My wife has a "friend" (who incidentally was my "friend" prior) who is constantly calling or texting her phone up to 5 times a day or vice/versa. He just got divorced, never calls me anymore, and seems to be occupying her mind alot lately. She has begun to buy me clothes in his style, wants me to work harder at getting rid of my "pooch" belly (she never liked the washboard before), is buying me the same kind of cologne/body spray that he uses, and is constantly referring to the type of woman he likes as not being like her. I trust her fully. but it is becoming more difficult to deal with their "friendship". I have had numerous conversations voicing my insight on their relationship with both of them, to no avail. FYI- I have disowned near all my friends from less concerns of hers, than I am going through right now.
2006-08-27 00:17:24 · 14 answers · asked by Frank 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I have NEVER been this open in our relationship or any previous one! I have been very adament with both of them about where I stand. She has even gone as far as to help him set up accounts on dating sights, only to make her snide comments about him not being partial to woman like her..... In my Presense!!
2006-08-27 00:32:07 · update #1
In no way do I believe that they are having a sexual relationship..... the 3 of us do spend alot of time together (usually I am in the background- they forget that I am there), but it is emotionally draining on me when my 5 year old calls him daddy (I know- a slip of the tongue.... she is only a child), when my wife talks to him more than me, and when she decides that I need to be more like him..... not necessarily verbalizing it to me, but in her subtle actions- ie: the wardrobe change, cologne, the comments about herself and the "dreamy" look she sometimes has.
I played the girl "friend" card with her (she happens to be his sister, as a matter of fact) and BOY HOWDY was she Jealous and Peaved at me!
2006-08-27 01:07:14 · update #2
man, this is a serious case.... seems like he is transforming you to her "friend" you have to do something about that immediately... for us ladies, it is a sign that she is drop dead lusting to that friend that's why she wants you to become like him...
2006-08-27 00:22:22 · answer #1 · answered by kish-kish 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You must have some feelings towards someone to be able to call them your friend.
However, in this case, try to look at it from your friends point of view.
If he is recently divorced, then he is feeling very lonely, and needs some female company. If your wife is a helpful sort of character, she might just be filling that role.
Do you ever go out as a threesome?
Why doesn't he treat you as a friend any more. Has he been asking for help and got a refusal?
What is the real problem here - do you feel insecure for some reason. Is he friendly with your kids?
Yes, it is quite possible for a woman to have a male friend. It helps her to get a different perspective on things, and to get a deeper insight into you.
Why not try to become a friendly threesome while your friend is in the process of starting his next relationship?
2006-08-27 00:40:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah women can have male friends and not wanna be anything more, men on the other hand find it a lot harder, maybe he just needs some attention after his divorce, u should still talk to her though, tell her u are worried that he has feelings for her and that she is suddenly trying to change u. It may be nothing more than friends, or here's an idea get her to set him up on a date with one of her friends,that way he will get the message that she isn't interested, although u run the risk of her refusing to do so and that might cause more problems.
2006-08-27 01:03:53 · answer #3 · answered by bobatemydog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's ok for women to have male friends... But if it's bothering you it's not ok. Although you already have, discuss again with your wife that it is really bothering you, it's becoming very difficult, & ask if she could be a bit more considerate of your feelings, considering that you have disowned near all your friends for less concerns than this... Even befriend those people you have disowned again if she doesnt start to understand...Explain that it's not a lack of trust but it just leaves you uncomfortable, & also let her know that you have your own style & don't want to adapt his...
2006-08-27 00:28:21 · answer #4 · answered by idk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i have a very close lady friend and her husband also thinks we are having a sexual relationship. it has never happenned and it never will. we are just really close friends. for some reason i attract alot of women to me, but just as friends. we never do anything sexual at all. just talk alot and hang out. its mutual, they just want a guy as a friend only with no sexual tension. and i just like to have lady friends like that. just be honest with her and ask if its just a friendship or if she is looking for more. and you also said he was youre friend at one time, go confront him. and ask him straight out if he just likes her as a friend only or if he is wanting to go farther. i even have lady friends that i have slept in the same bed with many times and nothing ever happenned. it was just sleeping. you must be really stressed about thinking shes cheating on you. but it depends on the guy shes with, if hes honest he would never do anything sexual with a lady that is already in a relationship. my best advice would get back to being friends with him again also, so you will see him on a regular basis. i have become friends with many of my friends wives or girlfriends and have never done anything sexual at all. ive even become better friends with there wives just because of the honest and open conversations. let me give you some advice on women, they really like guys who turn most other women down. im not a good looking guy by any means. im just average. i drive an old beat up truck, i have a normal job, no big money. but i get hit on by ladies alot. well not alot, a few times a week. and i never call them back. just let there friendship be ok. if it turns out to be more than that dump her. good luck man, women are almost impossible to understand.
2006-08-27 00:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more than friends. I have friends that are males no feelings just mates they dont take up my whole time. they have always respected the person im with an became friends with them. Tell your friend that he should move on join a dating agency. If your wife insists on trying change you tell her make up her mind what she wants she married you for what you are y she want you to change now. You could pretend you have female friend start talking about see how she likes it. good luck.
2006-08-27 00:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by a mother 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is feasible for a woman to have a male friend and not have any feelings for him. but in this case i think ur wife is cheating on you. if not sexually definitely emotionally. he is clinging to ur wife because he lost his. she's clinging to him and wanting u to be more like him because of the attention he's giving her. what u need to do is tell ur wife flat out that the relationship they have is making u uncomfortable and give the reasons why. if she doesn't care enough about ur feelings to change her behavior and u still want to stay with her, go to counseling and pray. good luck.
2006-08-27 00:44:37 · answer #7 · answered by keldog 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this dosn't sound good. the things that make me feel this way are that she wants you to dress and smell like him. there is something wrong with that picture. add the phone calls and texting to the equasion, and it just sounds strange. guys usually call other guys to commisserate with. i don't get why he is calling your wife and not you. maybe you should be concerned. if you have the money, hire a private detective to find out for sure. maybe you will find out that nothing is going on.
2006-08-27 00:33:20 · answer #8 · answered by Debi K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To have a friend requires some feelings. You are afraid that it is becoming more than that. Talk to her about it. Almost sounds like she is trying to spice you up out of fear of losing you. You need to work on the lines of communication within your relationship.
2006-08-27 00:25:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I then you are having mid life crisis.
Get more friends and talk to your wife about how you feel about them.
2006-08-27 00:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by j t 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋