered by Lys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your aunt. Or tell her that you aren't attracted to her and she needs to move on. If she's 32, she is able to face the hard bitter truth, and it appears you need to lay it on the line for her. The sooner the better.
2006-08-27 23:51:05 · answer #10 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋