My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years. He is middle eastern (non-muslim), I am american. Last year he went home to visit his family and I found out that he didn't tell them about being married. When he got back we had a huge argument about it and his response was that they wouldn't understand or accept it. I believe that family is important but I also think that I should be important enough to be acknowledged. He says he loves me and I love him, but this situation has me so stressed out that I'm too tired to discuss it anymore. I don't know if I can trust him or if I should. What do you think about this and what should I do?
2006-08-27 01:44:00 · 14 answers · asked by Lisa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't worry about it or stress over it. Pick and choose your battles. This sounds like one not to worry about.
2006-08-27 01:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sit down and have a calm conversation to explain to him how important family is to you and how important it is for you to be acknowledged by his family (you didn't say acknowledged positively or negatively... it sounds like positively might not be an option). Ask him what his plans for the future are? Does he plan on always visiting his family alone? Will his family not make the trip to visit him? I think it's probably best if he tells his family the truth. It may be hard for them to accept, but like it or not... he loves you, enough to marry you...
2006-08-27 08:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have children with this cat. If he goes back home with your kids when things start to get rough, YOu will NEVER see your children again.
Women have 0 rights over there and you can risk getting executed yourself. You are married to someone who's family is extremely intolerant of him marrying an outsider/westerner.--your marriage is doomed because you will never ever be accepted into that part of his family and his life. You could not let it bother you, but the fact is, is he is planning on practicing deciet throughout the rest of your marriage to conceal you. How do you feel about being a part to his double life?
Those people over where his home is would go CRAZY if he told them, people over there are not like here. It is like a girl going home to KKK member family and telling them she has been married to a black man for 5 years. They would be on the verge of killing her! think about it. Don't have kids with this guy, it will be a BIG mistake.
2006-08-27 08:52:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the first thing is you are at the five year mark which is a trying time anyway. But he did you wrong by not telling his family.If he really loves you he should have no problem telling anyone, I know family is a big part of life but define family are you a part or not. I think that I might be packing if things didn't change.
2006-08-27 08:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by beautifulstars 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is usually the case with middle eastern men, they go abroad to study and then get married and dont tell their fly. I am a bit suprised that he being non moslem did not tell his fly?
I wud reakon that his fly wud so want to know why thier sone lives away from them, well if yr husband doesnt ever intend going back to his home country and his culture and his family doesnt mean anyhting to him then dont dwell on this too much sit down with him, reason out why he did not tell his fly with him, ask him his long term plans, and then take it from there.
2006-08-27 09:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by haboba13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think he is ashamed being married with you. but i think his family might be "narrow minded" or "prejudiced" about some kind of things, there are some people who has radical thoughts, you know. probably he is trying to protect you and the marriage. he might have thought that his family could damage to you, to him, to the relationship and the marriage. it calls social pressure.
i know there are some events like that. i know some families who want to kill the lovers because of their religious differnces, nationality differnces, just for marriage etc.
if he hides you and the marriage from a group of people, there must be a rational reason. i dont say this to make you feel good, i really believe this with all my heart..
he is your husband, talk with him about the subject and if you trust him, if he make you feel happy, if you feel that he is proud of you, you can try to understand his decision. i think you and your husband need to talk more about his family. best wishes, everything will be good, dont worry, please..
2006-08-27 11:39:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should of told his family. His family should put his happiness first and you make him happy. It is unfair to you and his family. As far as what to do that is hard. I know that if it was my husband he would tell them or I would and if that is a problem then maybe we should be together. I wouldn't want to be with someone that is afraid to tell anyone that he is my husband.
2006-08-27 08:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
god that is a hard call there hun me personal no matter the mans "ethnic back ground" I don't think i could Over come the fact that he is not proud enough no matter what his "family" thought about who he is married to, To tell them! Sorry but if my family don't like who i married for ANY reason tuff get over it that's who i love and it is my choose!!!
2006-08-27 10:36:18 · answer #8 · answered by lori b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is he going to do hide you in the closet if his family ever comes for a visit.That really sounds a little strange after all your his wife.I'm a man but think if i was in your shoes i would leave him as soon as i could.
Good luck don't let it get you down!!
2006-08-27 08:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously hiding something from you and from his family. Looks to me like he's having his cake and eating it too. Send his butt home, for good.
2006-08-27 10:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋