in relationships? why be convinced that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, marry them and then change your mind, is it alot of people, really just want that big wedding day and abit of security?
2006-08-27 11:33:29 · 23 answers · asked by Supergirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with Tony
2006-08-27 11:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, people are in love with the idea of being with that particular person. Marriages portrayed on TV is somewhat of a fairy tale, and some people are sold on the idea of getting married and living happily ever after. First of all.. people really dont take the time required to get to know one another to make that life long committment. They think, and react, without giving all that "could" go wrong a second thought. Marriage should be for better or worse, richer or poorer. Everyone says the vows, but few really study on the words and what they mean. So.. when the going gets tough.. the wimpies get out. Its easier to get out than try to compromise the problems. Marriage is alot of giving and taking. Lots of times, you end up having to give up more than you ever thought of giving up...and then some more. I feel that everyone contemplating marriage should at least know the person whom they want to marry for at least 5 years or more.
Marriage takes work each and every day. This fairy tale that some people have in their eyes.. is so, so very far from the truth.
2006-08-27 11:56:11 · answer #2 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a bit of "insecurity"!
It is a world of living and learning!
I think now days people take marriage way too lightley. It is too easy to think "Hey, if it doesn't work, just divorce"! Oh, so wrong! That's where we become so disfunctional!
We need to be happy within ourselves first before we can be happy with adding another person to the equation!
I'm sure you understand when I say "The heart and mind, tug at each other". Sometimes the heart says one thing and the mind says the other! We all need to find that happy medium where we can listen to our heart, our mind and then make a decision based with both!
What I am going to say next I know is a very contraversial subject. Coming from a religious family who frowns on this....(I went against it)
Do we really know one another (the way we need to) if we have not tried living together first? My own thoughts are "I would rather try living with this person first before I marry them, I will have a better idea of what is instore for the future.
How else to really learn one another?!
I also believe that being friends first.....is the only way!
Before I married the love of my life, we lived together first. For a year before we got married we so-mingled. Although, he had his house, I had mine we lived together for the majority...with 3 small children! I found hin to be a better father to my boys than their actual father was!
I ended up marrying my best friend!!!
The best years of my life.....
I spent with him!
2006-08-27 12:39:12 · answer #3 · answered by TJ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, you have to be able to trust in your OWN judgement! There are so many variables, and it can be rather like a juggling act! Getting to really know someone is the first step. But finding the right person as it's called, involves so much more! Finding someone who thinks similar ways and wants similar things from life; who is a sharing sort of person that will TALK with you are not easy things to `order up' and it takes courage and determination to get to where you want to go to, in the field of relationships! No one intentionally goes about it the wrong way! It's just human nature and nature can be very unpredictible!
2006-08-27 13:43:21 · answer #4 · answered by Bluebells21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because a lot of people aren't prepared for the hard work a marriage involves. It's all love and roses, at least that's what they think. They want the fairy tale and they often find themselves in for a rude awakening after marriage starts (me included). Unfortunately, divorce is entirely too easy to achieve, not to mention we're not taught how to have a good marriage, that kind of thing is still in it's beginning stages. We're also tend to be taught to keep your dirty laundry to ourselves, so a lot of people wait entirely too long to get help, if they even can. Sometimes people just don't know where to look and don't have the money. Basically, it seems to me that people get stuck and don't see any other way out.
2006-08-27 11:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people do this because, at first, its more lust than anything else(or sex is another way of putting it) This phase lasts for about 2 years at the most, The next two years the couple realise and agonise whether or not to get a divorce, and the next two years are spent organising it and finalising it.
The most obvious reason is that they set too many conditions and expectations from their partner and are VERY disappointed when they realise they cannot make the person into a piece of themselves. Most people will choose a partner who have the characteristics they wish they had in themselves.
None of these mistakes has anything to do with love. BUT the real reason is that TRUE LOVE IS AS RARE AS HENS TEETH! The only real test of true love is whether you would die for your mate in place of them.
2006-08-27 12:34:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of people are not mature enough to understand how much work a marriage takes. It isn't like the movies. Both people must work hard to keep things going.
Your spouse is not going to wait on you hand and foot. You have to actually do things you don't like such as cleaning the toilet when he misses. That is just part of growing up and being married.
If you are not ready, or if you are the self-centered type, then marriage will not work for you.
2006-08-27 11:40:06 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its the kids - Your whole world changes when you finally get what you want (i.e marriage) and seriously - for a while you really are happy, and then things turn your life upside down as soon as kids enter your life!
SOME (not majority), I reiterate - 'some' men don't understand what psychological tolls it has on women to go thru with pregnancy then post natal etc.. It really turns your world to a new dimension.
Its horrible and I'll never do it again!
2006-08-27 14:28:51 · answer #8 · answered by scorpion queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good observation. Most people don't realize the significance of being married and what it truly means. They are young, inexperienced and immature and are led by their emotions. They make hasty decisions without a lot of clear thought. And people's needs change and people grow with time....
I would prefer to marry someone who has experienced a lot, are mature and truly know what they want in life.
Just my thoughts anyways.
2006-08-27 11:43:02 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happens is that 2 people really like eachother and have good sex, and they think thats love-----it isnt, its just good sex with a friend. Love is caring for someone when they are really sick, ignoring their little faults, trying to please eachother, never going to bed on an argument, settling your differences by talking, not sulking, by give and take- he has a night with the boys, then she has a night with the girls. Everyone watches too much tv and believe what they see; life is a struggle and its hard, but true love will see you through it, if you just think before you open your mouth>
2006-08-27 12:27:03 · answer #10 · answered by k0005kat@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep I agree! marriage is a lot of hard work! After almost 29 years of marriage I've come to find out you need a good sense of humor! My husband was my best friend and then we had kids and we stuck out the good times and the bad times. Wouldn't change a thing other then he can do the laundry more often.
2006-08-27 11:53:07 · answer #11 · answered by ????? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋