Should I go back with her?

Question

My wife and I have been separated for seven months. It began with a restraining order filed against me. No physical violence ever occurred. I found out she was lying about an affair she had last fall. I got really moody, often shouting and cussing. Since that day in court I went to our hometown, met the other man, got some dirt on her. I've made some drastic adaptations to the pseudosingle life. I got all our debts knocked out and managed to get a new, but smaller house. I've also met a few ladies, had some fun. I've started making plans as to my post military career (I have about 13 months left.) We have a 2 year old and on visitation she often talks about the idea of dating me again, getting to know me again. I can sense that she wants to come back. She confessed her affair and she states that she's made some changes. I still love her, but I wonder about her motives, since she talks about how hard she has it economically. Plus now I have done some things. What shoud I do?

Answer 1

I think you should stay the way you are now with her.
I don't think a relationship with her would be appropriate after all that you've been through. She filed a restraining order over false abuse! She obviously has some self detained issues. Not only that, but she also had an affair, so if she cared so much about you, she wouldn't have done those things before when the two of you were together.
You seem to have done better off without her. I suggest not getting romantically involved with this woman again. Because, if you do, she might try and destroy you once again; bring you into debt and cause you unwanted and unnecessary drama.
Stick to your single life, as it seems to suit you best. She doesn't deserve to be with you after all the crap she put you through previously; she deserves her dosage of karma.

Answer 2

I think that this is a hard position to be in because you are almost damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think that you should follow your heart. Not all of us are perfect but you have to be able to live with the decision that you make. It would be easier if you were to see how what you ever you decide to do was the best answer for you, but life ain't that way.
I wish you well and hope that whatever you do, you are successful.
Your daughter is an important investment and no matter what you do, it is obvious that you want to make her a part of your life. What a blessing that is that you have a want to see your child. I think that only you really know what the possibilities are and need to react to your gut. Good luck and I wish you well.
Operapuccini

Answer 3

well if u realy love her give her another chance, but take it slow dont rush into nothing that also means the sex.. start to talk to her about what lead up to this affair. dont make her feel bad just talk it through so u can see what was going on for her to do this. this is a marriage so u will make some mistakes if u can 4 give her and move on then u have a chance but if u r still bitter than leave it alone. rember u have a child so try it again but watch her watch her close... but dont over do it .... date her take her out to the movies out to eat ect.... tell her what u did as well dont hide it keep it real... then take ur kid out the next time u 2 go out get to know the real her good luck.

Answer 4

Once a cheater is always a cheater. She only admitted the affair because she had to and time is running out for her on the divorce clock. The reason she wants to come back is money. Just go through with the divorce. Go on with your life. She was a part of your life, and you can't change that. Please don't go back because you will always wonder if she is cheating again. Once you lose trust it's over. Life is just too short.

Answer 5

I don't think it's a good idea for you guys to get back together, because once you told her that you've dated a few ladies while you're separated, I doubt she's able to trust you again, 2 people having trust issues won't work in a relationship, you'll just end up separated again if you decided to get back with your wife.

Answer 6

Someone said "follow your heart". I hate to say it, but doing that got you into that mess to begin with, now it's time to think "smart".

My ex cheated and the idea of getting back with her was talked about, but I couldn't get over the thought that trust was like a chain with links, once the chain breaks, you might be able to repair the link, but it will never be as strong as it was when it was new, and because of that, it was always unpredictable under presure. You don't want to get yourself in a position when things get tough in the relationship, and you always worried about whether the chain will break.

Answer 7

That also depends on your motives for wanting to go back.

If you love her and can forgive her affair(s) and start fresh, sure, try dating again. If you can't forgive her or you're unsure if she only wants you back for financial reasons, you may want to wait.

Try not to make up your mind one way or the other just yet... give yourself some time to think about what you want and why.

Answer 8

I think it's best to move on. You may not be able to trust her again after she had that affair, and you will probably feel resentment towards her because of that. End the contact, move on and find someone new who will be true to you no matter what.

Answer 9

If you two can every really love each other again it will happen. But be careful because she might be desperate to fix her less than desirable economic situation.

Answer 10

Follow your heart. it can happen, people can change and some just need to grow up. "you don't know what you got till it's gone" is so true, you can't sometimes fully appreciate what you have until you loose it.