i'v been with him 13 years since i was 18 years old now i'm 31.we hardly ever do anything together.we have 2 great kids.he is a truck driver so not always home .if he has a bad day he comes home says hes quiting then he tells me to get off my lazy *** and go to work .he is always putting me down sometimes even call me fat he can be controling and he is jealous.most times i think about leaving him but then i think about the kids and hurting them cause my son crys when hubby and i talk about me leaving .sometimes i just wanna run and be alone but it cant be done.my parents are old fashined and says to me u made ur bed now u gotta lay in it....and when we fight he trys to make up by sex.we even sleep in different bedrooms he says cause i snore.if i go in town shopping he will call and listen to make sure i'm not at some guys house.and when i go for a coffee i'm not allowed to go inside the cafe.most times i want to look for a guy online and run plz help me.............
2006-08-27 05:00:13 · 14 answers · asked by browneyez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i wont post my pic here but its on my yahoo id he says no place for a married girls pic on the pc...oh and i am pretty even had ppl ask if my pic was real or from a book...
2006-08-27 05:08:47 · update #1
i am also afraid of leaving him i dont know why....
2006-08-27 05:31:53 · update #2
i asked him to go to coucelling he said no to me...says we dont need it.i get down alot crying to myself.
2006-08-27 05:39:23 · update #3
if all that's keeping the relationship going is the guilt - it's definitely time to call it quits - your kids will be much happier
z
2006-08-28 18:28:48 · answer #1 · answered by Ric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Browneyez, you will have do something. Your already talking about talking to guys on the net. Soon you will be having sex with someone. ( I read your profile) Wanting sex that much, eventually your going to break. Staying in a marriage to live a lie or, because it will hurt the kids is a bad idea. If you have tryed everything that you can to save your marriage and he won't even consider counseling, then it is time for you to make some decisions. You must respect your parents, but only you can live your life, and what is right and acceptable for them may not be for you. Apparently after 13 years of marriage he has become conferable and doesn't feel that taking his personal problems out on you will matter. It also appears that his marriage is not worth the effort to try and make it better. Don't make a bad situation worse by letting that man catch you messing around.
2006-08-27 08:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by candlelight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you feel this way. I first want to say that if you and your husband are getting into physical fights like if someone is putting their hands on the other person, or if you two are throwing things at each other, then it's time for you two to part because Abuse is Never okay.
Next, Sex is NEVER the right way to make up after a fight. It's just...not. Because when you have sex, you're being intimate, you're submerging yourself with your partner, and emotions are invovled. That could lead to bad feelings or bad thoughts about sex.
You should NEVER fight infront of your children no matter how old they are. That's extremely traumatic for kids and teen agers. Walk away, Take a ride, or go check in to a hotel. And when you two are both calm, discuss the issue. Yelling and screaming doesn't make anything better.
So many times people stay in relationships "for the children" however that could be more damaging to the children than it would be to actually leave the person. Children love their parents, and yes, it is hard for kids/teens when their parents split BUT it is also alot of the times more healthy for them because they aren't hearing or concerned about the fighting and the yelling and the screaming. So don't stay there "for the children", because that may do them more harm.
If you want your marriage to work, I greatly suggest marriage counseling for you and your husband. Men that are away from their homes and their families a lot of the time as your husband is, often really don't understand how to interact once they are back home. Also they deal with stress and just, lot's of different things that men that ARE home everyday with their families do not. Understand, I'm not condoning or approving his behavior, I'm just letting you know that there are things that he deals with as well that you may not know about.
Lastly, you're a woman:) and no one should be talked to in that way. I'm sure you do many things at your home for your family that your husband is not aware of. I'm sure that you deal with stresses and issues that he does not deal with everyday because of the fact that he's not home often. Emotionally i'm sure that you have feelings that he doesn't know about.
It's not easy being married to someone who's not home often. I have friends that are married to LD truckers, not to mention my Father has been driving LD since he's been out of the military.
That i'm sure puts a strain on your marriage because it's not like he's there every night or when things come up, or for everyday things that come up or happen. The communication between the two of you is probably pretty low. And you two probably don't really spend time alone together don't something exciting when he is home.
Remember how it felt when you and your husband were dating, and Remember how it felt when your husband asked you to marry him, and Remember the memories of the past that you two have together! Encourage your husband to do the same thing!
I believe that if you two took marriage counseling, and worked on your marriage, I mean really worked on it, even when he's on the road, that your marriage can survive, and not only that, but I believe the two of you can be happy together because the truth is:) you love each other, or you wouldn't have gotten married all those 13 years ago!
If after counseling and I mean, a good length of time of working on your marriage, communicating, talking, sharing, being open, and honest, and trying new things and etc. If after that you still want out-then go ahead and leave if that is what will be best for you and the children.
Blessings To You & Yours
2006-08-27 05:27:20 · answer #3 · answered by Pastors Wife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please do NOT jump from the frying pan into the fire! By that I mean, DONT start looking for another. And secondly dont stay in a marriage for the sake of your children. Now with that said, I would suggest that you first resolve your own issues. Know who YOU are, and what YOU want. I firmly believe that women go into their midlife crises when they're in their 30s....which simply says, we start asking ourselves, "is this all there is?"
And on the other hand, it kinda sounds that you' may have lost respect for each other. So at this point I'd suggest counseling. If that doesnt work, then the next step is separation.
Dont make any snap decisions. Look at all alternatives. And COMMUNICATE with each other. Using common sense will bring decisions of satisfaction.
2006-08-27 05:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say do whats best for you ...Do not worry about your children - if you are NOT around due ot your husband losing it and doing something stupid the ywill be far worse off right.So I say if you are wanting out of your marriage and you are thinking of finding another guy on line wh ystay in a marriage that is making you unhappy .File divorce papers and let hi mknow you are leaving his sorry ash and you want to make a fresh start 13 yrs is far too long ot stay with a clown like that.
2006-08-27 05:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by Glenn T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My expensive i'm going to tell you in few words. That 8 months in states replaced the state of affairs. in the time of that factor her subconscious recommendations found out which you're earning supremacy over her and have been complicated her deficiency of joblessness. Your quickly and virtous recommendations grew to become into misreaded. Now she have been given the job yet inadvertently her negetive understanding popping out from her attitudein one among those revenge. She mentioned genuine that she love you yet from the wakeful recommendations. the two one among you will possibly desire to flow to a medical psychologist without loosing time because of the fact those diffused issues will bring about open disagreement which will result ideal contempt. an authority couselling can sparkling up your situation a hundred% ideal of nice fortune
2016-11-05 21:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sister...get out of that house! I'm in the same situation but after 22 years, I'm done!
The next time he's gone for work, pack your things (and the kids) and leave. Go to the Women's Shelter, go to Legal Aid, go!
And Sister, having an affair will not help...he'll find out and make things worse.
You don't have to live that way, you don't have to, no matter what anyone says.
Peace & good luck.
2006-08-27 05:12:58 · answer #7 · answered by the Wicked Witch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time to pack up and move out
you could always do it when hes out doing truck driver stuff.
find a place for you and the kids and just leave hes not worth the abuse.
screw what your parents say you are an adult. you made your bed and slept in it and now its time to change the sheets and get a better bed!
good luck with things
oh and if you need help moving out sometimes there are womens shelters that can point you in the right direction
2006-08-27 05:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by knowitall 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go to a lawyer and / or cousellor: chrch or social services. Ask at the police department.
get out of that relashiponship, fast!!!
Don't wait for you to become something to read about in the front page of the paper.
You don't have to stay in a realtionship when love is gpone, care is gone, and dnager of anyhting is always there. He shouldn't yield/fight. He doesn't own you nor you own him. Thinmk about wht made you two be together at the begining.
Maybe is frustauon from work on wages. A counselor will help you!!!NA dyour son doesn't diserve to be in the middle of arguments!! And if you sleep separate, HELLO!!! Time to move out!!!!And work on a settlement for separation and divorvce. And strart a new life for yourself and your son!
2006-08-27 05:09:25 · answer #9 · answered by Arnold 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
turning to a new guy isnt the answer dont go there right now for the kids sake there are some strange people out there you know i have some similar things going on right now im my own marriage im actually contiplating moving to a new state and sharing a house with my sister and her kids because she wants to leave her controlling husband mine isnt controlling but he isnt here for me and he doesnt work if you feel its over file for a divorce or seek counseling but since he is this controlling it might do you good to leave him and mail the divorce papers
2006-08-27 05:05:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are experiencing is called emotional abuse.
You owe it to your children to not let them hear you being talked to like that, if you have insurance, I would start talking to a good counselor.
It is time to learn some new skills for dealing with abusive persons.
The last thing you want to do is engage him when he tries to start a fight. Don't play ball with him.
One very important thing for you to do is start validating yourself that you deserve respect.
I am sure there are some domestic violence outreach organizations near you, they will be a valuable resource for you. USE THEM. This is a form of violence, and it is not a good thing for your children to witness.
2006-08-27 05:07:27 · answer #11 · answered by ms_books3736 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋