This person is my boyfriend and seems to be the narcisitic type, I don't think he does it intentionally,but perhaps he never acquired the quality growing up, any ideas? Truly appreciated!!! I do care for this person but I don't know if the longevity will be there if there is no empathy
2006-08-27 15:13:54 · 13 answers · asked by Linda H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just so you know the 2 of us have been on and off for about 8 years and most of our problems stem from this
2006-08-27 15:18:04 · update #1
Could someone professional if possible give me a response in addition to the others
2006-08-27 15:20:12 · update #2
it cant be taught unless he is willing to try. he wont be willing to try unless he knows how he appears to others, and because he isnt empathetic, he probably doesnt know how he appears to others. round and around, good luck... it will be hard to change him if possible at all.
2006-08-27 15:16:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you do some reading about narcisitic behaviors. Perhaps it can still be learned, but reading a book or 2 may give you more insight.
We adopted older children who had missed some developmental stages. We worked with them a lot and would make clear verbal remarks about things to help evoke empathy. For example; "That little girl skinned her knee." We would comment about how she must feel sad and it must hurt. Then we say how we felt badly that the girl got hurt. At first our kids were like "So? She should be more careful. I don't have that problem because I am careful." After some years they started to say things first and without prompting. Sometimes they still need to be reminded to care about others but it has improved drastically.
2006-08-27 22:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Human beings are modified animals. It loves to copy whatever it likes in others. So be an example before her and don't expect to be copied.
Relevantly my best friend has also this problem. In fact he cannot show or express his feelings. but that doesn't mean that he is a stone. Because, he is the guy who wept a lot and flooded with tears when I shifted to some other place far away from his home town. That was the very first time I saw him express something.
But, you know, even if it doesn't show up, it may be lying in the deep.
2006-09-04 09:50:01 · answer #3 · answered by krishnendu c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe. Every person is different. He may get it 10 years from now or maybe never. That's a risk you have to decide to take. Do not jump in thinking he'll change.
Have you seen any improvements over the 8 years? Is he a moral person? Does he have integrity? Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things? Do you know deep down that he loves you? Are you in love with him?
Sometimes love is a decision... I know, not a romantic way to put it. Love is a decision sometimes because we choose to love people, even when they are acting 'unloveable.' It's that 'leap of faith.' Unfortunately, only you can make that decision.
And when you've made it, trust yourself.
2006-08-27 22:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Empathy comes with experiencing 'being in the other persons shoes' in some way. If he has little life experience, chances are he will be less empathetic to the experiences of others. Empathy can't be taught, anymore than love can.
2006-08-27 22:19:41 · answer #5 · answered by markus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to break it to you, but you can't change someone. If he doesn't know how to empathize by now, it will be very unlikely that he will ever be able to be what you would like him to be.
I have been in love with a man (he is 56 and I am 49) and he has the very same problem. They don't get better as they get older...the tendancy to be selfish just gets more defined. Thankfully, I have had enough of his ways and have left him in my dust.
2006-08-27 22:19:01 · answer #6 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Empathy is natural for most social species, including humans. If his development was so messed up that he has none, give it up, you cant fix him now.
2006-08-27 22:17:18 · answer #7 · answered by Phil S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not possible. First to teach someone somthing, they have to want to learn. If someone wants to be empathetic, then they are. That's like asking how to teach someone kindness or sincerity.
2006-08-27 22:19:24 · answer #8 · answered by Ashley F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Raggedy Ann. It can't be taught. Its something you just acquire.
2006-08-27 22:38:28 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is not teaching him empathy.
The point is that you can not change him.
Accept him exactly as he is or move on.
Taking this advice will save you years of grief. Seriously.
2006-08-27 22:18:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jay 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋