I am married 2 kids one of which is not biologically his but has seen him grown the child is now 5yo and we have a newborn of 10 months. We seem to hit heads so much and he has cheated but swears he is sorry. He doesnt spend time with the 5 yo nor I really we dont have much of a sex life he wants to but I cant.. Well I dont just want sex I need him to talk to and love and when all goes wrong I can find myself just spreading my legs for the hell of it. I feel as if divorce is the only option because we cant even talk he yells and takes no blame at all. I feel lost and alone I need to leave but he said I can't take our youngest.. I dont know what to do I am tired and too yound to be so unhappy I mean I love him but he doesnt understand me or my feelings. Is it me or what?
2006-08-27 12:30:11 · 10 answers · asked by tashafleming25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well considering she was a 15 yo girl and he is 30 yo its not hard to prove I have her address and number. I just dont know if we are at the point of no return. He is not sensitive to me or my feelings but I love our son so much
2006-08-27 12:39:53 · update #1
He says nothing is wrong but I know there is. I have no one to talk too this is the first time I have spoke on it I feel just so mentally drained I am forgetting things
2006-08-27 12:48:01 · update #2
he swears he is happy and love me to death and would die without me but his actions are so different.
2006-08-27 12:48:51 · update #3
Yeah, counseling is a good first step. He's out of his mind if he thinks that after his infidelity that your sex life will go back to normal, or even be normal with a 10 mo old baby and a 5 year old. For women, the brain is the larger sex organ, and it's difficult to engage with a man when you're upset with him over something. A lack of communication or interaction or emotional connection will make that very difficult. However, sometimes just saying that to him will not get the point across. There are times with only a professional will be able to convey this information.
So give it some thought, and you might also want to let him know that he doesn't hold the cards when it comes to the child. If you split, you have a much better chance of having custody of the kids, and he will have to pay and get them on the weekends, etc. Does that sound attractive to him? And I don't mean that as a threatening, "women have the power" thing, just that maybe he's a little outside of reality when you argue and isn't considering what's at stake. Just be careful about walking out on him. Make the effort to work things out before you give up, but get help with that.
2006-08-27 13:07:11 · answer #1 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, unless youve been convicted or have charges pending of drug or child abuse, the divorce courts will award you custody of the kids, child support, the house and possible spousal support. He can tell you what he wants, but his word is cheap and carry no weight. You dont have to put up with this guy and divorce courts favor you so you will come out ahead here. Time to leave and get a happier life with your kids. This is not your fault. It sounds like he tired of the committment he made and is now facing, but not man enough to ask for a divorce. He feels tied down and doesnt like it so hes taking his own shortcomings out on you. Theres nothing youve done wrong nor anything you can do to change him, so look out for yourself and your kids. He will come to realize what he has lost and will forever regret it. Good luck and sorry about your marriage
2006-08-27 12:51:31 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly, you are overwhelmed. Man, a lot to deal with boy!! Have you tried counselling?? Would he be willing?? Can you have a real candid conversation about it with a family member or friend??
If YOU feel like you've given the relationship all you have, then perhaps it is time for a change.
I completely admire you for knowing when enough is enough and for realizing you deserve more. I think soooo many just lack the objectivity to do this.
Should also mention that he can not TELL you that you can't take your youngest child. Seek an attorney's advice before kicking him to the curb....uhhh, if that's what you decide.
2006-08-27 12:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek out some professional help. He didn't just have an affair he committed a crime. I'm sure he's sorry probably because he doesn't want to go to prison. You have a child together and will always, but he cannot dictate to you about the child. Set up a free consult with an attorney, to explore your options.
2006-08-27 12:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by Unknown Oscillator 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you take any steps, talk to a lawyer and ask him what your rights are. Just because your husband has said that you can't take your young son, doesn't mean that you really can't, especially if you file for divorce on the grounds of adultery.
Of course, you need to also get proof of his infidelity (cellphone bill, credit card bills where hotel rooms are included, etc. so that you can make a stronger case.
2006-08-27 12:36:52 · answer #5 · answered by enlightenedwell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not you. It's him. What does he want out of this marriage? It seems like he doesn't want to be in it anymore. I don't know if counseling will help you but it's an option. But, don't stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your child. It won't change anything unless your husband is willing to admit he has a problem and deals with it.
2006-08-27 12:43:25 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are young and deserve to be happy,first of all he can't tell you that you can't take the children,the judge decides that,and unless you are some type of unfit mother,usually kids go with mom.but don't throw in the towel just yet,make an appointment for a therapist for both of you,there may be something left that could be worked out,things happen in life for a reason,this strain on your marriage could make you guys stronger than ever or make you see things in a whole new light,good luck!
2006-08-27 12:49:27 · answer #7 · answered by G. kravitz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you do is go to a counselor. That is the only way to deal with this initial phase. You need to find out who you are and what you want. You need to develop some functional life skilss..then take the next step.
2006-08-27 12:36:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not you maybe he needs to grow up and you need to go on with your life take your kids and start over i know its easyer said then done i have 2 kids and i walked away with nothing but my kids they were 6 months and 3yrs old i just couldnt take it no more and now i have a great man hes wounderful to my kids.and i get along with my ex now sometimes your better off freinds then anything. honey take it from someone whos been thur it. go on with your life you deserve better.
2006-08-27 12:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by pudding_pops2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are in a bad situation.
If you are miserable, get out of it.
2006-08-27 13:21:04 · answer #10 · answered by Yes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋