I have asked for divorce 4 times in 16 yrs. Everytime she fights so hard to stop it. I back down because it really is un-comfortable to act on. We dont sleep in the same room going on 7 years. She does nothing tokeep the peace. I have absolutely no attraction for her. I am miserable. I have 2 kids 4&8. I really can not even afford to be on my own right now. The very sound of her voice makes my skin crawl. She is always upset about something. Yet, somehow I settled into content in my misery. Please dont tell me marriage counciling. I am beyond even caring what she thinks or wants. Her every complaint about me is directly tied to behavors she has had with me that made me become the un-caring person towards her. Where do I go from here? Should I risk loosing everything to find happiness. (Meaning only property, I wont giveup joint with kids) I am a wreck. Has someone here gone through this and wants to give their insights?
2006-08-27 16:19:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just for the math purposes I have to point out that your kids are 4&8 and you have separate beds for 7 years?
OK, I will be real with this. You need to just give it up and get out. She is driving you crazy. You are losing the will to go on with life and happiness. Nobody deserves to live like that. You have to be the strong one and say "enough is enough."
We have all lost a lot in a divorce, but we survive. I hated to lose my house, but now I have one of my own and no man can ever take that from me. I have built up my self-confidence along with my small empire here. I am glad to have my own life and do as I please. You will discover these freedoms, too. You will be away from the constant negative attitude that has sucked the very desire to continue with life out of your body.
It will not be easy. Understand that. The first few years will be hard work to rebuild your life. I was in a divorce support group for two years just to understand that it wasn't all my fault. I encourage you to find some support group and get help somewhere. You may need more than you think you will.
It is time to throw in the hat and get the divorce. Ignore and tantrums she throws. You have got to look out for yourself. No one else will. Good luck in your new life after divorce.
2006-08-27 16:33:54 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give me a break. You say you can't stand her and don't sleep in the same room and haven't for seven years but somehow managed to have a 4 year old child. You seem kind of weak. I have gone through a miserable divorce and when you really have had enough, you don't mind giving up everything just to get out of the relationship. I agreed to give up the house, money, cars, etc. and never looked back. You will know when you reach that point and you won't need this board to give you the answer.
2006-08-27 17:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Blitz 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Married sixteen years… two children, aged four and eight.
That would suggest you were intimate with your wife about four years ago.
I just thought I would mention that, because you said you haven’t slept in the same room for seven years!!!
You have asked how you get the courage to divorce your wife… Yet you have apparently had the courage to ask her for a divorce four times in sixteen years!!!
Why are you still married??? Is it purely a ‘financial’ thing? You mentioned that you can’t afford to be on your own right now.
It sounds pretty obvious to me that you are not in the least bit interested in trying to save the marriage. You don’t want to consider Marriage Guidance Counselling, which is a shame, because I think it is the least you should be doing, for the sake of those two beautiful kids of yours!!!
In your last question, you asked how soon after you started dating someone, should you mention you were married and getting a divorce? That question pretty well confirms your lack of interest as far as trying to save this marriage is concerned!
The way I see things at the moment, is that your marriage is for convenience purposes only! There’s no romance… it is just a group of people existing under the same roof!
Most of what you wrote was what I consider to be the ‘Me’ factor….. Me, me, me. Everything about you… Very little about those beautiful children of yours!
I know you mentioned that you would never give up joint custody/access to the kids, but you never mentioned what sort of a relationship you have been sharing with the kids.
Is there a close bond between you and them, or have you allowed your feelings toward your wife to affect the way you feel about the kids?
How is the disharmony shared between you and your wife, affecting the children?
Are they being torn apart inside out? Is their loyalty being challenged by one parent against the other?
You see, in a situation like that of you and your wife, I tend to aim my sympathy toward the children, because they are the ones who generally suffer the most, and the pain that they suffer can leave them emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives!!!
The thing is, with your kids, they are sort of in a ‘lose lose’ situation…
Continue things the way they are… they lose!
Get a divorce… they lose!
I would much prefer to see them in a ‘win win’ situation…
but whilst you continue to refuse to consider Marriage Guidance Counselling, then the chances of that happening are extremely slim!
I don’t know what to suggest to you!
I guess you need to do some ‘soul searching’…
Is ‘getting a divorce’ putting your needs ahead of the needs of your children?
The decision is yours to make…
If you want a divorce… pack your bags, and leave!
If you have family or friends who can put you up for a while, move in with them.
Failing that, perhaps there are some Homeless Men’s Refuges where you can stay.
Other than that, I’m sorry, I can’t help!!!
2006-08-27 16:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before you think about yourself, what about your children? What do you think they are going through? You need to give up this marriage because its not going any where and most likely causing severe issues for everybody. You have to do what ever it takes to be happy, and she's only avoiding it because she's probably deathly scared about getting divorced. But whatever you need to be happy, and so do your kids. Get the papers and signed them, and LEAVE. You do not need that abuse and you shouldnt be wasting any more time. Look how much years have gone by without any happiness. Hope every thing works out.
2006-08-27 16:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave her and seek a divorce. How can you settle for less than living a peaceful, happy existence. Yeah at the beginning its probably going to be hard being on your own, but wouldn't it be worth knowing that ur finally free and your kids will be happier too.
2006-08-27 16:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your kids are not going to be 4 and 8 forever,i have a six year old and telling myself this everyday keeps me from leaving right now to hang in there i found happiness by cheating. i swear i feel like i use to before i got married. my husband tried anti dpressants that didnt help he is still a jerk.goodluck hang in there
2006-08-27 16:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by corvairchick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be brave, and remember, you only have ONE life. finding happiness is your own responsibility, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to reach your ultimate goal. hey, you can always deliver pizza on the side to supplement your income.
2006-08-27 16:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by bad guppy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please seek advice from a Christian marriage counselor...
thats the best advice i can give....
Tyryour level best to avoid gettign a divorce..
2006-08-27 16:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by DonnyD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump her, and quit crying
2006-08-27 16:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋