why do older women lose desire for sex?

Question

I am 50 and wife is 46. my wife used to enjoy sex, for the past 5 years became less and less frequent.Now it has been almost a year since we had sex.When I try to kiss or hug her she gives me a peck and pushes me away.I keep trying but she always says,not now.Now I don't even try anymore.I know she will say no.

Answer 1

Maybe she's going through menopause. Have you tried asking what is bothering her? Sometimes we feel distant from you men when we feel like you don't appreciate us.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for you. I know how you feel. After my wife told me no, 7 nights in a row, I gave up trying. But at least she waited until she was 60. Your's is getting an early start.

Now just think, at her age, she may be just having some issues that neither you nor I may understand. That thing called "hot flashes" and referred to as the change of life. She just might be uncomfortable with having sex at the present. Why don't you see if you can have a sit down talk with her. Try to find out how she feels, and explain to her how you feel. No! This is not the opportunity for you to go out exploring and trying to find a replacement. This is the time for you to love her even more. Think of all that she has done for you over the years.

Answer 3

In answer to your question: Why do older women lose desire for sex? Some older women may lose desire, but not all older women lose desire for sex. Honestly it sounds like your wife pushes you away because you don't appeal to her anymore, because if a woman really wants to be with you-----she won't be pushing you away. Maybe a marriage counselor could help sort out the issues that have led to your wife's lowered libido.

Answer 4

I am 58 and my wife is 57, she and I have not had sex in over 4 + years. Does it bother me, you bet it does but she says she can live without it. I have tried to get her and I to go counseling but she says no, and she will not go to a doctor either. She refuses to go to any doctor, and our kids have not had any luck in her seeing a doctor.
She mentioned before, if there is something wrong with me, I will never tell anyone because I do not want sympathy. Is it tough living under the same roof and separate bedrooms, Yes it is. Have I thought about seeing other people lately, Yes I have and I probably will even if it is wrong to do it.
There are men and women in this world that can go without sex, but I am one of the guys that loves sex, and I want to enjoy myself before I go under the ground.
I do not try anymore, because I know she will say no as well.
This could go on into another chapter, but I want go there. lol

Answer 5

There's no good reason except health issues. Its time for that doctors visit. If that does not do it ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this for another 15 years. If that answer is no then its time for the lawyer. At 50+ as well, I still consider that a necessary part of marriage and would not want to stay with anyone who would act like that voluntarily.

Answer 6

It is likely to be hormonal. Hormones affect us in various ways throughout our lives, not just at that time of month for women, or just when they go through menopause. Stress is a huge factor when it comes to sex drive. The first things to try are making sure she's taking care of herself in terms of eating well, getting enough sleep, etc. She could always go to a doctor and see if her hormone levels are out of whack, but she has to want to do that. If she doesn't see it as a problem, it's not likely to change.

Answer 7

I think women feel unattractive after having given birth and raising children...men are always oggling younger and thinner women...while women struggle and fight with their emotions while trying to juggle family, work, raising kids, etc....on top of being just plain exhausted...they find that their man is really just "there" when it comes to sex most of the time...and it's hard to stay connected and feel desirable and in the mood etc...in fact it's just the opposite most of the time...you feel like you have to perform and put on an act and appear interested in sex and women just don't want to fake it. That makes it even worse. Maybe something hormonal does happen to us I don't know. I do know that women need to feel connected and need lots of TLC...I think you have to proceed slowly and rebuild your relationship until she trusts you enough to be intimate again. Start having fun again like you did when you first met. Laugh, play, joke, tease, do spontaneous things that surprise and please her. You have to make her feel desirable and re-awaken those desires. It's hard to be everything to everyone and sometimes you just withdraw to hang on to what little you have left of yourself.

And it becomes very difficult to reconnect after being distant for so long...she may really want to...but just doesn't feel right about just "jumping into it" again...maybe some fun and romantic nights out will help warm her up again...try it and see. Something she really would enjoy doing.

Answer 8

Are you still attractive? I mean have you kept yourself up or have you put on weight? As we get older, we do lose some of that desire for sex that we had when we were younger. I think that's normal. My husband and I are 52 and 51. We don't have sex nearly as often as we used to but we are closer in so many other ways.

Answer 9

She could be in perimenopause, the phase that goes on for YEARS (excuse me, I had a moment) before menopause actually occurs.

Some women do experience a decrease in their libido, and it may be hormonal or it could be because she feels like she's getting old.

You need to talk with her. You need to find out what she's feeling, and you need to go out of your way to let her know you love her and are looking forward to getting older together. You also need to NOT make comments about women, any women that are negative. She may wonder if you'll feel the same way about her.

On the bright side, you may find her libido goes up once she's actually IN menopause.

Talk. Go to counseling. Let her know you love her more with every passing year. Be patient. Alot of marriages fall apart about now...remember that you love her, and she loves you.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Who says they do? Something's wrong, she hasn't liked it for 5 yrs? That makes her 41 at the time. That's really not what I cal an older woman. Did she ever like it? Are you a considerate, unselfish and good lover? Talk to her about it. Ask her to be honest.

Answer 11

There are some that theorize that it is because as women get older, they lose their ability to bear children. Their bodies no longer desire a man to fertilize an egg (subconsciously), because it can no longer happen.