Each line spells something
"Wishes"
Intimate moments across time
Lovers whispering "you'll be mine"
Over and over the words creep by
Viscous is the lie
Embodied souls drenched in flame
Heroic villains do the same
Encompass the heart and mind
Remembering when they were kind
2006-08-27 07:51:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Hmmm no offence but just a truthful account of what I feel about this "poem". There are a couple of "forced rhymes" where you invert the sentence structure so that the line ends on a rhyming word e.g. "Vicious is the lie"?? And personally, I feel that you should punctuate your poem. Punctuation helps you to draw emphasis to key points in the line and string together sentences that work together to create the imagery. At the moment, when I read it, each line just doesn't seem to gel or link with the next. To me, this is not a poem. Just a creative play of words because there is nothing that ties the various images you're trying to describe together. Furthermore, it deals the reader with too many abstract ideas and one goes "huh, what's your point?"
2006-08-27 23:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem is an "acrostic".
As for what is wrong with it, I have no idea, as it seems fine to me.
Poems do not have to rhyme.
There's a small punctuation error, in that there could be a comma before the quoted "you'll be mine", but because poetic license takes over, that should not really be an issue.
2006-08-27 15:15:52 · answer #2 · answered by teffies_mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey bro, lmao.
Why would you call it "Wishes"???
There is also the fact at the end you show that your love is lost and you can only remember it.
Does that mean you love her still, I doubt it!
I don't see how any of that has to do with wishing?
Yo, keep on writing if you wrote this poem.
Defiantly publish worthy, but change the name.
If you want you could,
change drenched to quenched!!
Your drenched in rain, not in fire.
2006-08-27 19:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the I love her thing put in there but I dont think the whole part about embodied souls drenched in flames will make anybody feel very loved.
2006-08-27 15:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by lil_frosty93654 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I LOVE THAT! That is so crafty how it spells out I Love Her,definately poem written by someone who has been in love.
2006-08-27 14:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I LOVE HER. There is nothing wrong besides some of the lines donot rhyme,
but in due time ,
your message does reveal the truth
the way you feel
she is your boo.
2006-08-27 14:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by ashleysoccergoalie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Interesting work! Is it yours?
Try simplywords.us
Wrong? And your point?
2006-08-27 15:01:13 · answer #7 · answered by trumain 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋