so i finally see that my approach to give my man an ultimatum to get more envolved in the wedding is working. the expense is a feel like crap! however, since my expectations are low, and think that it actually won't be planned in time, it is a relief too. this way, i can stop my controlling pattern, take a step back, and make him realize how stressful it is to plan everything yourself. do you think this is manipulating? it's just that i tried talking to him and he just didn;'t get it. i can wait another year, i think that's a better alternative than getting all flustered up about planning a big event myself! the ideal thing would be to do it together, but i don;t see that happening until he understands it is impossible to do it myself!
2006-08-27 09:39:11 · 6 answers · asked by ingrid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You my dear are enlightened. Manipulation is part of life. All debate ends with manipulation if some one is swayed to your way of thinking.
2006-08-27 09:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men don't get it because the big wedding is for us, not them. A male friend of mine said he could've cared less. The entire wedding was for her; all he cared about was the end result, the "I do's" in front of the minister. I know you're stressed, it's a huge job, but ultimatums and manipulations aren' the way to go. He'll get tired of them sooner or later and it will only drive a needless wedge between you. But he doesn't know what to do, what you want, because most of this is FOR you, so chances are good he just doesn't know what to do. Girls are better at this sort of thing. Like one man said, this is the woman's thing. Instead, give him specific jobs to do and ask him nicely to do them. Like booking the flowers or the caterers or have him stuff the envelopes for the invitations, and other things like that. Give him things he can do instead of simply saying "here, do this!" It's like telling a small child to go clean his room; it doesn't work. You have to tell him exactly what to do. Pick the toys off the floor and put them into the toybox. they're not stupid, they just don't know.
Good luck. And remember, all that matters is the end result--you're marrying this man because you love him. Everything else is small potatoes.
2006-08-27 09:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Manipulative" is one of those words used to control us. It's meaningless, but he might throw it at you.
I think you're setting a boundary, which is healthy. Delaying your wedding 'til he's willing to be an equal partner is an extremely good idea. It's something that will be a huge issue for the rest of your lives together. What if you had a baby and then had to give him an ultimatum to step up to the plate and be a decent father?
You're doing the right thing. Keep in mind your long-term plans and values. Good going!
2006-08-27 09:46:31 · answer #3 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i guess he should help you for the wedding plans coz it's for both of you not just you who's gonna get married.if he's not helping you that means he's irresonsible guy.how much more when you're together you think he could help you?if he can't help you in your wedding how much more for the near future
2006-08-27 09:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get your mom or mom-in-law-to-be to help you. Your guy will be miserable and resentful if you force him to help with wedding stuff. It's such a chick scene.
2006-08-27 09:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him now~
2006-08-27 09:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋