I am a gay man, 33 years old, intelligent, well-spoken, educated, witty, and charming. But, though I am attractive, I am overweight. For that reason, most men won't give me the time of day.
Why is it that gay men are so quick to judge a book by it's cover? Aren't there any guys out there who want a boyfriend who is thoughtful, caring, responsible and trustworthy? Or is it just because I don't make good arm-candy?
2006-08-27 03:28:26 · 27 answers · asked by pceej 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Love, not all of us are like that, and also, it's not just gay men who are like that, I feel that it's humanity on a whole. We all give in to attractivness rather than personality sopme times in our lives, it's normal. I'll tell you this though, don't fret about it, if you're meant to be with someone, then it's going to happen, no matter what you look like on the outside. AND, if you WERE skinny, think about this. Would you really want to be with a guy if it was possible that he wouldn't have wanted to be with you if you were overweight? Just think of yourself as somehow better than those guys that judge you for your outward appearance, bacause YOU have the ability to love whats inside a person more than you care about their outside looks.
On the other hand tho honey, I can tell you this. I personally don't find overweight guys attractive, there are some out there that do, but I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm one of them. It might help if you put a lil effort into it on your part to try to get yourself into better shape, instead of being upset because no one wants you in the shape you're in. I'm not saying do something extreme and starve yourself or get liposuction or something, but just casually increase the healthyness of your diet and exercise, and guys with eventually start to notice you. And again, I'm not saying go out and become a body builder, just try a little. There's a difference between being overweight, and being fat. Even iof you're still overweight, if you look GOOD for your weight, then those guys will notice, and once they start talking to you, I'll bet they'll love your personality and they'll like you even more. Thats just what I think. I'm more of a personality kind of guy, I don't really care for "arm candy" as you put it, they tend to be a bit shallow in my opinion, but I'm positive that when a stranger looks at you, he can't see your sparkling personality, and he can only make a decision on whether or not you're worth it by the way you look, so if you take care of yourself, he'll notice. You don't have to look perfect, but if you don't look halfway decent, what other choice does he have but to look the other way before even meeting you. I really hope I helped, loves,
~!*Justy Bean*!~
2006-08-27 10:05:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I went through the same thing when I was your age. My weight fluctuated alot and there were times I'd be in a bar and some guy would approach me...the obvious stuff. Then when they would notice I was overweight....man , some of the things that would come out of their mouths really hurt me. I decided I'd never go to a bar again if my weight was high.
I'm much older now and have been in a great relationship for 16 years. Many gay guys .....younger ones, that is, tend to be very superficial....and, yes, it's about eye-candy.
As we get older this stuff goes away.
I'd say it's the same way in the straight world, so don't be too put off by it. Your day will come!
2006-08-27 09:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by Jake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your totally right, that is how gay men are, and striaght men. Straight men dont prefer fat girls, hence the reason women are so obsessed with dieting. Gay men dont prefer fat boys either, hence the reason that so many gay boys are obsessed with there bodies. Perhaps you should go on a diet? Im not trying to be rude, but you may just need to conform to society if you want to find a decent bf thats not a troll. It is unfortunate and tragic that you cant find a man because your overwieght, but thats just how it is in the gay world. Im a lesbian thank god and we are probley the only group not all caught up in wieght and looks. My wife is gorgous to me and Im sexy to her, although we do have a few extra pounds on both of us.
2006-08-27 07:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by arielsalom33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a "bear"--a little overweight in the gut, but not viwed as a "fat"person. Bears are as superficial as any gay men. They have their standards of looks, very much so, to an extreme even. If you are not at least almost beautiful, (in the face), hairy enough, etc--FORGET IT !! I ve been in this sector for 25 some odd years (in my 50s) and I know from what I speak.
2015-12-19 11:08:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
and what kind of guys are you going for exactly?you should explain that. Imagine, you are going for guys who are skinny, athletic, or baby face. That simply would be superficial as well...
I'm sure you can find someone like you also. But if you are going for someone with complete different characteristics, u have to work out a bit and do ur best to be in shape.
A relationship has always a phisical factor. if it's just getting along, then people become friends, not lovers.
2006-08-27 05:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought there were tons of chubby chasers out there!!! There is a market for everyone, you just don't like your market. If that is the case then you have to lose weight, it doesn't mean that all men are superficial.
I used to hang out at the Lone Star in SF because it was near my house. The hottest guys (to me) would come in and I couldn't get any of them because it was a bear bar and none of them were looking for a tall slim blond guy.
2006-08-27 10:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by n2mustaches 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This occurs with numerous straight guys too. Those douchey guys that are obsessed with boobs and at all times try to find the lady with the most important ones? Good homosexual guys have these types of men too, and unfortunatly, just like the straight douches, they're the ones you're without doubt to fulfill at clubs.
2016-08-09 12:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not just gay men its men and women alike. Everybody has this image of a person they want to be with as opposed to who they are supposed to be with. Until I met my b/f I was liking guys that were like BillyBob Thorton. Tall dark and has a dark side. My b/f is not like that at all. Hes gentle and caring. So my advise to you is just relax and when your moment is right it will happen. It did to me. And besides no offense, but their men. (im a woman) I am sure that there is a guy out there for you just be patient.
2006-08-27 04:27:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This can work for a heavy guy and a girl as well. Gay men might be embracing their feminine side yes, but they are embracing and accentuating what THEY believe and consider to be feminine traits and actions. The media and we as a culture have established over the years the ' feminine superficiality'. Everything from women unable, incapable, vote to dumb blond jokes. If we are to embrace ANY relationship, do it on it's, and your, own standards. Don't act the way 'you think you should act' be who you are .....whoever that might be. Best wishes
2006-08-27 04:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand that you are frustrated by it all, however there are all sorts of tastes and preferences, people have; when it comes to looking for LTRs. How do you present yourself? All those adjectives, you mentioned, may very well be applicable BUT if you don't put them across to your intended then you cannot expect people to see anything beyond the physical.
Best wishes in your search.
2006-08-27 06:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋