what advice would you give to a woman has been married 17 years and now is going to be single with 2 adult kid

Question

I am 41 years of age and never been single since the age of 14
I have two children and a grandchild living at home with me, i'm also in a place where i have no biological family at all because i came to this state with my husband of 17 years and now we are about to get a divorce. My children are 17 and 20 and my grandchild is 2

Answer 1

Take care of yourself and the kids and DON"T get serious with another guy to fast.

Answer 2

First of all change your point of view. This is going to happen, make the best of it and try to stay as positive as you can. I just divorced my husband of 31 years and I'm 53. I'm overjoyed at the prospect that the rest of my life can be anything I want it to be. My time is now my own and I am beholden to nobody. Take care of yourself. Make changes to lift your spirit. Change your hairstyle or the color. Go to a gym and workout. Get in shape, start feeling good about yourself and begin to meet new people.

If you want to move, make a long term plan for it and make it a goal that you work on every month. If it requires saving money, then do so every month, even if it's just a little. Get a job if you don't work or if you do, find a possible part time one to save up for your goal.

You're 20 year old is an adult. That adult either needs to contribute to the program or move out. Your parent's didn't support you at 20. Make sure your 17 year old has goals. Goals that lead to an independent life and self support.

Do not feel sorry for yourself. It's a waste of precious time and doesn't change or solve a thing. Keep being positive. It works, trust me. Get out there and date some new men. You'd be surprised how many are honestly looking for a good woman to settle down with...if that's what you want.

Answer 3

All you are guilty of is being very ignorant....both to how people will trick you in relationships and using birth control. When a 35 year old man approaches you (a 20 year old), you should assume he has some baggage. Apparently you grew up in a very naive and innocent world, and for that I pity you. Perhaps you were a victim but others outside your town may not see it this way...as well as having a child out of wedlock with someone you know for a few months. I'd suggest refraining from the religious preaching, because it will not help you in life. If you grew up in a religious town you probably knew what people's expectations would be, and blaming those you ask for "advice" will not help matters. If you are being bullied, turn off the computer and walk away.

Answer 4

I am 45 and divorced. But my situation is a little different as I have a grandchild that I have custody of to raise.

But my advise to you would be to go out and get a job (even if you are financially stable) that is the best way to occupy your time, to find new friends, and to make yourself feel useful.
Go out and do things that you could never do while you were married, go places you never got to go.
You are going to have to learn a whole new way of life and it is not an easy task.
Find ways not to stay in the house all the time otherwise you just get depressed.
And above all else......DO NOT rush into another relationship. Take time to learn who you are now. Take things slow and easy. The dating scene is NOTHING like it use to be.
And do not get messed up with dating on line, that is a joke and things go no where, and it is to dangerous.


You say you have no biological family at all but yet in the same breath say you have 2 children and a grandchild living with you? Am I missing something?

Hope this helps.

I just keep myself occupied with my grandchild. She is in 1st grade and I do things with her, volunteer at her school, and things like that.

Answer 5

Been there, and yes at first it is scary, the first week any ways! Think of it as a new beginning and get out there and meet people, hang out with your friends and try some of those things you never had time to do before! This is YOUR time, enjoy it. Enjoy your new found freedom, take advantage of every minute! You may not have any biological family near by, but you have the great opportunity to "Build" your own family, and how great is that! Have fun building and discovering!

Answer 6

J Somethingorother really knows what she's talking about. I'm 41 years old and got divorced last January after being married for 15 years (together for 17). I have a nearly 10 year old daughter who lives with me exclusively. After splitting up with my ex, I dated, dated, dated. I was sick of being alone (our marriage had been lousy for years!). I dated some real jerks, believe me and at times, I wondered how I'd make it through. But eventually, I met a really wonderful man who has been fantastic to me and my daughter. HE is my soul mate and HE is the one I wish I'd known sooner so that we could have spent our lives together. As I grew older, I came to understand that my first husband and I were never right for each other, but I thought that it was just as good as it got...no relationship is perfect you know. As it turns out, there WERE better options for me. You may find that the "door shut, but the window flew open" when all is said and done. Best of luck...there are lots of us out there!

Answer 7

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt! The best thing to do is make a life for yourself. There must be some things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because either your husband didn't want you to or it would take time from him or your family. Do them now. Whatever they are. Don't be in a big rush to find another man right away. Yes, you will get lonely but you will also learn how to keep yourself company & how to be your own best friend. Wear clothes or colors your husband didn't like just to see if you do. Cook things he didn't like (but you do). Just try all the things you've always wanted to try. Do not expect your children to include you in everything they do. They have their own lives. Do include them in some things or at least invite them to join you. Don't be hurt/mad if they decline. You will get through this just fine. Good luck & best wishes to you.

Answer 8

You can stay there and move on, or go back home to where you are from and start over. Basically start over he wasn't the one and you special someopne is out there waiting for you.

Answer 9

get another man before you reach 50

Answer 10

If you still look great.... call me and we can date.