How does one help a loved one realize they are in an extremely unhealthy relationship and should get out?

Question

My little sister's boyfriend is emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to her. She is almost 20 and he will be 18 in a few days. It makes me want to crack his skull, but even I know that that can be counter productive. How do I convince my little sister that she needs to break it off and find someone who will treat her with the respect she deserves? Should I just leave her alone and let her make the decision by herself? Should I contact the local authorities or should I just go over and teach the little punk a lesson?

Answer 1

It seems like you and your sister see things differently.

It's your sister that needs the work ... if you get rid of the little phuck ... she'll probably go out and find another a piece of work just like him. I suggest caning.

Answer 2

Teaching that little punk for putting hands on your little sister isn't a bad idea, but there are other ways to settle this. If he does abuse your little sister she should at time to time wonder what this guy ever do to deserve a girl such as herself. Just talk to her about what her boyfriends put her through. I don't know why girls still stick around after there boyfriend has abused them, personally i would not tollerate it at all. Take her out to lunch and just talk to her about how things are going with her and her boyfriend, try to get all the bad things that has happened in their relationship out of her and then you'll have a much bigger chance of her letting im go other than beating his skull in and making her totally hate your guts even though he had it coming. You also shouldn't contact the authorities she will hate you for that too. You need to spend one on one time with her and let her leave him on her own. don't push and pressure her. Don't raise your voice tal ko her and let her know that this is serious and a girl such as herself deserves someone who will wine an dine her treat her like a lady and so much more. I hope all goes wwell for yoru sister, no girl should haveto go through what shes been put through period.

Answer 3

Speaking as a little sister, don't 'interfere' but help. Does he actually abuse her physically? Does she have bruises and such? If so, don't go 'teaching him a lesson', that will only make matters worse. If he is really abusing her, contact the police and ask them what you should do about it. Talk to your sister, face to face, in private. Make sure her boyfriend isn't anywhere near so that you can have your talk with her without him hearing/interrupting. Tell hewr what you think. She may get mad but tell her thjat you only want to help. Tell her if you are going to / that you called the police. Tell her that you just care for her and that you think she deserves so much better. Be senstitive. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am pretty sure she's aware of that too but she just loves him too much to overlook such abuses.Rationally,it's wrong but your sister is just in love.Don't come in between and attempt to be the hero because then they'll both see you only as an interfering threat to their love which makes you appear all the more uninvited.Your sis is still young and so is her guy sooner or later those sparks will explode leaving them broken and apart for good.Just be that supportive brother whenever you can and if that guy goes too far as really hurting your sister physically,take some pictures and have the culprit reported for a police blotter so they know what proper actions necessary.

You are a caring brother she's lucky to have.Keep it that way and stay updated.(more than that you really can't do since it's her life)

Answer 5

first, you sister is going to have to come to that realization on her own. the best thing you can do is leave books or pamphlets lay around the house that discuss abusive relationships. that way, any advice coming from you will not alienate her from you. but she'll still know that you are making your point about her relationship. i guess it's just a less threatening way coming from you to her - you know? i would hate to see her get angry and refuse to allow you into her life. we love who we love and in the moment we can get a bit blind to what is really going on.

if he ever is abusive in front of you towards her... well, then i would probably be up in his face making it clear that that will not be tolerated while your around. don't hit him. you'll only lower yourself to his standard. besides, bullies are insecure little dweebs and if you get up in his face, he'll more than likely back down.

now if you feel that her life is endangered by his actions. that's a different story. call the authorities. you might need to intercede. and your sister might very well be angry with you for a time.

oh and the best way to remind your sister that she deserves to be treated with respect is to continue doing it yourself. open doors and listen to her... she'll notice the difference between you and her boyfriend. actions speak louder than words.

Answer 6

I hate to say it, but there is nothing you can really do. If you see him hit her, you can call the police. But I'm afraid that talking someone out of a bad relationship it like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Just don't go over and "teach the little punk a lesson". It will only get you in trouble.

Answer 7

I have been in the unfortunate situation that your sister is currently in. I know it is sad but there is nothing you can do to make her leave him. The odds are she knows it is a bad relationship. Just make sure she knows you love her and will always be there for her. If you are ever there wen he hits her call the police. Most states have laws that state if the police come out on a domestic violence call and they see marks on her they have to take him in even if she doesn't want to press chrages. Usually the city will then press charges. Sometimes this gives people the courage to leave. I did for me. Good luck

Answer 8

I know how you feel, our daughter has been in a relationship with a guy for a few years who has totally ruined her life. There have been times when we feel like we just want to hurt him badly. It's not a rational feeling, so don't carry it out.

Some young women like to be with men who are needy or helpless or losers, because it makes them feel better about themselves. They feel like they are doing something to help another person... or they enjoy how the guy looks up to them or needs them in some way. When they form a relationship like that, it is very hard to change their mind.

We are thinking that some day our daughter will just get tired of living such a tough life, and will want to move on to somebody who can support her better. Or perhaps she is right, and she will finish raising this poor guy whose parents did such a poor job.

All we can do... and all you can do.... is to be there for her when she needs you; say the right things without preaching at her. Lead her mentally to understand that she is a valuable human being and should be doing what is best for her so she can do more for others in her strength.

Answer 9

try this: make it clear that while you are only in support of your sister, that you can not sit in the same room as or be in sight of her boyfriend. be good to her and don't alienate her. only express that if she is choosing the relationship, it's her choice to make and that it's hard to watch from the outside, because you love her, and for that reason you can't be around him. let her know that you're thinking of her and that no matter what, when she falls, you'll be there to catch her. that unfortunately is all you can do from the outside. i know it's hard to not give into temptation, but learn from me. my sister worked with me at my job. there was a friend of her's that worked with us and her abusive husband. i tried to let things alone as much as i could, but one day he made the mistake of slapping my sister in front of me. it was just a reaction, i never thought before acting but i kicked the living sh** out of him. though i never regreted it and given the same situation would do it again; i had to leave my job to ease the situation. after that, i was out of the loop and knew that my sister was still there and i couldn't watch over her anymore. but what sticks with me is that it made work all that more difficult on my sister, and by helping i also caused her grief. the last thing on earth i would wish for my sister. get what i'm saying at all? hope it helps.

Answer 10

At 20 y/o I doubt that anything you say will change her mind. She is going to have to figure that out on her own, sorry to say. I have been in the same situation with my daughter, it seemed the more I said bad things about him the more she didnt want to hear anything I had to say. Finally she got the picture and left the asshole. If you do call the cops unless she tells them she is being abused they cant do anything. If you want to beat the crap out of him you can but then you would end up in jail and she would probably take his side even more.

Answer 11

Don't get yourself into trouble because of him. Talk to her and tell her she should date guys her own age. Suggest college classes, she will meet them there. It is hard if she doesn't listen to you about him. But if he is abusing her, you have to interfer.
Would you feel comfortable calling the police next time he abuses her physically. She clearly has alot of self esteem and self worth issues. You need to help her realize she is a good person and deserves to be respected and treated better. Counseling would help her.