Should I go ahead and tell my homophobic Mom that im gay even tho she has asked me before?

Question

My mom is so homophobic but she claims shes not. Shes asked me before because of all my gay friends and messages on my phone (why she needs to look through my things on my phone is beyond me!) I just say no im not and make up some excuse about it. I have a good reason for not telling her which is that i fear i wont have a place to stay cuz im only a junior in high school. I know that i should wait but my moms asked my so ******* much that i want to give in and tell that i am and if she doesnt like it...she can get over it. Its annoying feeling like i have to change into this "perfect heterosexual girl" everytime i come home from school or parties. I want to be myself...but i cant! If i were to be myself around my mom it would be nothing but ridicule and hurt. What should i do cuz im pround of being a lesbian but if being proud means no home or food...im backing down.

Answer 1

Ahh, I've said this so many times on here, but again, story of my life. The only difference between us is that I like guys and you like girls. Oh, and I'm in high school, but thats irrelevant. Lol. Sweetie, I could go on and give you some vague **** that wouldn't help you at all, like "Just follow your heart", but you know what? If you knew what you're heart was saying, you wouldn't be asking this question. So I'm gonna be drop dead honest with you. Telling our moms is a good idea, it's a great idea, and it could save you a lot of trouble if we do it now instead of later, because there is no better time than the present. HOWEVER, coming out to our parents NOW could create just as many problems, maybe even more. I wouldn't worry too much about your mom kicking you out of the house, that used to be one of my main worries as well, but I've realized two things. A) It's highly unlikely that your mom would kick you out of the house, either because you're her daughter and she loves you too much, or because you're her daughter and she knows she could get into some serious trouble for kicking you out and making you live on the streets, being that she is on a whole responsible for you until you turn 18. B) Even if she DOES turn you out, you will ALWAYS have somewhere to go. I'm sure you have friends you could stay with, relatives who still love you, anyone. So don't worry about being kicked out. What you should worry about is the fact that once you come out to your mom, you can't take it back, and you'll have to live in the same house with her knowing and treating you differently and all. Thats what I wouldn't be able to stand. Yeah, I want my mom to stop making comments about gays and how much I act like one, but what if she starts making fun of me, or treating me like I'm some sort of diseased person. No, I don't think I could deal with that. So, what can you do? I've been planning for weeks to tell my mom sometime soon, but I haven't done it yet because I'm not sure exactly how to do it, or even if I should, even tho my friends keep urging me to. Of course, the friends that urge me to tell my mom are str8, so they don't understand half of what I feel. But thats okay. I'll tell you what. I DO think you should tell your mom if you think ANYTHING good can come out of it (and believe me, some good can come out of it, because at least you wont be under the pressure to hide it anymore), just like I think I should tell mine. For some reason, probably because we have so much in common I see, i feel strangely led to be here for you, to be your friend and help you thru whatever decision you make, so sweetie, if you ever need to talk to anyone, theres always me, I'll try to be here for you and help you anyway I can, and hopefully we can both benefit. I don't know if my page shows my email address or now, but if not, it's [e-mail], and anytime you need to, just email me, and being that I really have no life (I should really get one of those ya know, lol), I promise I'll make time to get back to you. So, I hope I helped, and I hope you realize how much I WANT to help you. Loves,
~!*Justy Bean*!~

Answer 2

I am probably old enough to be your grandmother and I am also probably older than your mother. Regardless, I am going to give you some advice. I know it is hard, but if you think that your mother will kick you out, do not tell her your sexual orientation. Get the education you need to be self-supporting while you are at home. Once you have that, then tell her. Figure out what it would cost you to live on your own. Take a look at the cost of renting an apartment, owning a car, paying for insurance, feeding yourself and clothing yourself. If you can't come up with the cash now, you really don't have a choice. Do not set yourself up for hurt, ridicule and poverty. Hang out with people who are understanding and supportive. None of us, regardless of sexual orientation, can be who we are at times. Grin and bare it and realize that it is temproary. I am so sorry that your mother is so homophobic. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 3

*If she's asking like she is, she already knows*. It's healthier for both of you to talk and be honest and open with each other, and that way you can stop pretending too. If you keep this lie up, you'll just have more of the same crap you're complaining about now. If you out yourself to her, sure there's a chance of her being really mean and nasty, but there's also a chance for a much better tommorrow. Part of the key is *open, honest communication* between you and her about your feelings. I tried that, and I actually *got through* to my mom that *still* hasn't dealt with her divorce that happened 12 years ago! Best of luck to ya!

And I'll agree with someone else, *if there is a serious chance of her kicking you out*, get yourself in a position to be able to support yourself and then tell her. That way if she does kick you out, you'll be able to be yourself AND still be able to afford a roof over your head, etc.

Answer 4

Don't. I'm also a junior in high school, but I'm bi. My mother is as homophobic as you can get. She is a Christian Conservative, and isn't afraid to get physical. If I came out to her, it'd be hell on earth. I'm just going to duke it out until I move out, then tell her. Our relationship is already on the rocks because we clash over something everyday, and her wick is like, 1 attometer short (which is really, really short--1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000 of a meter. Go chem!), so adding the fact that I'm bi and attracted to girls would just throw her over the edge.

I know what you mean, by saying you want to be yourself. Believe me--I've wanted to come out to her before, but I tested the water before I did, and everytime I've almost done it, she's bashed gays, which causes me to back down. She's asked me once or twice whenever I bring it up and defend them, but I always deny it. Besides, I really don't feel like having to deal with hell for the remaining 2 years of my high school life AND going to church every blessed day it's open (which she would undoubtedly make me do--if she didn't kick me out). Besides, my truck would be taken away, and my social life would be completely gone. So basically, I don't have a choice.

Now, this is only me, but you have to weigh the consequences, too. You say she's a homophobe, but how much of one? What is the worst that she's capable of? What do you think she would do? You must assume the worst when planning on coming out of the closet--to anyone--especially your parents, if they're tried an' true homophobes.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Answer 5

Being proud of your orientation has no bearing on your situation, and anyone -- anyone -- knocking you for keeping a roof over your head is an immature fool. As tough as it is, you're stuck growing up earlier than many. That's something to take pride in. The trick is to start really thinking about where you want to be in five years. Focus on that, make it your target, and when your mom is on your case, just think, "she is not going to stop me from reaching my potential and living well." Be bigger than her. Double up on classes, push for scholarship grades, study a trade, do what's necessary to make a decent living as soon as you can. That is something to truly take pride in.

PS - I think your mom already knows. If at any point you realize that she's not going to kick you out, tell her. Honesty is best, just not when you sacrifice safety for it.

Answer 6

I didn't come out to my mom and i though she would be okay with it because she taught us to love everyone. My mom came out to me. When i was 22 she sat me down at our kitchen table and we had a talk. I was crying through out the whole thing. She told me aren't you happy to have it off your chest. But since she is religious she didn't approve it but told me she still loved me because i'm her daughter. So we went to a group for Catholic parents of gay, lesbian, transgender children. It helped. She is getting better. SHe even lived with my girlfriend and I for a year in my place.

My girlfriend is not really out to her family. Certain friends now about her. Her family knows me and they asked her if i was gay. They saw my stickers on my car. To them she tells them i'm her roomate. But she said yes she is gay. Is that a problem. They said no. They have asked her multiple times if she was gay and she didn't answer.

Come out to your mom when your ready. Give her time. If you guys need outside help don't afraid to ask. There are groups everywhere you just have to do a lil research.

Answer 7

My advice to you is, there's never a good time to tell your family and friends that you're gay. The way i did it was when i felt comfortable enough to tell someone that's when i told them. When the moment is right for you to tell your mom you're know.

Answer 8

I dont Know. Im Not going to tell my mom because she would flip out then think that she was a failer as a parent

Answer 9

Go ahead and tell her, but to be safe, make sure you have somewhere to stay in case you are kicked out. give her time though to adjust. Even if you're kicked out, she'll invite you back home

Answer 10

I think you should tell her. A part of being a parent is unconditional love. If she doesn't understand that then she is not a fit parent.

Good luck to you.