We have been together for over a year and a half, and lived with him for 8 months. we have been going through some hard financial times and are selling his house. We then were planning to get an apartment together. But last night he talked to me and said he only wanted me to move in with him if it meant us getting married in the future. Then he went on to say that he feels like he is getting older and wants to have more kids soon. (he is about 20 years older than me) I knew the part about the kids and everything. Ive thought about marriage alot in the past but when he was the one said it it really scared me for some reason. He also said that he feels sometimes that I am not attracted to him and that I am in the relationship just to be in one. But I feel the same way about him sometimes. I dont know what to do it has been an EXTREMELY stressful time for us lately and I dont know if that has someting to do with it. But I also suggested couples therapy. Would that help?
2006-08-27 10:20:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I think couples therapy is a great idea. Then the two of you can both discuss pending problems and work around them.
With all the stress, I think professional help is necessary.
2006-08-27 10:27:37 · answer #1 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 years older. That's a lifetime. Whatever brought you two together is what both you should recall. This would be a good time to ask yourself if you're IN love with him before you drastically change your life.
If you feel like there's more out there, you're staying in this relationship until something better comes along. Maybe this guy has what you want for your future self. People can sense that. Especially in relationships, people want to know where they stand-- the relationship's status. The attraction to each other may be getting lost in the midst of downsizing, finances, etc.
Just by suggesting couples' therapy, you're willing to stick it out. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know the relationship is worth saving.
Marriage doesn't prove your commitment. That's something you prove day in, day out and how you communicate. Marriage could be 10 years down the line. If it scares you to hear someone else say that, you may associate marriage as a ball and chain. Don't look at it that way. It's a partnership. You're supposed to learn from each other to be better people.
Good luck.
2006-08-27 10:52:08 · answer #2 · answered by OldyMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering both of you have concerns about how the other might feel and it is a rocky time financially, maybe living separate for a little while might be a good thing. It would be kind of like starting fresh and both of you could get some space as well as a new perspective on how both of you really feel. If you have any concerns about him taking this as a green light to see other people stress to him that with you living elsewhere you want to remain committed to the relationship, in other words no dating on others on either part. The couple's therapy would help immensely as well.
2006-08-27 10:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not even married yet and your relationship is in need of counciling. Thats not a good thing. If your having financial stress now KIDS will not improve your finanaces nor will they fix a broken relationship. Whatever you two had at the begining has begun to fade. I think you BOTH need to ask yourselves VERY serious questions. Is this truly what you want? Do you honestly want children, Look DEEP within for these answers when you have them that will give you some idea as to what direction you need to move in with this relationship.
2006-08-27 10:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy will only work if both parties really want to save the relationship. What I see after reading your question is that he, although older, is very insecure. He has low self esteem and not sure of his future. It sounds like someone is talking to him about age and kids for him to say that. Hes also not totally sure if he really wants to be married, unless you do tells me he wants to be pressured into it which will be thrown back at you later. I say this because hes old enough to know that if what he wants is to happen all he has to do is ask you to marry him. And since he hasnt or wont tells me hes very unsure about marriage unless he is forced into it. But it looks like both of you have serious doubts about your relationship feelings since you raise questions about who feels what. On its present course, this relationship is headed for possible disaster in the near future, so unless a real committment is made by both of you concerning this relationship and its future, then you should seriousily think about moving on
2006-08-27 10:45:36 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will help a lot to go for a theraphy.but i guess this is not the right time to have kids with him coz having trouble with the financial.having a kids will put both you into stress....first think how you guys will be stable and once everything goes well financially then it's time to think to have a kids and marry you.
2006-08-27 10:31:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of it is superb you're status by utilising your guy, I surely have had 9 years of on /off melancholy. Is he getting therapy etc and anti depressants from docs....if no longer that must be the 1st step. end of the day, purely you already understand how lots you could take, while you're unhappy or experience its wearing you down then in simple terms perhaps you would be greater useful off on your guy or woman or out of this relationship in any case, you purely stay as quickly as and you cant spend it sluggish unhappy as your traumatic approximately how the different guy or woman will cope etc, a depressive needs to help himself to get greater useful, have faith me in this. stable luck : )
2016-09-30 23:21:31 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and want to be with him get counseling.
2006-08-27 11:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋