Please only answer if you are over 23 please-no teens sorry?

Question

What is your take on artificial insemination? My partner and I cannot have children due to truama that my better half experienced to certain necessary parts. I love children and really do want a child within the next 5 years and I am seriously considering the options. But here are my worries
1) Will there be a disconnect between my partner and the child because technically the child will only be mine?
2) How do you tell your child something like this? I would always want to be honest.
3) How do I tell my mom, she will not be happy about it
4) What if I am not able to afford it? I feel so morally wrong paying so much money to become impregnated. It is alot of money. I feel even worse thinking of finance options...FOR A CHILD.. it freaks me out. A child is not a stereo system.

I will truly appreciate your honest opinions and your sensitivity to this situation.

Sorry- here are a few other things as I am seeing a few responses. I do not want to adopt..I want the experience and bond of actually having my own child.

The injury to my partner is not reversible. we have checked into it in depth

someone else said that if I dont have the money to pay for it I shouldnt be considering a child..we have the money, it is the morality of it all.

Answer 1

1) Will there be a disconnect between my partner and the child because technically the child will only be mine?

This is something only your husband could tell you. It's a well-known fact though that providing sperm does not make one a father. Performing fatherly duties, loving and guiding a child is what makes one a father.

2) How do you tell your child something like this? I would always want to be honest.

There are actually a lot of support groups out there for women who have chosen to use artificial insemination as an option, who could help you with this. I think honesty is best, too, but at the right time, when the child is old enough to understand. If it were me, I'd say something like "Daddy is and always will be your daddy and he loves you so much. We are so lucky because there's another man who helped Daddy make you - he's not somebody that we know, but he's a good man...."

3) How do I tell my mom, she will not be happy about it

Your mother will get over it. Once she gets used to the idea and then sees how happy you are ...and then holds her grandbaby, she's not going to care how he/she was made. You can say something like, "Mom, we've decided to start our family and we're very excited. I hope you'll be just as happy for us as we are..."

4) What if I am not able to afford it? I feel so morally wrong paying so much money to become impregnated. It is alot of money. I feel even worse thinking of finance options...FOR A CHILD.. it freaks me out. A child is not a stereo system.

Understood. If you don't have enough money up front and this is something that you really want, consider yourself lucky that you have this as an option though. If people never took loans out to make there dreams come true, this world would be less a lot of dreams. You're making the loan to what you want it to be. Just remember, however, that when you give birth, you're going to likely be making payments to the hospital or your insurance company (copayments). This is also true very every doctor prenatal visit that you'll have. There's always money involved. How is this any different? Unfortunately, money's always involved in most great things :)

I am certainly over 23. I'm a mother of two (one's 17 and one's almost 2!) I struggled with infertility the second time around and understand the great desire to have a pregnancy and child. Just remember what I said though about parenting. It's not genes that make someone a parent, it's being a good parent. If the artificial insemination doesn't work-out for you, remember that there are other options to make you a parent. The fact that you're thinking about this so thouroughly is a good sign, to me, that you're going to be a wonderful mother to some lucky child.

Good luck and *Babydust*

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I totally feel and understand your situation.....my husband and i have been trying to conceive for almost two yrs now and haven't and we've talked about the exact same thing....
1)If your partner doesn't feel that he could become emotionally connected with this child, then I would be thinking about how strong of a couple you are together. Plus, anyone can be a dad....but it takes a special person to be a father!
2)Honesty IS the best policy! Your child will grow up knowing that [he] has a mother and father that love him very much....so when the time comes [he'll] understand!
3)Who cares what your mom thinks? It's your baby, not her's. She's experienced motherhood...she know's how special it is.....doesn't she want you to experience the same thing?
4)If you put your mind to it to can accomplish anything....including paying for things that seem to be "out of your price range". People say all the time that they couldn't afford to have a child, but the truth is, is that there's really no "affordable" time to have a child.

You have to do what it right for you and your other......Good luck! =-)

Answer 4

If you really want to do it, money shouldn't be a problem. Can you imagine the amount of money spent on diapers and baby milk during the first years....And a child gives you so much more fun than a new stereo-system...and lasts longer...

Can't your partner give his own sperm for the insemination? So like that there won't be any disconnection with him? If he can't, and you both trully want to have a child, well, he should accept it and so, no disconnection with his child.

Well, your mum should understand that things in life are not so easy, and accept your desire to have children. And they will be her grand-children.

If you trully want this baby, just go for it, no matter what anyone would think or say.

Answer 5

I am 31, just so you know that I am not a teen. It kinda sounds to me that you have not discussed this with your partner. You need to ask your partner all these questions. As far as your mom goes, she should either mind her business or be supportive of her daughters choice to bring her grandchild into the world. You can tell her I said so, too...lol...anyway....as far as money goes, children are priceless, finance it if need be. If you had a child that was kidnapped and the ransom note was 100K, would you finance that if you had to to get your child back, most people would, I would. Hmmmm...telling your child...when he/she gets old enough to understand, just tell them that you loved the idea of having him/her soooo much that me and your father decided this was the best way. As fas as explaining the paternity of this child, that old saying that goes, anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. There are men out there who father a child the old fashioned way and still have nothing to do with their kids. This mans blood does not have to run through this childs veins for him to be a good dad, and as long as he lives his life remembering that, then when the truth comes out, the only thing that your child will think is this man is MY dad, he was there for me when I was sick, he helped me learn to ride my first 2 wheel bike, etc, you know what I mean. Timing will be everything, and you will need to search your heart for the right time to say the right things.

Talk to you partner and together you will both make the right choices. Good luck.

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with it what so ever but does your partner really want kids? I wonder if such is the case. Who cares what you mother thinks. Also if your partner adopts the child, I don't see any issue. If you seperate, you must understand that your exspouse will be entitled to co-custody. Get this all in writing. Your child will not question his or her existance until he or she is much older. And even then, how is this really a big deal? Also as with anyone considering having a child, make sure you are ready. If you have doubts, don't do it -- yet.

Answer 7

I really do not like all this repo tech stuff. What do you think about adoption of a child that you do not have to pay for? A needy child? Just tell the child that you wanted a child, but could not have one of your own? It is nothing to be embarrassed of then. I know it is not your own flesh and blood, but we all do not get that wonderful gift and those who do do not seem to appreciate it anyway. They scream about how the baby wrecked their figure. Meanwhile my BF and I are so sad that when we get married we are not going to be able to have a child because I am too ill. And then there are people like you who love and cannot have one. While people are around hating their ex when they have a beautiful natural born child. I would say forget the repotech. It hurts the relationship anyway. Just adopt and save the pain and the money. Do not get into the expensive adoption. I feel for you really I do. I am so sorry that people who really want to cannot. I wish you could have a baby instead of a teen. We have to work with what we get and you two still can be wonderful parents and have a wonderful life, so go about doing that. I work with daily hardships and try to keep it up, so you two go get going on having a good life.

Answer 8

Would you consider adoption? There are so many children in this world and in THIS country who need loving, giving, intelligent parents. Artificial insemination seems to me to be a very "American" thing to do in the sense that Americans are viewed by the rest of the world as being materialistic and inconsiderate. Why should we use artificial means to create more children when we already have an over population problem in this world and we have so many children who need parents? Please consider adoption rather than insemination.

Answer 9

1) No. Daddy is Daddy, regardless of how he planted the seed - or even if it was he who planted it, or if it was his seed.
2) No reason to bring that one up too soon. Let the child learn to walk & talk. Eventually the subject will likely come up and baby may start asking questions - that's when you know it's time to start giving honest, plain answers.
3) Is it really any of Mom's business? If so, be honest and make it clear the Daddy is the Daddy, even if someone else gave you the seed.
4) There are options, don't run with the first thing that comes your way. Shop around for other plans.

Best of luck to you & yours :-)

Answer 10

Artificial insemination is there for people like you. I think if your partner is willing to do something like this, I don't think he will feel disconnected from the child. You have to think he will be there for you and the child from the begining. Millions of people adopt children and love them like they are there own. (different situation but same type of feeling for a child) And about your mom we all love are moms to death but this is yours and your husbands decesion, not hers. If you guys can't get pregnant on your own who's to stop you from getting a baby by artificial inemination. (only you two) She might not agree to it at first but as soon as she saw the first ultrasound picture and heard the heartbeat and held the baby for the first time she will also love this child unconditionaly.