i cant forget her. she was my best friend, but i loved her, so we argued a lot, because she didn't love me, but even developeded some kind of bad behaviour (like lying). our friendship broke up, 4 months ago. i saw her the last time before 6 months.
and last week i saw her in the club! we didnt even say "hello whats up"... it's bullshit, i just cant "delete" the imagination in my brain, how great it would be, if we were 2gether..
what to do?
sorry for my bad english, i am from germany, but the germans cant give me an answer that i could accept... maybe you guys :)
thank you for you answers^^
2006-08-27 05:37:48 · 8 answers · asked by menschliches.wesen88 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
"make her my girl" is an expression that i know from english songs. i dont know the english of terming for "beeing together with some1" dont know how to express that^^
2006-08-27 09:19:44 · update #1
pandora! some of your thoughts about me just arent right, and some are right, but you couldn't know that (i feel like she owe's me something, because i have done much for her, as we were best friends and she feld very bad, i have done really much for and made her "live" again, and there was a point, she wasnt interested anymore in me but only in my "help the little girl-thing"...).. i know that i cant say, so now you have to love me. i know it, it's absurd, but my feelings are crazy.
well doesnt matter, your points are good! maybe i should really ask her, why she behaved like that, although i feel hurt...
and the others things, well i will see...
THANK YOU VERY MUCH for spending your time, answering me!
2006-08-27 09:26:11 · update #2
First off, no one but YOU is responsible for your feelings. Just because you have feelings for someone, do make the mstake of feeling like they owe you something, or that they owe you return on those feelings. You choose to feel like a martyr and a victim. That is not her fault. You do not have the right to hold that against her.
Your comment "make her your girl" implies that you feel you have the right to own and possess her. Maybe that school of thought is part of your problem. A woman wants to be loved and respected, maintain her own identity and individual characteristics, and be apperciated and accepted as she is. No women want to be "owned," enslaved, or changed to suit a man's needs. Everyone's feelings are legitimate, even if you don't agree or understand them.
You appear to be too needy and narcissistic. You seem to feel that others are responsible for your feelings and that the world should cater to you. This is a huge turnoff to many, and especially to a woman. Learn to start showing more empathy. Accept other people's views and feelings, and appreciate them. Take into consideration that the world does not revolve around you, and that not everyone thinks like you. Your way is not the only way to be.
You can get over this woman once you get past the emotion. The emotion is what holds you back from seeing the wisdom and opportunity she has given you. You can begin this process as such:
1-forgive her. she is who she is, and you are who you are. she cannot be who you want her to be. how would you feel if you were in her shoes?
2-quit blaming her. she is not responsible for your feelings and does not own you anything. take responsibility for yourself. realize that your perception does not equal her intent.
3-get real. she does not think just like you, and you do not have the right to manipulate other people's feelings to suit your own fantasies. no one wants to be trapped into someone else's version of reality, especially one that does not exist for them.
4-take resoponsibility. look at the behaviors and thoughts that may have pushed her away. realize that you see things from your perspective, and she from hers. if you understood why she saw things differently (hint: ASK) then you may begin to understand her behavior. also, if you accepted her feedback on how she perceived the situation, you might realize more about yourself, and how your behavior apprears to otehrs.
5-realize that mistakes do not detract from who you are as a person. you're not bad or evil. just misguided. mistakes are just ways to show you what does not work. resolve to accept that and try something dofferent.
6-look for the opportunity. each obstacle or problem is merely an opportunity to improve something, overcome something, and learn something. admit to what you have to learn, improve, or overcome.
7-thank her. appreciate the opportunities to grow, and the experience you got with her, and the wisdom you have chosen to accept from the experience. do this in person, without attempting to justify your behavior.
8-move on with your life and your newfound wisdom. each person you become involved with in this life, is there to teach you more about yourself. you learn what you need from people, and what you are willing to give. you will eventually meet someone who fits you well, but never settle for one who doesn't. someone will always be hurt if they are forced to fit into someone else's "mold" for them.
9-improve your life. you will get a big self esteem boost by mastering a skill, craft, or talent. it also makes you more interesting. finishing projects also helps, because you can see a result, or a finished project. you focus on yourself in a healthy way, by shhowing yourself what you are capable of.
10-raise your standards, not your expectations. command others to respect you and your feelings, but do not expect them to be responsible for them. accept people for who they are, but do not expect them to change to suit you.
I hope that this helps you sort things out. Remember, whether you think you can live without her or not, you will be right. You have so much more control than you think. You are just looking in the wrong place. Look within. You have control over yourself, not the situation. And that is all you need. You can get back at her by not letting this destroy you. You can get back at her by improving your life without her. Make your life better off without her in it that when she was in it. It will give you satisfaction and closure.
Take Care!
2006-08-27 09:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What I usually find when people are in your situation is what they are doing is seeing the person they can't forget as someone who they wish they were and not who they really are.
I would suggest to journal your memories of her for the purpose of some type of closure/letting go ceremony. Make the choice to let it go, like a bird out of a window. Take those journal entries and tell them goodbye. A variety of techniques can be used ,burning them in a fire place, etc.
Make a firm commitment to your future, tell yourself daily that you are lovable and deserve love.
2006-08-27 13:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by ms_books3736 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think you can really ever delete her, but she can be a distant memory. Get involved in a cause, or exercise, stay busy. It might take a while, but she could be a thing of the past.
2006-08-27 13:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing, heartbreak is horrible but it sounds like your continuing love for her is one-sided so I think you have to accept that it is pretty much over. There are lots of girls though so you have to try your best to move on.
2006-08-27 12:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You MUST forget her. Put EVERY thought of her OUT OF YOUR MIND. Otherwise, you'll just be miserable. Don't waste time with her.
The same thing happened to me, and I wasted YEARS being angry and hurt. Don't let that happen to you.
Love, Jack.
2006-08-27 12:57:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send her a card that just says that you miss her. Keep it as just friends until you can see that she also has feeling for you. Good luck!
2006-08-27 12:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by ginaforu5448 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have her phone # if you do call her and tell her you want to be friends again! ( im from europe to! Italy)
2006-08-27 12:41:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
find another one and if it dont work out get a hobby
2006-08-27 12:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋