Having a child without being married?

Question

Hi
My GF is pregnant, she wants to get married, I do not want to (she does not know I do not waht). She wants to child to born within a 'legal' family. For me, it does not matter. Moreover, I am scared of marriage (from a previous failure which costed me lots of money and health).
How do I tell her?

Is there an option to marry and avoid liabilities, besides a pre-nuptional agreement?

Ethically, what to do?

Am I doomed??

Answer 1

yes you have an obligation to your child more than anything, if you dont want to get married don't, but it is best for him that you act knowledgeable and see for his well being.

Answer 2

You should be talking to her first of all. My father said the only reason to get married is for social security if you have a child and that will help take care of the child if something happens to the other parent. I think that marriage is not important I prefer being single as I am female but she is feeling insecure which is common with pregnancy. If you do not desire marriage talk to her about other options or even the prenuptual agreement but before you ask that think again this is your child what if what you say or do alienates her she can still take you to court for alot for the child. So start out being nice to her for a long time talk to her about it. Take her to a restaurant and say I prefer to put the money into an account for our baby. Take her out shopping for things for the baby. Get a counselor both of you like and if you do not like the conselor get another. She is pregnant she is going to think differently about life while pregnant. Good luck personally I prefer being single because men are such a burden sometimes and getting away from them when it is just like sooo over is more difficult when I am married ..like you cannot hit me or threaten to kill me just because I do not want you anymore..oh you want to make this divorce hard on me...show her this and maybe she will think about it..if she is unhappy then she has to suffer the divorce also like I did twice before..this time is not so bad

Answer 3

Are you doomed??? That is a question for you to answer.

If you didn't want a child, then you should have been careful.

Because of your inadequacies and fright of getting into a legal relationship, you are condemning a child to be born without a family name and you know the name given to such children. Why would you do that?? Are you that selfish?

Ethically, you should talk to your girl friend about your fears. Figure out a way where you don't have to forgo everything if this marriage doesn't last. And get married.

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

What is the difference MONEY wise, she's pg with your child, ever heard of child support? it costs a lot more than alimony! If you didn't want to get married, why'd you have sex and risk the chance of a getting her pg? A child will forever link you to this woman whether you want to be married or not. You are only doomed if you look at it as the glass half empty. Children are a blessing. If you really don't want to be involved with this situation suggest giving the child up for adoption to a LOVING 2 PARENT home.

Answer 5

No your not doomed. Be honest with your girlfriend. Tell her you are not ready for marriage. A child can be born out of wedlock and still be loved by both parents. Just because there is a child coming doesn't mean there has to be a wedding to follow. Feelings will be hurt but stand by them. If you give in, you could be making a big mistake and the one it will hurt is the child. Good luck.

Answer 6

If you werent willing to raise a child with her, you had no business having sex. You must now take responsibility for your actions. If you considered yourself mature enough to have sex, then you should be mature enough to do the unselfish thing. Stop worrying so much about poor you. You created a life, you have to do what is best for it. That may not mean marrying your GF, but it does mean giving her and your child all the emotional and financial support they need. Kids without dads tend to have lots of problems growing up. You have to do the right thing. Everyone knows that sex leads to babies, even if you are "protected". You took the risk, now you have to accept responsibility

Answer 7

Sad so sad should have thought of that before being in this situation. Don't you love her? Well that's your call, but we woman think about a perfect family and well that involves being legally married when we have our kids. Not all of us think that way, but most of us do. Talk to her and tell her your true feelings and you both can come up with something that will work for both of you. Good luck

Answer 8

If you don't want to get married, then don't. It would be a misteak for you, your girlfriend and the baby. You don't have to not be together if that's what you all want. If you stay together or break up it is the baby that you should look after. Sit up so you can pay child support and be in the kids life.

Answer 9

if you don't want to get married, then don't because if you go into this not wanting to, you will not try to make it work, and it will end in disaster. Tell her how you feel, and hope that she will understand. The baby can still have your last name, if she would choose to do that, but it is her choice if you are not married. You will have more legal rights as the father if you are married. I wish you luck on your choice, and hope you have a happy healthy baby

Answer 10

how would you like it if your father didnt want you to have his name and why have children if you dont want liabilities you dont escape child support. Why would you have children with someone you don't love. I think doomed is bad description of what you are. perhaps selfish is the correct word.