Mothers and daughters,,,continued,,,?

Question

Should I just honor her by letting her go for the next few years,,,,If you just cant understand and except... why keep trying ,,, but hurting each other,,,she doesnt except my truly finding a wonderful life with my husband. really,,,he is soooooooo good to me,,and so excepts all my cob webs of the past,,,but I wish my daughter would understand....Her father ingnored her for her first 16 years,,,she resents me,,, I protected her from all that her father was,,,still why does she blame me,,,,I have wanted to aske this question for a few months,,but,,,,kinda didnt want to be judged on here,,,,would really appreciate true Mother and Daughter advice,,,
sincerely I thank you for your answers,,,because my preciouse 4 year old grandaughter is involved. If I dont see my daughter,,,I dont see my grandaughter,,,,,I love them both,,,~~~

Answer 1

I didn't read your first apparent post on this subject, but... your daughter doesn't understand because unfortunately you did your job as her mother and sheilded her. She wasn't married to her father, she can't understand. All she sees is that you made him leave. She was happy and you made him leave. My therapist told me once that people tend to be the most loyal to the parent who was the most abusive. My husband's mother kicked him out of the house at the age 16, his father didn't want him, had left, and sent his sisters to a children's home, b/c she couldn't deal with them alone after their father left. My husband dotes on his mother like she's a god. So it could be that your daughter just can't accept yet that the man she grew up idolizing wasn't as wonderful as she thought he was. And so she resents your new husband simply b/c she sees him trying to take daddy's place.

Forgive if this in a previous post, but have you two talked? really talked? Have you told her the things her father has done to you? If not, it might be time to sit your daughter down and have a very open talk with her. She's old enough to understand now. and if she won't listen to you, then write her a letter. That way she won't feel pressure by you being there, she can read and respond when she's ready to.

Good luck. I'm sorry you're going through this. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth, but don't let her make you feel guilty hon; you deserve to be happy too. Eventually, some day, she'll see it too. Right now it sounds like she's just still hurting.

Answer 2

Sounds like you both need to see a shrink