How can you learn to trust someone who...?

Question

Based on my last question I compelled to ask... How can you learn to trust someone who repeatedly destroyed your trust in them and expects you to just trust them because they say so. How do you rebuild trust or can you, when history kept on repeating itself up until now? How do you believe things will be different when after 10 years it hasn't really changed much. Do or can you just take the persons word for it?

Answer 1

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You can't "just because they say so". Actions speak louder than words. If the other person isn't willing to put forth the effort of PROVING s/he is now trustworthy, then IMHO s/he isn't worthy of earning the trust back.

Answer 2

There's a saying that goes: past performance is the best indicator of future performance.
Trust is earned over time. What incentive does this person have to change now?
Talk is cheap... just because he/she says trust me, means absolutely nothing.
If this person repeatedly destroyed your trust over 10 years, I wonder why you're not long gone.

Answer 3

well u obviously can't take them at their word 10 yrs that's along time but they can change , u can rebuild ur trust , did he tell u about all of them ? are just the ones u found out about, did he tell u why? those are very important questions to ask but the most important one is do u think it's worth it? do u want it to work does he? if so then try it , it's been 10 years what's anthor year.just do what u think is best and good luck

Answer 4

“You Should Never Have Betrayed My Trust!!!”

I believed you were a true friend of mine…
I thought that in you, I could trust.
What happened to the promise you made,
of how you would remain for ever ‘true’?

You promised me ‘your honesty’…
Told me, you would never lie.
Now I find out that you did tell a lie,
and I no longer know what to believe!

How can I trust you from now?
How can I believe whatever you say?
How can I tell you the feelings I have,
and trust you to not tell the world?

You should never have betrayed my trust…
Never even thought of telling me lies.
You have proven to me, that believing in you,
is something I should never do!

What is there left for us now?
Where do we go to from here?
I’d like to believe you are sorry…
but I can’t trust you to not lie again.

I’ll continue to accept you as a friend…
Perhaps, in time, I will trust you again.
I forgive you the lie that you told…
but my confidence in you has gone!

If you value the friendship we share…
You will never lie to me again.
I am sorry for what we have lost…
But you should never have betrayed my trust!!!

***************************

That was a poem I wrote some time ago…
I thought it was appropriate for me to include it here!

‘Learning’ to trust someone?
I’m not sure that it works that way…
With me, I start off by trusting people…. Sort of a natural instinct.
That ‘trust’ remains, until it is betrayed!!!

I guess it is worth bringing up the old adage… Once bitten… Twice shy.
If someone betrays my trust, it isn’t a case of me having to learn to trust them again…
It is a case of them having to prove to me that they are worthy of me trusting again!!!

I’m happy to accept that we should ‘forgive and forget’…
But we need to draw the line as to how many times we are prepared to do it, so we don’t allow ourselves to be played for a fool.

In your previous question, you asked…
Can a marriage last if there is love without trust?
You mentioned that you were dumbfounded by the unanimous ‘no’ responses that you got.
I know there is a saying which says ‘Love conquers all’ and you would suspect that if the saying was true, then the ‘love’ in the marriage would conquer the lack of trust!!!

I suppose what you need to look at is the fact that marriage is a ‘two way’ commitment.
You can love someone till the cows come home, but if the person on the receiving end of that love can’t be trusted, and doesn’t respect you for the feelings you have, then no amount of ‘love’ is going to make that marriage a success!!!

Answer 5

Trust can't be learned. It has to be earned. You have to let that someone know that you can't just turn trust on like a power switch. If he/she loves you and wants you to trust them then they will work hard on earning that trust back. If not, I would say, it's time to accept the fact they will never be able to be trusted.

Answer 6

Well i think u can't once they do something they will do it again with time it all depends u could give it a try just be careful in what u say to the person or what u do around the person i had a situation with a friend who back stab me with a boyfriend of mine and know we say hi and we talk normal but she will never again have my trustis something u really have to think about it all depends on the situation that is or went .

Answer 7

If you don't have trust ,you don't have nothing that many time and that long I don't think that person can earn their trust back with you,Move on find some one and be happy.

Answer 8

Trust is the hardest thing to gain back and it doesn't seem like they were trying to gain your trust back at all.....once trust is gone its really hard to get back......so my advice would be to move on and find someone you do trust......i know it will be hard for you but i think you are just wasting your time.......and this day and age time is very valuable.......don't waste it.......on a person that isn't worth it.......good luck......if you need to talk e-mail me through yahoo answers...........:)

Answer 9

i would not even try, after that many years, they are never going to change, and it is really not worth your time. Move on and find someone that you don't have to worry about this with, that you KNOW that you can trust and not have to question it..

Answer 10

You don't...

They have shown you that their word isn't good enough. They must now back it up with action...

Trust is earned; they earned your disbelief in their word, only their ACTIONS will be good enough to fully earn your trust again... and it may take a heck of a lot longer than they anticipate for that to happen.