Am I in my rights?

Question

What is your opinion of confronting the man that has had an affair with my wife.I would backoff, but I see he still calls her cell phone and my wife tells me its over and has not talked to him but that he has called and left her messages to call him. I am about to divorce my wife over this because there has been so much deciet from their affair that I am still unsure whether to believe her or not. I know who he is, I know he is married and also wonder if I should let his wife know that he and my wife have had quite an affair, it was sexual as well as emotional and had gone on for 4 years. Their affair she said ended when I told her I was filing for divorce and was going for custody and the house. I showed her all the proof I had of her and him and let her know I will expose her for what she is to her family and friends so they will all know the truth about why I am divorcing her. She has been pleading for me to reconsider and swears its over and will never do that to me again.

Answer 1

Alright, let me tell you from someone who has been there. All of this sounds like what I went through with my ex wife. You already know that it is not over, they are still seeing each other. They may have cooled it down for a little while, but it is still going on. Tell his wife, because she needs to know. I tried to force my wife's lover to tell his wife, but he refused, so I told her myself. If you break the news to her family, do it fast because she will try to make up a story that puts her in a better light and makes you look like as big of a heel as possible. Now I will tell you that if the marriage can be saved, then try to do so. You should know now if there is still a chance, but if you do go through with the divorce, buck up, toughen up and hit it hard, and stand tall. When my situation finished, his mother found out, and threatened to disown him, the church he attended stripped him of his offices, and he stayed married, but he moved away from here. 4 years of an affair is 4 years too long. Your wife needs to learn a lesson that she can't get away with it.

Answer 2

I can not stand cheaters, okay with that said. Let her cry her river and leave her no good @$$. Why stay with someone that you will NEVER be able to trust again, and why feel sorry for her, when she had no concern for you while she was screwing around. YES you need to take everything from her and leave her, also go tell the other man's wife, don't tell your wife your going to tell her, just go tell her and your wife will find out, because the other guy keeps calling her. The other guys wife has a right to know and hey she may be hot and needing a shoulder to cry on if you know what i mean. She may be the perfect women for you, you never know, if nothing else ya'll can be friends and be there for each other.

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation and stayed "just for the kids". It is never over when a cheater says it is. If it isn't him, it will be someone else. Also, if it was over, he obviously didn't get the message and she is clearly not telling him that it is over. One time is a mistake but 4 years is too much of a habit.

It is very hard to take the high road in this situation but I recommend that you do not hold this over her head in the divorce. I let everyone know what my wife did and, now that a couple of years have passed, I wish I had kept some of it to myself. I still have to deal with her as the mother of my kids and it is harder to do that now that everyone knows the "dirt".

I found that both men and women blamed me for the divorce, even though she was the one who cheated. The women said she cheated because I was not meeting her emotional needs and the men said she cheated because I wasn't "setting her straight." Those types of attitudes led me to reveal more and moer about what she did, out a sense that I needed to defend myself. However, I finally realized that those people do not have to live with the consequences of my actions.

I could have been very nasty during the divorce, like she was but I think I took the right path (even though I did wander off some times.)

The bottom line is you have to take care of yourself and be able to live with your own actions.

I am much happier now than during the marriage.

Think about this question: Will you be happier with her than without her? If you will be happier with her then go to a good marriage counselor. (You may want to go even if you are getting the divorce)

Good luck.

Answer 4

My opinion on you confronting the other man? It depends on your motivations for doing so. I don't know if you still intend to stay with your wife and work on your marriage but if that's what you're planning on doing then yes, it's necessary to confront the other guy to get him out of your lives.
Ask yourself this though: If it's really over and she supposedly told him so, why does he still keep calling her? Four years is a long time and I'm wondering if it's really over. You need to determine what it is you want to accomplish. If you think this marriage is still worth fighting for, the effort has to come from both you and your wife and she needs to prove that it's over. If you end up divorcing her anyway and her family starts asking questions, then it would be a good time to tell them why. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make.

Answer 5

Trust is the basis of a sound relationship. I personally would never stay with anyone who had cheated no matter how much I loved that person and how badly it hurt. (My husband agrees with me...he says "sh*** divorce her" He also thinks that you should reveal all to the other man's wife.)

I think you should get legal advice on how much info you should let out.

Remember in a divorce anything you may have done will come out too...even if its not as horrendous as what your wife has done...she will have her side too.

Good luck! I hope everything works out well for you and your kids.

Answer 6

Something like this that continues for 4 years is much more than a simple affair. If he's still calling, she's still seeing him. Find a good attorney and sue for divorce.

Answer 7

Dude, would you let someone kick the crap out of you every day for 4 years? Probably not!!! This is what she's doing to you! Get rid of her cheating butt, take custody of the kids and the house and when you're ready - move on with your life!!

And hell ya- I'd be telling everyone what happened - especially the other guy's wife!

Good Luck, Bra!
Aloha!

Answer 8

Get your speedy divorce, take the house and child/children. You know the truth. Get all that you deserve. Leave her with nothing, since that's what she's worth. Let her deal with her family. Let the guy and his wife deal with their screwed up life.
And you make a life for yourself and your child, as quickly as possible. Hold on to your 'evidence' and use it if need be...so that she's not allowed to drag out your divorce!

Answer 9

If you guys can't work thing out, filing for divorce can be a option, but do it with a Clare conscience, don't expose her to ever one like you never loved her once, cause if you do that you will make yourself look bad in the process. Good luck and take care.

Answer 10

Change her cell phone number. If you see that he is calling the new number then you know it is not over. She might be telling you the truth. He just may not give a shi* and Will continue to call her. Have her tell him if he continues to call then you and her will confront his wife. That may make him quit. Good luck.