so i had my wife served today. not because i want a divorce, but because i had to get one. but what if i made a mistake. oh god. i miss her already. i still love her. but her motives are very questionable. we tried a therapist, but our problems were more fundamental than that. but i can't stop crying...the pain is SOOOO much right now. i just want nothing more than to hold her. we were gonna have our 1 year anniversary on sept 7...so close. i miss her...but it's over for sure now. i wish things were different. just to hold her one more time....just once more. even though i still don't know if she really loved me...i did love her.
2006-08-27 13:09:02 · 21 answers · asked by pinched 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she was using me. plain and simple. but that doesn't make me stop having feelings.
2006-08-27 13:16:39 · update #1
deep down i am afraid of being alone. we have had such a rocky year that it's not even funny. our foundation was bad to start with. but i have feelings for her that i never had before. this hurts. i still don't know after nearly 1 year if she really loved me...she cared for me...but love for me is doubted. she was using me...whether or not she loved me in addition is tough.
i confronted her with problems today and her instinct was to pack up and leave...like the Jig was up or something...it's almost like a James Bond type life i have lead the last year.
2006-08-27 13:22:58 · update #2
everyone thank you very much. thank you thank you thank you.
she was the first woman i truly loved...that makes it harder. that and the thought that you'd have it forever. but it's been so agrivating...yet these feelings for her...
2006-08-27 13:27:00 · update #3
love hurts, but only time will heal your wounds. so give yourself time to heal
2006-08-27 13:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by montanamom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation. I loved a man very much and we were married only a short time. He was very selfish and was using me the whole time. I filed after learning he was having an affair. It was very painful but the more I learned about him and with time I have come to see how very blessed I am that he was removed from my life after such a short time. I am very thankful I did not spend many years being used by him and being taken for granted. I am still you young enough to start over (mid 30's). I've been by myself for 2 years now and am finally to a place in life where I realize I may always be alone and I am okay with that. That is the place you need to get yourself to. It will take time.
2006-08-27 13:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by Unknown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you man. I too married a woman I loved and she said she loved me. Everything was good until we got married and then I found out that the only reason she married me was for security...not because she loved me. I tried for awhile but you can only go on pretending for so long with someone you know does not feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It hurt like hell when I filed on her but I knew it had to be done. Even if you were to hold her one more time it wouldn't change anything except to make YOU hurt even more than you do now. Ask yourself this....Do you want to stay with a woman that you know does not love you, and even if you did, how long do you think it would be before she cheated on you and made you hurt even more than you do now ? Your heart will heal man, it's just gonna take time. No one said it was gonna be easy...cus it's not. Trust me on that ! But if you stay with her then one day she's gonna split and leave you hurting again. Better to end it now and start your healing or your just gonna prolong the agony. Good Luck Man !
2006-08-27 13:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like the person said before, let yourself cry, its healthy. I am divorced too..i know what you are going through. But on my end, i divorced him because of mental abuse. Think of life as a puzzle, you can sit there and try to bang that piece into the slot to fit, but it just wont fit. Hon, if it didnt work and you tried, let it go. The pain will subside and you will look back on this as a learning experience for life. What helped me through my divorce was finding friends. I had a large social network in place when i got divorced, i dont know what i would have done without them. Go to a friend, look for some distraction and a positive outlook on the situation, you will get better with time.
2006-08-27 13:20:19 · answer #4 · answered by magickitty0621 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
geez, buddy get some backbone
you're the type of guy who women walk over
you also have no self respect, as you served and then you whine and cry?
that's a mixed message
you HAVE to know there are far more women out there
so what you almost made it a year.....
if anything you should be happy you found out now what she was doing then 10 years down the road when you have kids and then you get divorced.. then you are truly screwed...
no if i was you i'ld be doing happy backflips and clear my head and start dating when emotinally you got it together
but put you soon to be ex behind you allready
she's not worth it
she comes a dime a dozen
don't buy into the myth you only have one great women in your life or she is the one....
as you soon find out with a 50% plus divorce rate in this country there are many more like you who think the same thought only to find out otherwise
you need to wisen up
2006-08-27 13:22:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We never know if our actions are the right ones. Only God knows that. Maybe for now this is for the best, and who knows maybe someday, under different circumstances, she will return especially if you two were meant to be. Time will heal the pain, but just remember the good times. Divorces are never easy and there is no sure cure for easing of the pain that goes along with one. Dont try to blame her or yourself for your marriage falling apart as sometimes it just wasnt meant to be. Loose yourself in a hobby or friends or something to keep your mind off it. Take up fishing as it helps Im told in more ways then one. Sorry about your marriage and good luck with your future
2006-08-27 13:24:10 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my husband was in this situation, he was with a woman who was 10 years older than him. Oh but he loved her so much. They were together for 7 years and they had nothing. They even got to a point of living in a motor home with her and the three kids. She never worked the whole time and things got stressful.
She finally kicked him out when he started to get violent. Which I do not agree with but, after the things I heard about her fro various people I wanted to beat the **** out of her myself. Anyway she was using him to take care of her and the 3 girls but he didn't see this until years and years later. Him and I got together and just the other night we were talking about how bad his life was with her. He told me "see that's how blind love can be" I see now all the things people were telling me about her, but I didn't see them then. It took him a long time to get over her but he knew he had to, his life was miserable and going nowhere. Sorry for the pain you are feeling but lots have been there so don't feel alone. Love yourself enough to give yourself better. God bless.
2006-08-27 13:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by e_deckwa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things DO get easier. Broken hearts heal, plain and simple. No matter if you were married, dating, etc. They get better and go away with time.......and a new perspective.
Keep busy is the number one thing to do in the beginning. After the divorce, get into dating casually(nothing serious) just as a distraction. Do things with your friends or by yourself that you couldn't do when you were stuck with her. Travel if you can.
Yes, we've all been there in that horrible place you're in. I'm sorry for you, but in a way.......I can be happy for you too because I know from experience that it DOES pass in time, and that if things were as bad as you're saying......then in time you will look back and be glad you freed yourself.
2006-08-27 13:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound as if you have thought this through and know what you are doing and why. I hope you can be strong.
You have to get control of your own life right now. You need to see a counselor just for you. They can help you focus on yourself and getting over this. Find a divorce support group - they are great. You get to meet with people who know what you are going through.
Good luck with the future. You made the right decision.
2006-08-27 13:29:59 · answer #9 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I get so sick of these people saying "talk to a counselor". Can't they read? You already did. Just cry as much as you want. She must have done something awful. Just know others are thinking of you, wishing you well. After a while, it will start to get better. Try to get out of the house. Take walks, go shopping, see friends, anything. Best of luck to you. I care.
2006-08-27 13:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its not over till the papers are signed.. just cause she was served with court papers doesnt mean that its a done deal.. but, u need to figure out if u really love her, or are u just scared of being alone?????? if u really love her, and if she loves u.. then stop the divorce proceedings.. and figure out how to work out ur marriage..
2006-08-27 13:19:42 · answer #11 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋