what do you think of this poem?

Question

It all start with atear
comes from your source of fear
you scream n life is oh dear
nobody can see it but its clear
we don't look around but its near
the future in every minutes dies
our laughs are all turned to cries
burning our memories n saying our goodbyes
the world wasn't n won't be very nice
we all hoping in thi end the sun will raise
every body is holding life rope
why don't we take death like another hope
my tears are fallin like a rain
its weired but the cloud is my brain
noticed it hold all my emotions n pain
my body scares are all what I gain
after your abusing that I paid for
no stop but you heared me shouting no more
I tryed to run but you locked the door

Answer 1

The content is decent. It's rhythm is more like a rap song though. I'd advise you to check you spelling (unless the errors are intentional for artistic purposes) and break it up into several stanzas, probably like this:

It all start with atear
comes from your source of fear
you scream n life is oh dear
nobody can see it but its clear
we don't look around but its near

the future in every minutes dies
our laughs are all turned to cries
burning our memories n saying our goodbyes
the world wasn't n won't be very nice
we all hoping in thi end the sun will raise

every body is holding life rope
why don't we take death like another hope
my tears are fallin like a rain
its weired but the cloud is my brain
noticed it hold all my emotions n pain

my body scares are all what I gain
after your abusing that I paid for
no stop but you heared me shouting no more
I tryed to run but you locked the door

Answer 2

I agree with "only get1shot" about breaking it up into verses. I'm really concerned about the contents though.You sound like you are extremely sad and dealing with a lot inside.If this is true please don't bottle it up anymore because it won't go away.Talk to some one about your pain.Don't hide those tears away either. They're part of the healing process.I'm writing this because I have been through so much myself and hate to see others hurting.Please take that step towards a happier future and maybe we"ll read some happier poems soon.Wishing you the best.

Answer 3

It rhymes real nice
and repeats itself thrice
but it sure ain't spice
and the spelling's wrong
like a child's song
i'd say i like it
but i can't say

Answer 4

what an over nice poem that is.

I liked it so much, but i wonder if it yours or someones ^_^

by the way i interested in reading it.

i hope to read more like.

register me ONE of your admires.

Answer 5

i like it..!