Why would someone who loves you suggest you get an abortion??

Question

I am in a relationship with a man who I love. He also loves me, but I am now pregnant and this wasn't planned. We aren't married and I personally wasn't planning on getting married let alone pregnant for quite some time. When I told him he immediately told me we would be getting an abortion as it is his opinion that neither of us are ready. After a few weeks of this pregnancy idea floating around he told me he'd be supportive no matter what I decided. But it's clear he's unready to be a father. My question is why would he suggest this? And if I did go through with an abortion wouldn't I always resent him?

I'm pro-choice, but I'm not really okay with the idea of killing my own child. I don't think I'd cope well with it. My body is already going through some major changes and I'm starting to get attached. I don't think I'm ready for this, but I know I wouldn't be a bad mother. I just don't understand how someone so sweet (my boyfriend) could turn into a less than understanding partner so easily.

Oh even though it's not ideal and we weren't and still aren't ready. The kid would be well cared for provided he (the father) actually decides to stick around-if we did have it. We are both educated and have good white collar jobs. This could also be part of the concern. The company he works for has plans for him to become an exec and a kid at this age probably doesn't fit in the plan.

Answer 1

The fear of responsibility not chosen. Other things will have to be set aside that he doesn't want to. Changing in ways we don't want is often good for us if it makes us more caring individuals. If you can, speak to both your parents about it, maybe they can help. Speak with other parents, a nurse, or doctor you respect if you can't, for any reason, speak with your own parents.

Most people who are already parents still aren't prepared for it... No one feels prepared for all the possibilities that eventually happen with our lives, but when we try our best to be the person we won't regret, by the end of our life, then we can pass happily out of this world.

It is a hard life to find yourself at the with any great regrets.

"A home without children is like a home without light." -Abdul Baha

You can live without light, but it's easier to know where you truly are with it.

Do not be unchanged... In all things, choose what makes your life greater than it was, especially with relationships.

God bless.

Answer 2

I personally would not have an abortion. Especially, in your shoes if you are already feeling attached if you have an abortion you will regret it for the rest of your life. Wondering what he/she would have looked like. what they would be doing etc. As for him? I would chose a new mate. Keep him in the picture for the baby but I would not marry him just because you are pregnant. That is not fair to you, him or the child. Because there will always be the question in all of your minds, would it have happened if I did not get pregnant? I would wait until the baby is born and about 3 months old. And then if you and your partner want to get married, that way there is not any questions of him being trapped or not wanting to be there. And it will give you time and through the stress of pregnancy and giving birth, the early days of a newborn sleepless nights if he is the mate/father that you really want forever. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I found myself in this exact situation just a couple of months ago. We are both highly educated, and we have a great relationship. We are both in our late twenties. I found out I was pregnant and it was a complete surprise. I was excited and wanted to keep the baby; my body was changing, i felt tired, my nipples hurt - i really felt pregnant, and it was very real to me. My partner on the other hand, had a blue line on a stick to look at. That was what being an expectant father felt like to him - the same as he always felt, but with a blue line. Here is the difficulty; you are experiencing very real sensations, and he is experiencing something like a minor hiccup in his overall life plan. It is very very hard for him to understand how it feels for you. His suggestion doesn't mean he doesn't love you. As time is going on, he's accepting it as more than a minor hiccup and he's probably thinking about it more from your point of view. You must make your own decision. I had an abortion, and although it was hard while I was all hormonal, I'm back to normal now. Just so you know, very few people ever feel 'ready' to be a parent, but the majority of people do cope. Good luck.

Answer 4

I just want to say that if he loved you he wouldn't say that that is horrible. I can understand not being ready for a child yet but then you both should be using protection. Both of my babys were born very permature. one at 1 lb. 12 oz and the other at 2lbs. 6oz. My son was born at 25 weeks and my daughter at 26 weeks. Even though my kids were that early they were almost fully developed. arms, legs, finger, little toes. I would strongly suggest adoption before abortion. That is a human life inside of you and they are truly miricals. It is your creation. How would you feel about yourself if you had the abortion and on every birthday you would think I wonder what my baby would look like and all of the other things you get to look forward to. I am not judging or anything rude like that all I am trying to say is you have a life inside of you and it is the most amazing thing that will ever happen to you. PLEASE make the right choice. Trust me you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you go through with it. At least if you give it up for adoption your giving your child a chance in life. Just remember you created it and you could have prevented it. If you were not ready then you should be on birthcontrol or something to have pevented it.

Answer 5

Whoa...you must have known this was going to be a hot button topic...
That one woman is right saying YOU are the one feeling the changes in your body--for him, it's all just an intangible "idea" at this point. I must say 2 things--if you decide to terminate, do it soon...your attachment will only increase as time goes on. The 2nd thing is, having a baby is not easy. I am married w/ an 8 1/2 mo old son and I must say, as "ready" and as stable as we were, it throws your whole world upside down and I found that my husband was not as helpful as I expected him to be--he just didn't know what to do to help soothe our crying son, and obviously couldn't nurse all through the night, so it all fell on me and it was very tough. As my son has gotten bigger, my husband is bonding w/ him more, but even under the "best" circumstances, having a baby is CHALLENGING. You are faced w/ a tough decision: you feel you might resent him if you end the pregnancy, but he might resent you and the child if you decide to continue. At this point, you need to really look at the support services you have in addition to him if you decide to keep it, in case he is not there (literally or emotionally.) You also need to REALLY look at your relationship w/ him and decide if YOU are ready to be a mother and if you see this man as a loving, available father. But trust that whatever decision you make is the right one--don't feel guilty, ashamed, uncertain or resentful. Make a decision and stick w/ it no matter what...embrace it, believe in it, and continue living your life with love and positive energy. Hope all of our advice helps...good luck!

Answer 6

Whether a kid fits into his job or not you should have thought about that before you had sex. if you are not ready to have a baby then you should use a form of birth control. I would keep the baby maybe he will change his mind about the baby after he sees it. If you decide that a baby is not for you then maybe put him up for adoption. You could also talk with family members about adopting your child. Give your child a chance to live the baby didn't ask to be born. You don't solve problems by just getting rid of them by killing them. Give someone that can't have children a chance by letting them adopt. i have two wonderful children and don't know what I would do with out them Talk to your doctor maybe they can help you. Please give your baby a chance to live. You will always remember the baby even if you have an abortion, what do you tell your children later when you decide to have children?

Answer 7

getting an abortion is so selfish in my opinion. but you have the choice to do whatever you please. i dont think you want to kill your own child do you? i think that you will resent him if you get an abortion. men do not know how it feels to have a baby inside of them. he cannot see what is coming so it might not matter too much right now. but i can promise you that if you keep this baby you will be so happy that you did!! babies are a special gift from God, you NEVER want to throw away what God had especially for you. When he said that yall were not ready then yall should have protected your selves, now you have a baby in the middle of this. the baby deserves life, not death. if you dont want the baby, give it to someone that does. If you guys are not married, there is no good chance that yall will still be together, so if you decide not to be together anymore and you do kill the baby, you will feel stupid. This is only in my opinion. I am not trying to be hard on you.
Life is serious. I hope everything works out with you guys, and yall can decide on something that will be good. Pray about it.
God Bless!!!

Answer 8

I was in the same situation. I told my ex-boyfriend that I was pregnant. He suggested that I either get an abortion or if I kept the baby I would have to move out the apt we were sharing. I decided to keep the baby. Now he talks about giving him another chance. I think it is wrong for someone to suggest an abortion b/c they're not ready. I moved out and now live w/family. I am happy. I am having a boy in December 2006. So follow your heart, most guys are nervous when they find out that their girlfriend/wife are pregnant especially when it is not planned. Hope this helps..

Answer 9

You would absolutely resent your boyfriend if you aborted your child. Studies have shown that most relationships break up after abortion, and resentment is probably a big part of that. Look, ready or not, your boyfriend IS a father and you ARE a mother. Yes, this is unexpected, but you will cope. That is what families do. The circumstances of your life are not your baby's fault, and he or she does not deserve to die. Your boyfriend may come around, or he may not. Either way, it's better that you find out his true character now rather than later.

As you probably know, your baby's heart started beating at just 3 weeks. Take a look at these amazing picts of early prenatal development:

http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3847319.stm
http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

You might also want to take a look at:

Photos of Abortions, Including 1st Trimester Abortions:
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

A Four-Minute Video on Abortion:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html

Information on All Aspects of Abortion:
http://Abort73.com

Pain Perception in the Unborn:
http://www.advocatesfortheinnocent.com/fetalpain.html

Abortion Stories:
http://abortiontv.com/Words/truestoriesfrom-mothers.htm
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-G-2-testimony.html

Abortion Risks:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp
http://www.standupgirl.com/site/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=218&Itemid=40

Abortion Deaths:
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.lifeissues.org/ru486/deaths.htm
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html

Support for Pregnant College and Career Women:
http://www.nurturingnetwork.org

Listen to your heart. Protect yourself and your baby, and give your boyfriend a chance to prove what kind of man he really is.

Answer 10

It's really up to you, if you do it because he wants to, you will resent him. Maybe he isn't ready and this is the easy way out. I got pregnant at 18 and I wasn't ready but I now have a beautiful 2 year old. When I first told his parents his dad told me it wasn't too late for an abortion and I hate him for that. But to make a long story short my ex turned out to be a loser (never sees her or supports her and he was really excited when I told him I was pregnant) but I don't have any regrets on having her. It's tough being a single mom, but I love her to death. She is definitely worth it. Maybe he is just scared, it doesn't mean he won't be a good dad in the end if you do keep it.