Why wont he let me go?

Question

My husband and i seperated almost three years ago it was his choice not mine... I love him and and probably always will but i'm not in love with him.
every time i attempt to move on he rings me and says
"you know we should give it another go"
i decided to give it a go as he holds all the cards. but when i do this he does the whole, maybe it wont work.We have no kids but he was my high school sweetheart. i have since got engaged and he came between that with his feel sorry for me attitude.. now i live with another guy and have a new life..
i need to get a divorce and don't want to tred on his toes incase it gets messy plus half the house is mine
HELP!!!!

Nothing except friends we had 12 years together i think we at least owe each other that

Answer 1

You need to go ahead and file for divorce you have been apart more than 6 months with nothing between you but the house. That will be put up for sale. In some states if you moved out of the house and stopped making the house payments it is considered abandonment and you may get nothing from the sale, if he is required to sell it at all. He will let go when he realizes you are serious about your new life and it sounds like you defiantly are. Good luck to you and may the time pass quickly for you so you can be free to love the one you want in peace!

Answer 2

Dont wait for him as all the time in the world wont help him. Youve obviously have already moved on so file and move on. You dont say whether you live in the house or he does, but the court could order the house sold and the profit split equally or give the opportunity to buy out the others interest. Youre lucky there are no children as this is when it could get messy. Youve given him more than enough chances with no good results so time has come to move on or youll lose everything. Good luck

Answer 3

There's no need to play along because you are not IN love with him. He's very insecure. Your husband seems to constantly test your devotion to help ease his mind. He plays off your history together, puts you in a situation where you subconciously choose between your current partner or him. Since you're with someone else, you chose your husband. I'm not saying you directly and willingly said, "I choose you, husband, over my current partner." It was probably your actions.

Being separated, there's still a connection. Filing for divorce is a big step, but you deserve better and more. The first steps are difficult, but in time, you'll look back and feel proud of your accomplishment.

The house: sell it and take half. If he wants it, let him buy out your half. More money for you.

FILE THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS.

Answer 4

Seems to me that the one luxury you have here, is the luxury of hindsight predicting history...(thanks Dr Phil). He says that the best predictor of future behaviour, is past behaviour.

And....

You've already told us that what he has always done in the past, is wait until you are happy, stable and committed elsewhere, before he moves in with his spiel about "giving it another go"...

Pretend for a moment that you had to justify yourself to all of us. (you don't of course, just and exercise). How would you convince us that this is not exactly what he will do the next time he sweet-talks you into giving him another chance.

So based on the assumption that he has received no psychological assistance, it seems safe to assume that he will follow the same pattern of emotional manipulation as he has in the past.

The best thing for you to do would be to keep focus on the things that are good in your life now, and when tempted by this person, think only of what will come once you surrender your feelings.

Remember they did a whole episode of friends about one person in any relationship having the upper hand?

Well at the moment, that's you. And I'm sorry to say that unfortunately the only time this man is interested in you, is when there is a feeling that you are lost to him to another man.

Stay lost to him. You have history, but no future...

Answer 5

Take a look at your future. This could go on and on for years. Is that what you want? You have been separated this long - it isn't going to work for the two of you. Start moving forward in your life. First thing is to get the divorce. Don't listen to him. If you lose the house, big deal!! Lots of people have started over after losing their house and have done fine. (I'm one of them) The important thing is to take a step forward - not backward.

Answer 6

You owe him nothing. Get on with your life..this guy just wants to keep you hanging on for no reason other than his ego...childish sh*t. Grow up, get away from the jerk. AND you get 1/2 the house anyway. It must be sold and any profit split. What is the worry here? You are being manipulated and you are allowing it. You better take some action before you new guy finds out what is going on.

Answer 7

People use all kinds of things and ways to control other people. Children, pets and possessions. You have given this guy the benefit of the doubt and plenty of chances. He may feel he's losing his power over you. That will make him try anything to regain that control. Focus on yourself and your happiness. Let the courts see what a pissy pants he's been when it comes to the divorce. He'll just make himself look bad. He hasn't the power over you unless you let him.

Answer 8

Get your divorce and move on. Men don't like to let go of anything. You don't need to put up with it any longer, three years is enough. Good luck.

Answer 9

You need to close that chapter in your life and move on. The house, money, whatever is not worth it to stay stuck in that situation.

Answer 10

if you're living with another man it's time for you to get a devorce.it time for both of you to move on and have separate lives.