what do u guys think about this poem and what the author is trying to convey?

Question

I am out of breath from the track called youth

it has made my bones ill and my tears run dry

the flowers you gave withered and died, my bag of

optimism still hides in my closet dear friend

the lies I told have come to claim there toll

in youth I was strong, brave and now I sit dear friend

for the angel to pass by optimisms grave

the world i once loved led me astray and I

sit in wait for the angel of death

thank you for your awnsers i am 19 years old an i am the one who wrote this poem your awnser is very cherished it will improve my development in other poetry

Answer 1

Good, but rather depressing...

Answer 2

In spite of some spelling mistakes, this is really a good poem. You are only 19, but you have already reached the artistic maturity of a man in his 30's. Congratulations.
The beginning of your poem is outstanding ("I am out of breath from the track called youth") and it catches the essence of the 21st century's way of life. 10 points for that (out of 10, of course). The next lines are depicting a person that went through life too fast, not taking his/her time, not paying attention to details, chasing the big picture and getting lost in it. Another wasted life.
Once again, congratulations. I hope that one day your lyrics will make a fine heavy metal song (I do like poetry, but, at least for the beginning, you will need to make some money, so why not writing lyrics for songs?).

P.S. When I said "10 points out of ten", Ididn't mean that I should get the ten points for my answer, I really don't care about that, I gave you 10 points for that line.

Answer 3

This is a very good poem!

I believe that what you are trying to convey to the audience is that you are sick of life in general. When you were younger, you had strength in body and mind and bravery to face any obstacle that came your way. Hence you use the word optimism. But now you see where that has brought you, pain! And now the bag of optimism (How you use to be) is still there but you fail to acknowledge its existance. You want it to be gone so you can replace it with pessimism and contempt and anger for a world that has wronged you. In your last two lines, I believe the meaning implies that you loved the memories of how life, the world, and people in it use to be, but, now that you feel that their is nothing left but suffering and pain, you have chosen to give up until the day that you die.

This poem reminds me of a good sentence in a song, it is from mudvayne's Forget to Remember.

"We grow up to give up"

Answer 4

I think the author is conveying that growing up is stressful especially when a person's soul is not guided by wisdom or esteemed highly. The poem is sad in the end and depressing. I think it can encourage someone who feels the same way and cannot find the words to express it. I think anything written from the heart is a gift.

I cannot speak to the lyrical content structure or style. I write poetry myself and also speak it. Trust your heart and let your spirit guide you.

Answer 5

We all get old. (If you're lucky, considering the only alternative)
By 30 your body will ache when you do the things you used to exult in.
By 40 you will bust something (a spinal disc, if you're a guy).
By 50 you will start looking for an alternative to the job you have been doing all your life, as you drag your *** home from it aching worse and worse as the weeks pass.
By 60 you cannot do that job anymore.
By 70 you cannot do any job.
By 80 you are dead. (Probably)

Answer 6

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Answer 7

what you are saying is Karma...you are talking about someone who has done some things wrong and now he is paying for it "the lies i told have come to claim there toll" Its a good poem since this is exactly how life is.,..your youth and power can drive you into certain actions that may cause re-actions later whan you get older.,..so its better to be wise and always try to do good,...its a good poem...:)

Answer 8

an elderly person who realizes that, along with their youth, all the possibilities and advantages of youth are also gone; because all hope for the future is dead (optimism"s grave) there is nothing left to do but die.

very nice, the message is quite clear.

Answer 9

It means ...

From the days of your youth you have experience harship in life, thou precious relationship is offered, it whithered and die, your optimism in life still hangs on your bossom.

From youth, you became world best friend, getting what it offers, until such time the malignity of its product destroy your well being and is about to suffer the consequences of your malign choice.

Answer 10

Death, death, death

Answer 11

The poem itself is done quite well.

Yet, , it is a very dark and depressing poem, from a person who seems to be dealing with death for someone your age.

You are very creative, but I would give this some thought.

good luck to you.