Twice cheated, what now?

Question

Im 31 My husband and I split up in April, sold our house. I bought a new house and moved on with the kids. He came back to me last month on a Wed wanting to work it out, try counseling. I started to think if we took it slow maybe it could work. He took our 3 year old camping that very weekend and when the 3 yo came home he told me about Marilyn that had gone camping and slept in the same bed with daddy. Ok, I flipped and he told me it was over with her, it was a mistake. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Fast forward to last weekend where he and I attended the mandatory parenting for divorce with kids class together. After we had lunch and he talked about making it work again, taking it slow, being honest... WELL, told this morning by my 3 yo about Renee who went to his school with daddy and then they went to Renee's house LAST WEEKEND. And he came to my bday yesterday. WHY? I'm TOTALLY devastated. I've already told him I hate him but can I ever trust another?

PS - it isn't about booty - I haven't given in to him since we split!

I'm not trying to figure out how to work it out with him. I hate him for what he's done to me and the kids and told him he BETTER get all his paperwork to the Judge by 9/1,our date! Right now, I just feel like I'll always question everything anyone says and I don't want to live life wondering... and untrusting.

Answer 1

Of course you can trust him. Trust that he will continue to act the same way he's acted right along. Heck, don't blame him, his silly excuses have always worked before. You can't judge all men, by a few idiots.Some guys like women. They like spending time with women.They consider some women their friends. They have jobs, and bathe.

Answer 2

I realize this man is the father of your children. I also realize that you loved him when you married him, and would not find it surprising if you were to say you still do love him.

However, at some point, there must be a resolution to your situation. Either the situation will resolve itself by you and he going to counseling and working things out slowly and in good time or the two of you will split up for good. Based on what I have read in your question, I can not say I believe he has yours or your children's best interests at heart. I believe he is more interested in playing games, and trying to string you along. You have already given him two chances, now he wants three. Giving him a third chance, is not a wise choice for you to make. The best case scenario would be for the two of you to work things out. I don't see this as a real solution for you two. This on again off again nonsense will only serve to totally confuse you and your children. Since he is refusing to be an adult here, you will have to be the adult.

I truly believe what is best, is the two of you to split up, permanently. Allow him visitation with the children, if he can be counted upon to make wise decisions in regards to their safety and well being, but let the line be drawn there. Yes, you can trust other men, but it will take time. Before you start thinking about finding another man, please for you and your children's own sake, take time to heal and put your lives back together. The very best revenge is to live well. You can do this, you are strong enough and smart enough. Good luck to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

Answer 3

I'm pretty sure he's trying to "have his cake and eat it too." He wants you around (and since you said not for the sex) because your his kids father and he knew that you did love him. What he wants is to be able to have sex and mess around with other women but come home to a lovely woman that loves him.
He is a selfish bastard.
You are not in the wrong here! You didn't jump to a divorce, the two of you just split, and now that you tried to get help, tried to make it work with counseling and classes, and nothings changed, now you know that he isn't something you need in your life.
Also, he obviously didn't care about getting caught if he was willing to be with other women while your three year old is around. Children at age of three tell ALL and he should've known that from the first time your three year old told you about Marilyn but yet he continued to have his three year old there during his affair with "Renee" as well.
He apparently didn't care or thought you wouldn't believe your child. You should not give into his "wanting to change" and "work it out" because obviously thats just word of mouth and he is not following up on his words with actions; he is just continuing to mess around with other women.
Now, with trust... it may take you a while to heal from this relationship including taking you a while to trust. But, I am pretty sure if you just allow your heart to have time to mend and realize that he's a dog, not all men, I am sure you will learn to trust again.
If you have troubles with trust still many months later than I would suggest counseling in which a counselor could provide information to help you rebuild the lost trust.

Answer 4

Sweetie, the best thing for you to do, is take your kids and don't look back. And I'm speaking from experience. As long as you stay in that relationship you will be miserable. As long as you stay the more unrespected and under appreciated you will feel. It's hard especially when you have kids. Because you want to stay for the kids, but what about your own piece of mind. In the back of your mind you will forever be questioning his trust. Piece of mind, love, and respect is better then forever wondering and worrying if he is being faithful to you. Sorry, for your pain, but this will pass. He is not the first man you have loved and sweetie he won't be the last. Hope whatever you decide it works out for you.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about this happening to you.

You need to find a good man like me that doesn't believe in cheating on his wife. Actually, I had to get an anullment because I'm Catholic.

My feeling is either get the divorce and move on, or stay married, not a disgusting halve of either crap where you cheat on your soon to be ex-wife.

You deserve an honest man. Good luck, and let's have a coffee some time if you're down in Statesboro

Answer 6

you have a screw loose! Why in the world do you think you need this jerk? He will NOT ever settle down, is feeding you a line of crap, wants to come back to get rid of child support payments...you are just going to have to go through all this again, and, with your history, again, and again. Wise up, woman..you have kids to raise, and the example you two are showing sucks the big one! He must be one sweet talker, or you must be one stupid person to fall for this stuff over and over. You asked the quesiton .... I would have been too embarrassed to put all this stupidity out in public. You are going to do what you want to do, and I have no idea why, but why are you asking here...you already have your mind made up

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear how much of an *** your ex was. He obviously thinks you'll just keep on trusting him and takes advantage of your kindness. It's very sad he can't seem to realize whats he gave up. As far as trusting someone else, you can do it but it'll take alot of work on your behalf and patience from the next guy you decide to be with. Just try to remember not every guy out there is going to hurt you. I hope you find someone that makes you feel as special as everyone around you already knows :-)

Answer 8

DUMP THIS GUY!!

I just walked away from a two year relationship with my fiance and nothing is worth this type of abuse. Why live in the shadow of his cheating forever? Why accept the mistreatment, and emotional abuse? If you dont sever the ties and leave now then you will be FOREVER in the shadow of the doubt of him cheating, always having to wonder.

Truthfully, the issue at hand is respect! This guy doesnt respect you. He is has no respect for you at all and in toying with your emotions. He wants the security and easy way out with you, but isnt willing to change his ways. He doesnt care how much he hurts you because he is willing to risk it all for five minutes of pleasure with some random woman.

My fiance cheated on me. Its not worth it. i began to feel like i deserved it, i let him yell at me all the time, and eventually i realized that it was MY life and I was in control of it. I chose to be happy, which meant respecting myself by leaving him.

I wish you the best of luck. Respect yourself and do whats best for not only you but also your children. They may not realize the gravity of what they have seen now, but one day they will understand, and if you dont teach them what it is to be a responsible female and take control, then they may end up in a relationship one day that isnt fair to them. Show them a good example. Leave him. You can do better and he knows it, thats why he is panicking and trying to cling back to you so much.

He will never change! Trust me!

Answer 9

Trusting another is what you and only you can come to terms with.It is easy to blame every man for the mistakes that one man made.If you take him back you have to understand that you are saying that you are OK with his cheating and you are stupid.Counseling is a waste of time,he will change short term to keep you but will eventually show his true stripes.There are plenty of good men out there ,you deserve one.

Answer 10

Can you ever trust another? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Can you ever trust this sorry excusr for a human being? NEVER!!

He defines everything that a husband and more importantly a father should be. Horrible that he did that to you on more than one occassion but in front of your child--what a complete self-centered jerk!!!!!!!!!! You deserve someone to treat you with respect and I can understand you being hesitant to trust after being with such an idiot, but there are decent people out there and you deserve so much better!