Very Heart broken righ now<<< Mothers and Daughters,,,?

Question

~~~ thank you for all your answers,,,My new husband of 7 years treats me wonderfully,,,,like a queen,,,and I have told my daughter that I am so happy,,,,she is only 23 and in her 2nd marriage,,,,my first marriage was abusive I stuck it out for 20 yrs. I love my grandaughter, 4 yrs old,,,she use to come over every few weeks to have fun spend the night,,,my daughter is in her 2nd marriage,,1st one very abusive,,,new one of 9 months he is hard working,,but I never saw the " love " aspect ,,,now she is pregnant again,,,she wants me to be there for her and her daughter 24/7...did my job,,,raised my 2 children,,,she still resents my new of 7 years husband....my son,,,he does not get along with his sister,,,he says she has anger issues,,,still,,,,what ever I say or dont say,,,,do or dont do she is angry with me,,,,she is angry because I did not bring a camera to her wedding,,,,I dont own a camera,,,I worked 10 hours drove to vegas,,,was tired,,,didnt want to party with everyone,,,,she is mad

Answer 1

YOU can't change your daughter -- you have done enough already. She is the one in trouble right now it seems -- getting pregnant again and not really ready or willing to take on the Responsibility of being an ADULT Woman and just appreciating that you were there in the first place.

For your own sanity -- buy an answering machine right now -- and let it ring through. That way you do not have to hear the rants and you can look at the caller id information and choose when you want to accept calls -- and please, for your own sake -- start doing that!

Sadly, she is very demanding -- and I know what it is like to be a single parent, having to struggle all the time and not having your children appreciate your efforts and sacrifices. As far as the wedding goes -- given that you can't afford a camera -- what in the world is she doing saying you should have brought a camera to take pix at the wedding? Is she not aware of what your struggles were when raising her?

I think that just making the effort to go to the wedding was enough -- and if it was me, it would have been appreciated. Yes, you were tired -- and that could easily be seen. Sometimes others can't see how tired a person is, and still poke and poke and make demands.

So I say here -- get that caller ID and the Answering Machine -- and let yourself take a break right now. She needs to learn how to deal with her situation on her own -- and if you keep propping her up like she wants, she will NEVER learn how to be a Responsible Adult or deal with her own problems.

Answer 2

Key words: you've already raised your children! Your daughter needs to grow up and allow you to be happy in your own life. She sounds manipulative and controlling. I'm sure that's not the way you rasied her but children who come from an abusive home do have tremendous anger issues. My guess is that she is very angry with you for staying with her father for 20 years. She suffered because you "put up with abuse." She proved that when she married an abusive man as well. She is probably angry and disappointed that you didn't stand up for yourself or your children by staying in a horrible marriage. She is a product of what she learned growing up. You can't change that but you can sit down with her and openly discuss this situation. Possibly consider counselling with a professional for the 2 of you so you can both clear the air. Don't let this go unchecked. It will get worse. I know because I've been there myself on both ends of the spectrum and there is no easy fix to this problem. Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh, that's sad. I'm sorry to hear about it. I don't know what the right answer is, but I know that you really understand what your parents went through when you have kids and they grow into teens and adults and make your life hell! Whatever you decide, take comfort in the fact that in some way (and hopefully not a painful way) she'll have an awakening and probably apologize.

I'm sure if I was expecting in the first year of my marriage with a husband who works all the time (hey wait, that happened to me!!! ) I would be angry all the time too! But it's not your fault- she was the one who made that choice!

Answer 4

I think that you need to tell your daughter to grow up and act like 23 instead of 12. If she is getting mad at petty stuff like this, just let her be for a bit, and she will come around. It is crazy that she is treating you like this, and as long as you let her get by with it, she will keep doing it. She needs to learn that she can not get angry all the time for the sake of her 2 children...

Answer 5

Penny, you did your duty to bring her up in this world. You sent her to the edge of the nest and she had to either fly or crash. Sounds like she is jealous of what you have. "Moms are not suppose to be happy. Young people are to be in love and live happy ever after!" She doesn't realize, you are not dead! You did your time. You raised you family now she needs to take on her role and responsiblity and lie in the bed she made for herself. If she don't like it, its her shoes to get glad in! Penny, don't let your kids run your later years. You put enough time into it now you have the opportunity to live! So, girlfriend, LIVE! Enjoy life! Life is too short to squabble over stupid things-she should let things go so everyone around her would ENJOY being around her which would make her life easier and happier. Tell her to take a chill pill and leave you alone! I know you love her and your granddaughter but Penny, you have to cut the apron strings too!
I was in the same situation, I know what you are going thru! Hang in there and be happy!!!! Don't let someone ruin your happiness, its too precious!!

Answer 6

I would think that a girl planning a wedding would make sure there was someone there to take pictures. She shouldn't have decided to just hope her mother brought a camera along. this girl sounds like a pain in the a** to me. Do your thing and enjoy your life and don't worry about how she feels about you.