if we go to a nightclub or party , he gets mad and says i a mustnt look at any one, he stands outside the toilets thinking i am going to sneak off.he gets mad if i hug a male freind.he searches my phone when i am sleeping and asks who the caller is with every call.i have known him for 6 months and i have no interest in any other man ,but i find his behavouir boring and irritating, should i kick him to the curb with his problem or is there a way to make him be more confident of my wanting him alone?we would like to get married but i cant marry someone who mistrusts me unjustly and is constantly looking for evidence of my nonexistant infidelity.
2006-08-27 15:36:34 · 24 answers · asked by monica a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, I used to be jealous & possesive of my wife without good reason throughout our courting days & part of our marriage, I was always wanting her to reassure me she wanted and loved me and no one else, although I never went through her personal belongings. I hated myself for being that way so I went to my G.P. who recommended counselling and found out the reason was low esteem and insecurity stemming from depression. I am lucky to have a wife that was so in love with me that she put up with the mental abuse I was dishing out. Happily I am now O.K. but it took anti depressants to get me here. Believe me he doesn't want to be the way he is and he will hate himself for it, but it's up to both of you to get it sorted or he will never change. Yes there is hope, but he needs to realise that he needs expert help. If he 's reluctant to seek the help he needs try showing him this. Best of luck to the both of you for the future,hope you get it sorted.
2006-08-27 16:47:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can't marry a man with those character traits and be happy. Understand that it is not you failing to convince him that you are faithful, it is his insecurity as a capable man that is in question. He is protecting his fear that he could be challenged by another man and that you would leave him, confirming his greatest fear of being seen as a small and weak man.
The only thing you can do is indicate that his behavior is childish (and it is) and tell him that he won't lose you to another man, but he could lose you to his own insecurity because when he acts like this you are being treated as just a piece of property and not a living breathing woman with a mind and a heart. Also tell him that the night gets ruined and a result.
(not recommended if he is a hot head but...)You could also let him know that he is not fooling anyone and that this behavior broadcasts that he is insecure to all. That should get his attention for sure.
Time for him to let the little boy anger go.
Good Luck.
2006-08-27 15:55:33 · answer #2 · answered by tcb9020 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every personality has a person for it. Some people would thrive on being with a guy like that. Some people are more self assured and don't need that type of watchfulness. You went through that phase of life where you needed the safety and comfort and concern of you dad. Now, you are a woman that doesn't need the daddy watchfulness. He isn't for you. Make the decision to either accept it and be miserable for years, or cut off the relationship and let him find the girl that needs his "concern". Don't kick him to the curb, but allow him to walk away honorably. Also, expect him to beg and plead to let him have another chance.....but don't. Be Polite. Good Luck, Dad
2006-08-27 15:56:47 · answer #3 · answered by dads_know 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him girl. Your life will be a living hell if you marry him and sounds like its been a living hell since you met him. No way.. anyone should have to endure that treatment without a reason to justify. He needs some help. He does NOT OWN you and you do have a life. What is the quality of your life having to deal with this on a daily basis and what is his quality of life having these controlling, possessive feelings. I mean.. get real here. He just needs some help. If it were me.. I would sit him down and tell him that it is over. If he says he is going to change.. then if you would like to find out.. give him the chance to see. But the first time he accused me of doing something or scrolling thru my personal belongings. is when my azz or his azz would be hitting the door and shut that door and get on with your life. You do not deserve this treatment. Nobody does. Good luck!!!!!
2006-08-27 15:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run NOW run fast. This IS NOT going to "get better" . This sounds like textbook emotional abuse, maybe escalating to physical. Either way- get out. 6 months of an investment in a relationship like this is TOO long. DO NOT marry this man. It will only serve to justify this madness of constantly checking up on you- because after getting married, he will be more possessive. This is not cute jealous behavior.
2006-08-27 15:44:31 · answer #5 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to allow someone to have control over another as this man has over you. Stop and think about it, if you two were to mary he would get worse. Could you handle that. Find someone who will treat you like a person and a lady.
2006-08-27 15:58:43 · answer #6 · answered by mclamb63 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
happens in relationships what would you do if he were flirting with someone else. I personally dont think you can stop him feeling as he does just reassure him it isnt the case and let him see who calls you but i would say get rid of him if he cant control this. ^ months is too short a time to be able to tell really.
2006-08-27 15:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he has had a bad experience in the past and is paranoid that it will happen again, or maybe he is paranoid because he is guilty and therefore thinks that you must be too? the only thing you can do is talk to him. if he continues to be this over posessive and paranoid though, maybe it will be best to walk away as this will just continue to be an issue and will cause problems throughout your relationship.
2006-08-27 15:47:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does seem a little over the top. Is this the tip of the iceberg? Is there more controlling behavior to come.
But if you really care for him....then be patient and keep reassuring him there nothing else going on. Eventually he'll see that on his own and learn to trust you more?
Good Luck!
2006-08-27 15:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You guys aren't really together. You need to hold hands and feel
and share the life force from the universe. It's a soul mate kinda thing. Maybe he knows ...he's not the right one for you.
2006-08-27 15:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋