Why can't I get aroused?

Question

I have always been in good relationships with men. I am very much in love with my boyfriend, but it has been a very long time since I felt horny for him or any man. I don't enjoy sex that much. I don't even masturbate that much anymore. I don't fantasize about anyone. I can't get myself wet. My boyfreind trys stimulating my clit but its an uncomfortable, unpleasent feeling. What is wrong with me?

Answer 1

You need to get help for Sexual Arousal Disorder.

You should probably see a medical doctor first to rule out any physical problems such as endometriosis, an under-active thyroid gland (hypothyroidism), diabetes mellitus, multiple sclerosis, and muscular dystrophy.

Then you should see a counselor. There are many psychologists who specialize in problems of this nature. They will probably have you do exercises for "sensate focus." This is a way of caressing that helps you to focus on sensations.

If you have had this problem since puberty, you may not know how your genital organs (particularly the clitoris) function or what arousal techniques are effective. The lack of knowledge leads to anxiety, which worsens the problem. Many women who have sexual arousal disorder associate sex with sinfulness and sexual pleasure with guilt. Fear of intimacy and a negative self-image may also contribute.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It sounds like your problem is more physiologically rooted than psychological. You admit you like men, love your boyfriend and have enjoyed sex in the past.

The next questions to ask yourself are:
1) Are you under a lot more stress than usual? Stress can force your body to shut down the "sexual" feelings. In a basic way your body knows it is not the time to make babies.
2) Are you on any medications that have side effects on libido? Even some birthcontrol pills can have that effect. Consult your OBGYN for a different brand to see if it makes a difference.
3) Three things you need to focus on next, Diet, Rest, Exercise! Are you living in a way that allows you to take good care of all three. Sleep deprivation (less than 7 hours) can take it's toll on your sex drive. So can a lousy diet and no exercise.

Start with those items. If nothing improves in two weeks it is time to talk to your OBGYN. You may have a low-level illness or not enough testosterone. (Yes even women have it in very low levels.)

Good luck.

Answer 4

There could be so many reasons. Are you on any medication that might be stunting your sex drive?? This is common with SSRI's, for example. Do you have menstrual problems?? Hormonal imbalances could cause this.

Maybe the problem is more of a psychological one. Maybe there is something in your past about men that has affected your drive?? Maybe you aren't comfortable with your body?? Maybe you love your boyfriend but aren't sexually compatible??

I wish I knew the answer. I feel like that with my boyfriend sometimes too. The answer for me is that, well, we're just not that serious with one another. We're playful and show that we care about each other through action, for sure, but we just don't "fold" into sex easily and have also never really been passionate with one another.

I think we're both afraid that if we verbally express passion and become that vulnerable, the other might misinterpret it as something playful. So, if one of us puts ourselves out there in "raw form", the other will just feel humiliated if the response we're looking for isn't received. I don't know, but I think this is affecting our sex life. And, I feel like I don't want any other man, but I don't want him sexually very often either.

I look forward to reading other answers to your question.

Answer 5

If you are on any meds, you should definitely discuss this issue with a doc, but you may want to go to a doctor anyway. This sounds like an issue that wont just go away or get better by itself. If you were abused as a youngster, what you are experiencing is pretty normal, that is to say, common, but not very healthy.

Remember that arousal can really get started in your mind. Don't be afraid to try something new, like a vibrator, if you haven't already. Maybe you need to re-learn what it is that turns you on.... Good luck.

Answer 6

The first thing that comes to my mind is depression or severe stress,that certainly can affect your libido.Certain medications,particularly BP lowering ones can also.A hormonal imbalance,like one experienced at menopause can also cause loss of libido.What kind of birth control are you on and have you changed contraceptives lately.You need first of all an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any reproductive problems and a complete physical with your regular doctor to rule out other physical ailments or depression.

Answer 7

You have GOT to give more information for better answers. What all meds are you on?

Oral contraceptives did the exact same thing to me. There are a host of medical, pharmacologic, or psychologic reasons for this, but if I had to bet with this little information, I would bet on pharmacologic alteration of the normal response.

That, or you just don't like him in "that" way.

Answer 8

Here are a bunch of links that might help. Yes, I agree that frequent causes are hormonal birth control, depression, and anti-depressants. There are others including low thyroid, heavy alcohol use, and the approach of menopause.

Answer 9

I feel the same way... werid

Answer 10

too many possibilities. see the Dr (woman please)