Why do teachers seem to try to make parents their enemy?

Question

I asked a serious question about afterschool detention and the 2nd answer I got was from a teacher, putting words into my mouth and making it out like I was blaming my stepsons teacher for his actions. He forgot to turn in a couple of homework assignments and she gave him afterschool detention. I agree that school is important but for parents who leave for work at 7:00 am and don't get home till 6:00 pm and work over an hour from their childs school, leaving work early for detention seems extreme. I would have no problem leaving work if my children were sick or had an accident, but to have to leave work 2 hours early so my stepson can stay 30 minutes after school is rediculous in my eyes. Teachers seem to want parents to revolve their lifestyles around what works best for the teacher. I don't think they are babysitters but I think that detention is something that can be done during school, just like it was done when I was a kid, just like it says can be done in the handbook.

I am doing the best that I can to make sure he turns homework in. I check his backpack at night, and I even sent a letter to school asking that his teachers help me make head or tails of what homework assisgnments he has, but I recieved no response to that letter. What more can I do? Why should I be punished when I am doing what I can to avoid this problem? My stepson just came to live with us this summer and he has alot of emotional problems that the school doesn't know about.

Answer 1

My answer my sound inadequate as I'm from France, but teaching is universal.

Teachers in France do like Kristi: if you don't turn in homework assignments, you get a "ZERO"! If you have a good reason and you usually turn in your assignments on time, they'll give you an extra day or two. I think it's a good idea!

I just wanted to say that you should tell your school about your stepson's problems. They'll probably be a bit more understanding, and maybe they'll try to talk to him.

Also, I'm sure a lot of parents just send letters. I think they would appreciate it if you came to the school yourself (or your husband) as it will show you take his education seriously. I know it might seem to be a waste of time, but I think you have to understand that most parents probably just do what you do, and the teachers probably think that you don't really care.

Answer 2

O.K., Huskymom, you have a lot of questions on Y A about your stepsons detention. Are you going to keep asking the questions until you get the answers you want?

I have a question: at the beginning of the school year, did the teacher(s) specif icy what the punishments would be for not turning in homework? How many warnings did your stepson get?
If this was specified at the beginning of the school year, then he and you knew what the consequences would be.

Talk to the teachers about your stepsons emotional problems. Work out solutions between you, your husband and your stepson. However, the teacher is within his/her right to give detention. Your permission is NOT needed. The idea is, if you are inconvenienced, you will get on your stepson's case and get the problem resolved quickly.

If he is having emotional problems, bring in the school counselor. Get some counseling going or else you will have more than detention problems on your hands.

Stop complaining and blaming the teachers and the administration. I see an easy solution to the problem: GET THE HOMEWORK DONE AND TURNED IN!!! Behave in class. Teachers have to deal with more than just your stepson.

And, it doesn't matter that you have to drive more than hour to and from work. What's more important? Your stepson? Or how much gas and time you're wasting?

Answer 3

a lot of schools don't have afterschool detention for this very reason. Some teachers have a complex.... others will work with you to work on ways to solve the problem. Most teachers just dock the homework (the child looses points) for each day it is late, and after a certain number of days it becomes an F. Of course -- the ramifications of this are that many Fs, no matter how they are rated, will pull down his overall grade.

If the handbook says that detention can be done during school hours, you certainly have a point to bring up to the principal. If she still isn't bending, then ask for a meeting with the teacher and the principal to talk about solutions. I bet her song will change.

Answer 4

I thought the idea of detention was to make an impression on the student that his/her behavior needs some "fine tuning." And, it is considered in part, a punishment. Having detention during school doesn't solve that problem.

The teacher probably has to stay after for detention, too. The teacher is also inconvenienced. Teachers have duties and responsibilities at home, too.

The school year has barely begun and your son had already forgotten some homework assignments? How old is he, anyway? Doesn't he have some responsibilities in getting his homework done on time and turning it in?

If it seems like I am taking the teacher's side. I am. I was a former teacher and getting students to turn in their homework assignments was a never ending battle. Calls home to parents rarely worked. Keeping the kids after school when they were missing their practice sessions, etc. seemed to make an impression on most of them.

My advice to your stepson is to do his homework and turn it in!
Seems like a simple solution, doesn't it?

Perhaps you can work out something with the teacher and your stepson. Someway of reminding him to get the stuff turned it? And, perhaps rewarding him for doing so, for say, two weeks?
This will make your life easier and the teacher's too.

Have a good school year, I hope.
I

Answer 5

I don't mean to offend, but I'm afraid you are making the school your step-son's babysitter. The school/teacher cannot accommodate each parent's schedule. Schedules differ from family to family. While they may be sensitive to your issue, there is nothing they can do. They are trying to teach your step-son responsibility to prepare him for adult life. I think that the idea is that perhaps if the parents have to go out of their way to deal with a child who has detention, maybe the parent will impress on the child that time frames are important and will provide incentive to the child to turn assignments in in a timely fashion.

I don't know what school you went to, but detention has always been after school, when I attended and when my daughter attended only a couple of years ago.

You may wish to consider that the teachers are also staying after school to be with the children in detention.

Answer 6

I'm a high school English teacher. I don't give detentions for no homework; I give zeroes. In my class, I don't accept late work. (Nor do I give "retests" to regular education students who fail a test.) I explain this policy on the first day of school, and I repeat it numerous times during the first couple of weeks. Since next Friday is the last day of the first three week period, and progress reports will be coming out soon, I expect to get plenty of telephone calls.

Answer 7

The reason schools and teachers have policies like afterschool detention IS TO INCONVENIENCE PARENTS! I am a teacher. We now have this policy at our school. No detentions will be served during school hours. Basically, we feel that if the student is causing enough problems for us and inconvenience teachers enough and the problems aren't being taken care of on the student's part, then the next step is to inconvenience the parents. If parents have to be put out (like getting off work early, driving an hour to school, etc., then parents will get the student busting their butt to do what they were supposed to be doing or not doing in the first place, and that the undesired behaviors will most likely stop this way.)

Answer 8

you should put your children closer to where you work, you would not be the first. also, you are not doing anything different that millions of other parents are doing so quit feeling sorry for yourself.

it is not our fault that you have a bad schedule or that you live here or there. the kids come first and you sound as if you dont really want to deal with your step son. are you getting counseling for him as you say, he has emotional problems. and obviously, you have not notified the school of any special needs he has or may have. they cannot read your mind. how many kids do you suppose attend his school? you sound like you want special treatment because you have a difficult schedule and it is mighty big of you to look in his backpack, gee, gold star parent.

if letters are not getting the required action, call the school, go to the school, even if you have to take some time off from work. thats the way it goes with kids. or, you could choose to ignore his problems and hope the school can just deal with it. sounds like thats what you have decided to do. oh, that and blame them for everything. i dont think you realize just how much work teachers really do for your little darlings.

Answer 9

Having graduated high school just a couple of years ago, I've watched teacher after teacher make it a point to insult not only the student but also his or her parent as a means of establishing either ego or authority. Detention is pretty extreme for forgetting to turn in a couple of homework assignments. It's an honest mistake, not a discipline problem. I've overheard teachers complain about how hard their job is and how parents only make it harder. If I ever become a teacher (and believe me, I want to) I will learn from my experiences and I'd never allow the Us vs. Them mentality. You're right though, there has to be a balance for parent and teacher!

Answer 10

Maybe you could try to talk to the teacher about possibly having the child serve the detention during lunch or recesses. Or maybe more work. Just try more negotiation. Children don't need fights among parents and teachers...