Sould I stay in the relationship and stick out not getting attention or should I leave, Girls please help me?

Question

We r married 11 years & we have 3 great kids. 2 31/2 yr olds r 6 year old girl has problems (with depression & we were both at each others throats & then she got pregnant with twins. Had sex 3 times that year & we were cut off in the middle of the last time we had sex. She gt pregnant & I made the mistake of saying r you sure it was mine because I have been cheated on in other relationships. I changed my attitude but she put up a wall toward me & ever since, has told me that she cannot trust me. That was 4 years ago , I have never cheated & I love her & my twin boys so much. She refuses theropy. She doen't give me any attention I feel unwanted. She says she wouldn't blame me if I'v cheated on her? We hve sex but she never starts it.I buy her flowers,etc
She says shes not sure if things will ever change. Should I stick it out or find another relationship. What should I do. She heped me raise my 16 year old daughter from 1st mariage also & she says she feels guilty when I do nice thin

Answer 1

This reminds me of my last relationship. I'm a female so I know how she feels. So here it goes. That wall of hatred that she built for you is not going to go down. Everytime she sees you she will remember what you said and therefore feel disgusted (not sexually but emotionally) and will not want to be near you. For some strange reason however she doesn't want to leave you, yet. If someone else crosses her path she might go for him not necessarily for sex but more like a real close friend (like how i'm sure you were when you first met) and then decide to break up with you when she is reminded that there are guys out there who will find her intriguing. Now its not that she doesn't care because strangely enough she does (which is why she sticks around). I know (and she knows) that you didn't mean what you said but what is said is done. That "Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me"--that's bs! They hurt more than actions sometimes. She won't start sex because she will feels as if she doesn't know where you have been in order for you to change your feelings towards her. She's confused and please try not to bring it up all of a sudden as it will start affecting her more (i started becoming really sick). Buying her flowers, taking her out those things will help her relieve her pain a little but it will eventually come up again and hurt her. So they are basically useless.

What do I wish my husband would've tried to do? I was married for 6 yrs. My husband did a similliar thing like that after only 2 yrs. We have 3 children ages 5, 3, and 1. He loves our children. He says he never cheated & i believe him but it is as if something just doesn't let me comprehend. I never wanted therapy because- why should i go to therapy i didn't do ****. Maybe if he would've started therapy i might of decided to join him for a couple of sessions. I've thought about this question over and over- what would have saved our relationship? I really don't think there is anything he could've done because so much time had passed. Maybe if he would've realized it early on we'd still be together.

Sorry for my answer I hope your relationship is stronger than mine was but if you decide that she isn't going to change seperate as it will start affecting her tremendously. It probably already is.

Answer 2

I think she is giving you the OK to walk out.. She must be suffering from some sort of depression herself.
And I am uncertain of what you should do... Leaving is a difficult thing to do but if she is refusing any help that does not leave very much other alternatives.
You need to do a lot of soul searching and remember that while you and her are battling this the children have to suffer from it...
If I understand correctly the 6 year old is depressed, get help for your self if she is un willing. These kids need this from you.
The 6 year old is what is my concern... Are your problems with your wife at the center of this child's problems? PLEASE seek professional help to resolve this even if it means separation of you and your wife. ~ Best wishes ~

Answer 3

She needs some help. And I dont mean that sarcastically. She needs a break. 11 years - 4 children. You MAY not be getting attention. She definitely is not getting any either.......FOR herself.
When is HER time..........For a professional massage, hairstyle, facial, manicure, pedicure. Do ya think she'd be interested?
If so, give her a breather to do something for herself.....to enable her to feel like a WOMAN/person again...
Which she was, BEFORE she became a wife and mother.

Answer 4

Sorry but I'm afraid it's time to move on. For one reason or another she has cut off her feelings for you. It hasn't improved in 4 years so don't think that it ever will. Move on to someone new. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Shes giving you the green light to get some on the side, so find a mistress and your home life will be a lot happier.

Answer 6

the foundation to every good relationship is trust and communication.

if you dont have those, then you dont have a relationship.

talk things over with your wife and see where you stand after a long heart to heart.

Answer 7

Think forward 10 yrs from now.......will you regret staying?