Son wom't speak to me,How do I know if he is truly alright?

Question

My oldest son will be 21 on Sept.2.He is in his 5th year of college.He has refused to speak to me for a year.He has told his 10 yr.old brother that he loves me,but can't talk to me.A year ago he needed $6,000 for college b/c he lost his scholarship for 1 semester b/c his grade point average was 3.4.We got into an argument b/c I could not give him the money,I was awaiting my disablity hearing and I can't work.He just quit talking to me.Wouldn't come to the door when I picked up his 10yr old brother and 12 yr.old sister.Refused to take my phone calls.I wrote him a letter explaining the money situation and also that it was unfair how he was treating me.I also told him in the letter if he continued to disrespect me,my fiancee was not going to allow me toi send birthday money or Christmas.So for a year he has refused to speak to me.I continued to give him money.It hurts to know the child I gave birth to won't speak to me.How do I know if emotionally he is alright?I just want to talk to him.

His dad said that him,his step mom and the other 3 kids are going to see him for his birthaday and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him.I said to tell him I love him and wished he would talk to me.It hurts every minute of every day that he won't speak to me.As I said he tld his brother he loved me but could not talk to me b/c it upset him and made him angry every time he spoke to me.How do I stop the severe pain in my chest?I feel like if I could only rip my heart out of my chest,I would be ok. Please HELP ME>NO SMART AZZ ANSWERS>THIS IS SERIOUS>

I am in counseling and have been for as long as I can remember.I am not leaving any details out.My son even called his dad 'simple minded".It is like he feels he is too god to talk to me.He satrted college at 16 and has been "different" every since.

He recieved a associates degree at 18 and at that time said he had 3 more years to finish his nuclear and computer science degree.He never has dated and says he does not want to date.He has alwys had a 4.o up until last year.It hurts so bad.Please help.

Answer 1

Your son will get over this...give it time, he needs time to mature, reflect, and grow. As long as he is keeping in touch with other family members, he will be fine. He will come around to see how wrong he was in thinking you should hand everything over to him on a silver platter. College education is for him to provide himself, if he knew his scholarship would be at risk if he had gotten a lower GPA, then shame on him. He should have studied harder to get better grades. His fault, not yours. Everyone needs their Mother, and he will begin to recognize that with maturity.

Answer 2

Wait -- he is in his 5th year of College -- and you don't know yet what that means? It means he definitely is NOT all right -- and his GPA was NOT 3.4 at all -- it was lower than that. And he is STILL wanting you to give him money?

A Bachelor's Degree should only take 4 years -- and that can be done even when the person is working (and I had to work -- my parents were deceased and I was paying my own way through college and all my living expenses too). I did NOT mess around -- I kept to the schedule, completed all my courses, and graduated with High Honors -- all while holding down a full time job.

He is being a bit manipulative at this time -- and that is just immaturity showing. He needs to learn how to deal with his responsibilities -- including learning that it is TOUGH when you do NOT finish College on schedule and have to stretch it out to a 5th year.

Answer 3

I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I can only imagine what it would be like if either of my sons suddenly stopped speaking with me. You said you wrote your son, explaining why you couldn't help him out with finances at the time... now, he needs to settle that inside himself. It may take a long time.. so in the meantime, pray about it, leave it up to the Lord.. learn how to laugh again, and find some happiness for yourself. Just keep a fatted calf handy for when your son returns home.. Ask God to handle all of this for you, thank Him for unseen results, and believe.. I know I sound uncaring, but I'm not... I know a part of me would die if this happened to me..
Maybe light a candle..and remember, that he will find his way home..
Never speak badly of your son, to your other children.. and ask them, plus your fiancee, not to speak badly of him either.
Gods blessings..

Answer 4

I would recommend you get some professional counseling. You need to get a healthy perspective on the situation. I cant help but feel that you are leaving out some details. Get to see a professional. Even if it's only one appt just to get a reality check.

Seems as though there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Answer 5

It seems as though your son is missing the "big picture" in life...if he is seriously angry at you because of money you were unable to give then i think he is missing what is truly important..i hope there truly is another reason why he is angry because a reason like money would never be good enough for me to stop speaking to my parents...maybe you should have someone who is close to him ask him why hes angry and if there is anything you can do to rectify it...however if the reason is money dont give him a nickel...he needs to understand there are much bigger things in the world and family is one of them...good luck to you