I married a really attractive, slender woman over 8 years ago. For the most part, she has always been an attentive and sweet woman...still is. Up until about 2 1/2 year ago, she was also athletic and HOT! I couldn't keep my hands off her and the sex was great! She would often push me away because I could never get enough. I'd buy her cute clothes and lingerie and she really wans't hard to look at. I got spoiled...
Since then, she has literally doubled in weight. I love her to death, but I just don't have a physical attraction for her anymore. She always wants to have sex, but I'm not aroused due to the lack of physical attraction. So she feels rejected and is always upset because she feels I'm not showing her enough "affection."
When I try to get her to work out with me or even just play a game with me and the kids, she always says she is too tired. She is always telling me how sad and rejected she feels, but she never seems to have any regard for my feelings. What can I do?
2006-08-27 14:04:18 · 17 answers · asked by Leroy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fake your affection for her and have sex. If you have sex with her and make her feel loved and wanted she will start to lose the weight and become a hotter version than before. If you keep pushing her away she will become sadder and fatter. Sorry but for women we have to have the affection before we are motivated to do some body improvements. Trust me you don't want her to lose weight the way you are going meaning with her feeling rejected. Because if she does lose the weight which I doubt it ,she will be pushing you away more than ever. You'll hear the words you just want to use me eventually she'll hate you and maybe even leave you for some guy who say things that make her feel special. You just need to use your imagination and make her feel good about her self. Then she will work out without you pushing her in that direction.
2006-08-27 14:16:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree that it sounds to me like she's depressed. Have things changed for her at all? Like maybe she was working and now she stays home with the kids? Or somebody important to her died? Some big change? She doesn't sound happy and her fatigue is a) because she's unhappy, and b) because she's not exercising. When I don't exercise, my energy plummets.
As far as looks go, I have to admit I gained a lot of weight (about 50 lbs; I was no skinny minny when we met either) after our first son was born, so my husband and I have been where you guys are at. At one point the lack of affection was so bad I asked him point blank if it was my weight and he was honest and said yes.
But you know what? Over the years, he's put on weight too, as he ages and his once quick metabolism slows down. And I've started exercising and eating better, or at least trying to, and *I* feel better about me and you know, the weight doesn't bother him anymore. Our sex has never been off the charts like some peoples, but it's good. I know it's hard, and I can you care or you wouldn't be here, but try to heal her emotionally. If you can help her feel better emotionally, she might pick herself back up. Counseling may be in order. I know I eat when I have things locked inside that need to come out, emotional eating. A lot of women do it.
Good luck.
2006-08-27 14:18:55 · answer #2 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We're in the same boat. Not sure about the weight thing, I still don't have a solution, but the tiredness and sadness could be partly due to a vitamin deficiency.
My wife recently found out that she was deficient in B12, and started taking supplements. Dude, the change is quite increadible, while she wasn't out of normal B12 "range" she was kind of on the low end. And now, she's off of what I thought was her lazy a** and doing things again and is more active than she's been in a while.... AND not so "down" all the freakin time... it was driving me nuts. Now hopefully that will result in some of the weight coming off. But even if it doesn't, her recent changes are almost enough for me to remember what she was like when we got married.
2006-08-27 14:11:25 · answer #3 · answered by Say it like it is 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, stop rejecting her, it just makes the situation worse. Remember, you are supose to love her for better for worse. Second, try to figure out what made her gain the weight, diet, no working out or maybe something medically wrong. Don't quiz her to figure this out just try to watch what she does compared to a few years ago. Third, change with her. If it is her diet, make it a family change, i.e eating whole grains, more fruits and veggies, etc. If she is depressed and you keep rejecting her and making her feel worse she is more likely to get bigger and more depressed. You might also put a spin on it like "we need to be healthier so we are around for our kids and we set a good example."
2006-08-27 14:39:51 · answer #4 · answered by abl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a vicious circle. She gets sadder and feels more rejected. Maybe you could sit down together with some friends or a pastor or counselor.
Otherwise, you can try to love her in other ways, and see if you both can't get things back to normal. Maybe she should see a doctor to see if she has some physical reason for not wanting to exercise and for feeling worn out but I would bet that she just is very sad.
2006-08-27 14:10:07 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello? What have you done to assist her in all the time and energy it takes to raise kids? Where is your butt when the meals need fixing, kids need something, clothes need washing, shopping for food needs to be done, etc., etc., etc.
No regard for your feeling...aw...you poor selfish baby. Men like you will someday regret being so foolish and superficial when that wonderful wife leaves. Don't think she won't if she isn't loved.
I feel for her, that she married someone that only cared about how she looked and when she lovingly had children (which if you don't know changes your body) and cared for them and YOU, now is rejected.
What can you do? Better change that attitude quick. Better start appreciating that woman. Better start pulling your weight around the house so she won't be too tired to give you something you don't deserve. Get the message? I hope so. For HER sake.
2006-08-27 14:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if she didn't feel rejected she would work out with you.
How about having sex with her and then later ask her to work out with you.
A marriage is a two-way street, you get what you give, so how about giving her some attention dispite her looks and then she'll most likely have sex with you.
You shouldn't be treating her any different but instead discussing fun things to do with her that also involve working out. This way you get what you want (her to lose weight) and she gets what she wants (attention from you and time with you).
2006-08-27 14:16:05 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering what happened 2 1/2 years ago that would cause her to put on so much weight. Has there been a major upheavel in her life? If so, you might consider that factor and see if couseling or something like that could help.
2006-08-27 14:12:31 · answer #8 · answered by Taffi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take her to the doctor fool. if she's put on alot of weight and she is tired all the time she could have something physically wrong with her.
btw, rejecting her is not going to make her feel like she wants to get up to play games or anything. she probably doesn't want to be anywhere near you. if you love her, then love her - for who she is. take interest in WHO she is, not WHAT she is. she is a person with a soul and a heart, not just some THING for you to ****.
2006-08-27 14:08:24 · answer #9 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How shallow of you! You married a woman for the person she is not some goodlooking trophy! she probably gained weight because she gave birth to YOUR children.stop acting like a 15 year old and appreciate your wife you're lucky to have her.
2006-08-27 14:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by poptrash 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋