Please help, i'm so upset, what should i do?

Question

My parents are argueing downstairs and while i was down there my mum started throwing plates against the wall. She went upstairs and i comforted her, but she said she's upset because my dad never talks to her and he ignores her. So she went downstairs a moment ago and started cleaning up, now i can hear my dad shouting. My dad cheated on my mum a couple of years ago and things have been going downhill since. He said he's going to leave her as soon as possible. They've been married for 25 years, i'm so upset, can i do anything apart from encourage them to talk? They argue a lot but never ever has my dad said he's going to leave her especially in front of me, he says he can't stand her anymore. I don't know what to do. please help me.

Answer 1

dont worry sweetie, everybody argues and everybody has issues. you must try not to become too involved with theirs. If he leaves then you will get through things and who knows.. it might even get better. something tells me that this is a decision that will nnot be made hastily after 25 years! try not to worry too much and help your mum remember how fun life can be!!! have a day out just you and her? start thinking of things to suggest. itl pass the time and cheer you up a bit xx

Answer 2

There is very little that you can do. If you can, when they are arguing, you may make a big point of leaving. They have lost the love they once had and it will not come back. But they are not thinking of you so it is clear it is pretty bad.

If it gets to a point where one or the other is hurt you must do something. Call the police. Just their presence may make your parents wake up. More than likely not but you never know.

Right now they are so wrapped up in their pain they see nothing else. When I say pain it is for the loss of the love they once had. Now it seems that love has been replaced with hate.

I know it is very hard on you to see this. The two most important people on earth fighting. Be there for your mother. About all you can do. As their daughter they will not hear much advice from you but try to talk them into counseling. Try very hard to do this and it may all get better.

Answer 3

Honey, there is nothing that you can do. This is their fight, and I am so very sorry you are caught in the middle of it. You do understand if they get divorced it's the end of the world. Just means you put a lot of miles on a suitcase. Moms and Dads fall out of love, or they grow so far apart till they can't seem to make each other happy. So, the best thing to do is seperate.

You are the daughter, not a marriage counsler, you shouldn't even try to be. Just give your Mom and Dad a hug and tell them that you love them, and you will stand beside both of them, If worse comes to worse, tell them you all need to go to counseling because their arguing is driving you insane. You are having to deal with something no parents wants to put their kids through, but we do make mistakes and we have our own faults.

Your Mother has been a wife and mother for 25 years, she's compeltely at loss what to do. She knows what she needs to do, but is scare to do it. Give her a hug, and tell her you love her. Tell your Dad too! Sweetie, I am so very sorry, and I wish I could give you a hug right now. Your parents are very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter, remind them of it too...every chance you get!

God bless us all...............

Answer 4

First of all your parents need to be the adults and stop that fighting in front of you. As hurtful as it sounds sweetie sometimes people need to separate to keep the peace. Obviously your mom hasn't gotten over your dad's affair and she has a right to be angry with him. When you talk to your mom, tell her it upsets you to see them fighting and maybe they an find a way to talk to each other without all the yelling and name calling. Their relationship doesn't sound too healthy for any of you. Is there anyone you can call that you can talk to? Or maybe a friend or relative can let you sit at their house while your folks figure out what to do. I'm so sorry that you're in the middle of this. I hope that your parents will do what's best for you and learn to control their anger towards each other. You're not alone. I'm sure there's plenty of us here who have been where you are. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 5

I feel so bad for you. They say their staying together for you. Yet they don't realize how unhealthy it is for them to subject you to their behavior.
Your mothers trust is broken. And when the trust in a relationship is gone there is nothing left. There is nothing you can do. And you feeling the responsibility of trying to fix things, must feel overwhelming.
I believe parents should be open with their children up until a certain point. Your mom sharing she's broken hearted and acting out her frustration. And your dad saying he can't stand her. Is so wrong. They are putting you in the middle. Venting to the their child. Instead of a counselor or friends.
I think you should take a break. Go stay with a relative or friends. So they can do whatever it is their going to do. This option if you have expressed how they behave is effecting you. Maybe if they knew that. For your sake they would do something one way or another.
You shouldn't have the weight of the world on your shoulder.

Answer 6

So sorry you're going through that Sweetie! Just remember one thing... it has NOTHING to do with you. It is between your parents. They are being very selfish! You should not have to be comforting your mother, it should be the other way around if anything. You should not have to be a witness to that! Try to stay strong. It sounds like things aren't going to work out for them. And sometimes that's just life. Whatever happens, just know you parents love you and things will turn out alright in the end. Good luck darling!

Answer 7

This is not routine! Seek help through your church, your school conselors or through your family. Suggest to your mother that it would be wise to speak to an attorney/lawyer and start saving money.

I'm sorry for you sweets, this is hard on everyone is a home...sometimes parents forget about the kids during these things...big hugs.

Tell each of your parents that you love them but, you will not take sides against the other...this will stop them from putting you in the middle. More hugs...

Answer 8

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do except to just be there to support your mom and your dad (if you can). Maybe by expressing to both parents, separately, how their arguing and the comments they are making are hurtful to you. Maybe that would be enough for them to consider being a little more discreet about their arguments. Ask to get counseling for yourself. The fact that your father cheated and you knowing that is enough for you to get a head start on counseling. That will effect YOU later on.

Good luck.

Answer 9

First of all, TRY To stay out of this -- it is NOT your relationship that is difficult and in trouble -- it is theirs -- and NOT your fault!

Have they tried counseling? That might be a first step to encourage them to talk to an impartial 3rd party and start working on some of the difficult areas of their relationship. So Encourage that they go to their pastor, a counselor or some one like that to talk things out before moving out and divorcing (especially since they survived so far -- that shows a LOT of commitment that most today are Unwilling to make).

Answer 10

Let your parents handle their own affairs. All kids would love to have a happy family, but truth is grown ups have problems and sometimes can't work them out. It might be best or all for them to separate. It's certainly not good for no one to constantly argue, fight and stay in a hopeless, loveless relationship. You remember to do the same when you're involved in a hopeless, loveless relationship/marriage.
Love both of your parents no matter what they decide...