Cheated on husband what do i do?

Question

I got caught cheating on my husband and now i am trying to fix my marriage but he doesnt want to fix it and make it better...i know what i did was wrong i just dont know what to do

Answer 1

It was your fault. Accept responsibility for your actions and move on. If he wants a divorce, oh well. Again, you brought this upon yourself.

Don't come looking for pity when you, of your own free will, chose to violate your marraige vows.

Answer 2

Well, if you cheated on your husband, your marriage obviously wasnt satisfiying for you otherwise you would never have given in to temptation. You would never have let yourself get into that situation. Honestly, if my husband cheated on me, even after the 10 years weve been together, I'd probably give up on him too. Once trust is gone, there isnt much else you can do to save it especially if one persons not willing to keep the marriage together. Once the trust is gone, everything else starts to slowly but surely deteriorate. I dont know how long ago this happened to you but if it was recently, maybe he just needs some time to determine if he still loves you enough to try again. Give him some time to process everything, you might be surprised with what happens. But if its been a while and he still doesnt want to work things out, you should make plans to move on with your life and learn from your mistakes. Just keep apologizing over and over and over. Trust is fragile, it will take a very long time for him to trust you again. I wish you luck.

Answer 3

You do know that what you did was wrong when you did it, so where's the dilemma? Obviously your marriage and your husband didn't mean as much to you as an affair, so you're just going to have to tough it out! There's no easy way out of this one--as you women are so fond of saying, you let your little head do your thinking!! You started out your explanation with, "I got caught cheating...", so if you had gotten away with it, it wouldn't have been a problem?? Sorry, sister, you've got more problems now than you ever cared to deal with, and you deserve every bit of it!

I just read some of your Q/A stuff, and what I read confirms my answer. You're just a dirty, vicious cheater by heart, aren't you?! This isn't a first time thing for you, and obviously you haven't learned a thing! You'd better get out of his house now, before he has both your arms and legs broken!!

Answer 4

Your posting make it clear that you stopped only because you got caught. So, what is your husband supposed to think?

Are you sorry? Really? Or, just sorry for getting caught? This is your problem to solve. Perhaps you felt neglected and decided to fill you needs elsewhere. So what! Cheating is a choice. You chose to look outside your marriage rather than within it. Now you expect him to forgive and forget. It's not that easy.

The real injustice of cheating is that everything falls on the shoulders of the faithful spouse. Its up to them to forgive, to move forward, to talk, to agree to go to counseling, to make the decsion to continue with the relationship. So, on top of feeling truly awful, they are punished even more by becoming the focal point of the situation.

How awful does he feel? Here's what I wrote recently when someone asked me how I felt when I discovered that my wife was cheating. Here's what I wrote.

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There were times when I felt like a sword was through my chest from heart to spine. Sometimes I started to cry without provocation. I had trouble sleeping. I plotted her death in at least a dozen different ways.

The most awful aspect of it all is that there was no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to her about how I felt about her cheating because she was no longer a trusted partner. I couldn't talk to my parents, parents, brothers, or friends because it was just too shaming.

The loneliness was so thick, heavy, and cloying that it felt like being buried under a pile of cold dirt.

Lastly, there's the finality of knowing that nothing will ever be the same again.

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That's what you have done!

Answer 5

You need to just give him time! everyone deals with cheating differently, he may never be able to get over it!! put your needs and feelings aside for now! Sorry to say, as a man who has been cheated on,it is very hard to trust your mate once you have been betrayed like that! Really theres gonna be this trust issue that's got you in the hole right now. He's never gonna forget so you've got to make the future better and get his trust back!

Once someone has gone outside of their marriage,it never is the same. Truly repent from cheating totally & return back to your lifetime soulmate God gave you to have in the first place. Than ask God to forgive you and make Jesus your Lord of your life. Put God in the centered of your marriage, ok! Marriage is what it is until death . When you speak those words "Till death do us part " THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS. Honor the sanctity of your marriage !!!! Marriage is a commitment - bottom line; for better or worse. When we marry , we make a commitment to stick by our lifetime soulmate through thick and thin.If our spouse screws up and makes mistakes , forgive them , work it out and maintain the commitment.

Answer 6

Sweetie, I'm sorry to say that unless he wants to work on it, there isn't much you can do. Does he want out? If he hasn't said divorce yet or hasn't moved out or anything, there might still be a chance. Right now, he's had a big shock and he's hurting. Until he's willing to come around, all you can do is bide your time and wait. Marriage counseling, at least for you if he won't go with you, would definitely be good. Whatever you do, don't make excuses for your behavior, I've heard that will only make it worse. Accept it and be willing to give him whatever he needs from you if/when he does eventually start to come around.

Answer 7

You have to talk to him if you want to fix anything but you alsi need to ask yourself why you cheated and if the relationship it that important to you. and if you are going to want to do it again if the situation doesnt change. but getting him to talk is a job in itself cheating is the worst hting you could possibly do to a man. Nothing will hurt him like that. Good luck i hope you find what makes you happy
oh and another thing if you can't get him to talk find a tim when you know he is comming home, meet him outside and tell him you're not leaving until he lets you talk and dont leave no matter how long it takes for him to talk to you or call the cops.

Answer 8

Leave him alone. There are some things that can not be "fixed". Just accept the fact that you screwed up and let that man get on with his life. I could never forgive a cheater. Sorry for being so blunt, but there are some things in this life that people can not forgive and forget. In my opinion, once a cheat always a cheat.

Answer 9

Like the other person said, you cheated for a reason. If you truly love someone, than that would NEVER enter your mind to cheat. If he truly loves you than he will forgive you. It takes a bigger person to forgive. I found out through my past relations that if you really, really love someone, you can forgive them for most anything. But if it is not true love you will make excuses to get out of the marriage and especially if you opened the door for him to be able to put the blame on you. He can tell people" she cheated on me, it was her fault". I think you know what I mean. You need to just sit down with him and ask him straight to his face if it is really over and tell him you will be out of his life if that is really what he wants and then give him time to think about it.

Answer 10

Forget it, you did yourself in. My wife cheated on me and and I have tried to forgive her but its just not happening. I would rather divorce her than wonder if she is still dropping her pants for another guy. She is not worth any effort to keep, she is damaged goods. I know she will regret what she did when she gets the divorce papers. She should have told me she was having issues that would cause her to do this so I could of had a chance to help her and me from this horror from ever taking place.

Answer 11

for me the first thing to do is to QUIT TALKING ABOUT IT. if you need to discuss it with someone find a girlfriend that you can talk to, not me.

Second thing, stop the affair, you got caught now you have to decide what is more important, the hubby or the affair. if it was a one time thing that you got caught in tell him that it was a one time thing and get past it. if the affair had your heart, put it behind you. and really mean that you have put it behind you.

third act like an old married woman, you will be less attractive to other men.