I am completely in love with my boyfriend. He's 41 and I'm 27. From the start of our relationship we have both known he did not want more children (has one from previous marriage) and that I want to try. (he would get a vasectomy if we got married). We've tried to break up several times in seeing that neither of us will change our minds, but we always come back to each other. I'm so in love that I can't imagine my life without him. But i do want the chance to have a child. But life is funny. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I could stay with the love of my life, and just see if something would happen with kids and figure it out later. Or I could find someone else who wants to have children. But then I might not be able to have children with a new person. I am at a real loss of what to do. If you wanted to have children and ended in a childless marriage how did you deal with it
2006-08-27 10:45:15 · 9 answers · asked by cindy kim 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are the only one who can answer this question. No one here can tell you what to do and what will or will not make you happy. It sounds like you have a lot of soul searching to do.
I will add this ...true love is hard to come by.
Good luck to you.
2006-08-27 10:49:00 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the sound of your question, you still want to have a child. Your bf doesn't. There is a large difference in ages and that is probably the main reason for your different views.
As a mother I can tell you that children make a huge difference in your life. They are wonderful. If you even think there is a 10% chance that you still want a child, you need to inform the bf. He can make up his mind whether it is best for you to separate or if he is willing to have another. Don't miss out on this wonderful even in a woman's life. You will always be sorry you chose to not have a child.
I have known couple who had no children. They are loving couples who just live a different kind of life from those who do have children. Some have no children because they couldn't and some by choice. The point is that many childless couples really wish they had children.
2006-08-27 10:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really want children to fulfill your life you need to move on. He has told you he wants no kids and thats what he means. If you continue with this relationship then you might resent him if you got married and he didn't change his mind. He might resent you if you got pregnant while you were together. And you can't change a mans mind if thats what he wants. You are only 27 and can have children with another man. just make sure you are upfront about wanting children. There are plenty of men out there that would start a family. Good Luck
2006-08-27 11:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pro's of having kids, is that they make you laugh when you are down, the sound of mommy, their art pictures hanging everywhere, their hugs and kisses, those moments they are sick and they want you to lay by them and reassure them they are going to be okay they are wonderful but there are a few con's, like up all night when sick or a little baby, they get mouthy when older, tantrums, fighting with siblings, money, but there are more pro's than con's, i use to not want children when i was a teenager but then i had my first one and even though they can be changellenging i would not trade it for the world. Its up to you what you want out of life and grab it for its to late, if he don't then you can sway his answer and you don't want to be pushy where he feel obilagaited too. If he never does and you do then you know your heart. good luck and follow your hopes and dreams.
2006-08-27 11:59:35 · answer #4 · answered by hopelovesu2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear one, the desire to bear children is strong, it is in our nature. But you must look at the man you love. Is satisfying this desire worth losing him? Your 14 year difference tells me he is right in no longer wanting to raise a family. And at 27, you are ripe for it. It seems both of you are a tad selfish. Yes, life is funny. Ask yourself, will not having children really lessen your quality of life? Think of the freedom you will have, the spontaneity you will both have. Your financial burdens will be much less. Think about all the different angles.
2006-08-27 11:00:19 · answer #5 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you thought about adoption? or other options? if he doesnt want a child, he isnt going to happy if you have one. but then he isnt being real fair to you because you do want at least one.
its a hard question but if you two really love each other, you will work it out. you might make mention of the age difference and that he will probably die before you and you want his baby to not be alone or something like that.
2006-08-31 02:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to make decisions together,making someone have children if they don't want them is wrong,and i wouldn't want to have them with him if that's the case. I understand you wanting children and at 27 that's your right and its not right to keep you from having children,you guys need outside help try couple's therapy.
2006-08-27 11:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by G. kravitz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will regret not having children when you are older. My mom has friends who are OLD and ALONE now because of this 'seemingly' good choice. Who will take care of you when you are old? My kids are my 401k plan. This man is not for you if he says he loves you but is unwilling to have a child with you. He's using you for sex and fun...he's not about a real committment.
2006-08-27 10:54:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
No one can ever imagaine themselves without the person they are with. It is hard but the ability to have children is a wonderful gift. Never would I give up that gift.
2006-08-27 13:54:59 · answer #9 · answered by truelynlove225 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋