I think he is taking our friendship too seriosuly and is expecting a lot from me as his friend and become irrational. It is affecting our work, he has the power to fire me and is going to fire me if i don't act like i am his best friend. What can i do?! (i also have the hunch he may like me as more than a friend)
2006-08-27 00:16:08 · 19 answers · asked by Kristy L 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I appreciate your concerns, and understand them -- I've had a straight woman in a position of authority over me (many years ago) become uncomfortably interested in me personally, even though she knew I was gay and had no interest in women.
It happens.
Whether you are both straight and one is female, the other male -- or you are both male and one is gay and the other straight, or you are both female and one is lesbian the other straight.
It's the nature of human sexuality and affections in play.
You use the word manager, so I assume that you are in a fairly large organization.
You need to do the following:
1. Journal everything. Another words, keep a record of what you do at work and what you do as friends -- consistently -- every day.
2. Find out the HR (Human Resources) chain of command.
3. If you are fortunate enough to be in a unionized shop -- find out the shop steward's name, and more importantly find out the Labor-Relations specialist that the union has assigned to your company.
4. Immediately write a "full disclosure" letter -- this letter should -- in SUBSTANTIALLY more detail than you give above record all of the things that led to your concerns -- and list your concerns. SIgn the letter INFRONT OF A NOTARY (your bank probably provides one, either full time or on certain days). Store the dated, notarized (yes, don't just sign it in front of a notary, have the notary notarize it) letter in your safe deposit box, if you don't have one, rent one at your bank or another bank.
5. Do NOT have a discussion of these things publically where you work OR with friends.
6. If it becomes extremely uncomfortable. Contact the people in human resources AND in the union that you have identified. Regarding HR, try to contact someone one layer ABOVE your manager's managerial capacity.
7. If you are still fired, take your journal and the notarized letter to an attorney and sue for sexual harrassment and whatever the attorney thinks is appropriate. Sue for damages and for lost work and whatever.
Now, personally, I suspect you are overreacting -- but some time ago I realized that not all people are quite as mature as I've been since I was 14, so maybe you aren't.
Good luck.
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2006-08-27 01:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. That's a tough spot. Find out your company's policies on termination so that you know their official rules. Maybe try talking to the guy, telling him that the friendship is making you uncomfortable at work and that you'd like to cool it for a while. Also, make sure you're not making more of his being gay than is really relevant. We have straight friends just like everybody else.
If it was me, I'd start looking for a transfer or a new job elsewhere just in case the situation goes bad. Your boss may never take it out on you at work, but there's a power differential there and you certainly are feeling it. If he does harass or fire you and you can prove the issue isn't your work but your boss's personal overtures (even none sexual), you might have a case for harassment in the US, but that's not a very pleasant road to travel. You could also try talking to your boss's boss, but again, there usually are repercussions.
Good luck
2006-08-27 01:12:15 · answer #2 · answered by Alex62 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop hanging out on the weekends. Maybe you are giving him signals without knowing it.
Tell him the truth about how you feel. If you get fired for that, you didn't need to work there from the get-go.
It's definitely not right, whether gay or straight, to 'fraternize' with your co-workers...especially a boss.
Maybe he's just really lonely. I mean, why would he want to hang with you on the weekends? Does he have any gay friends? Or any other friends at all?
The only way to control this situation is to confront him...preferably on one of those weekends you're hanging out.
True friends can communicate. If you and he can't, then what kind of friendship is that?
Good luck.
2006-08-27 01:12:25 · answer #3 · answered by Spencer 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quit and get another job. Some people just don't know where to draw the line when it comes to jobs and "romance." The two do not mix in any way. You may be reading far too much into this (Male ego), and he may be acting way out of line. In either case, you can't prove anything, you are uncomfortable, so move on...jobs are not THAT hard to find. OR, you can work your way to the top the easy way. Whatever.
2006-08-27 01:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately let him know that you are straight, and that you don't mind hanging with him as a friend, but that is all. If you have been with your employer for more than ninety days and he fires you without cause, you may have a lawsuit on your hands. It is possible, even though you may not want to take this route, if he fires you you could get him on a sexual harrassment charge.Good luck
2006-08-27 01:18:29 · answer #5 · answered by Finally home 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in the US and work for a company that employs more than 25 people in your location, you are covered by the EEOC and can report your supervisor for sexual harassment if that's what is going on. You need to make it clear to him that his advances are not welcome, and if he continues, you can report him. Also, without prior incident, if he offers a quid pro quo....like you keep your job or get a promotion in exchange for some kind of sexual behavior, you can report him.
Here's a problem. You hand out, (I assume you meant hang out) with him on weekends. This is by choice. You're leading him on, because you hoped it would lead to bigger and better things? And when it didn't, now you want to dump him as a friend. Maybe you're the one guilty of sexual discrimination.
2006-08-27 06:59:39 · answer #6 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to him that the friendship is just that a friendship nothing more, if he gets dramatic on you then you will have to cut the friendship to just at the work place, if he fires you for this hire a lawyer, im gay and would never push anyone into something they do not want, he is overstepping his position, make him aware of it,,
2006-08-27 06:03:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is a straight man using the name Kristy?
I hate that Str8bois think every gay guy is after their a$$. Talk about conceited.
2006-08-27 10:30:27 · answer #8 · answered by kiz_ma_az 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you're straight. If he's insistent and making the work environment really unbearable, take this issue directly to his supervisor. If that doesn't work, then report this to human resources. Good luck, dear!
2006-08-27 02:43:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey...my man...just because you think he is a GAY and you jump to conclusions...that's very bad just to judge some one...well I too have a Gay boss...but he never seems to bother me...they are sometime irritating...but if you do your job well there is no reason he is going to fire you...No one is dumb or stupid enough to fire a good worker...Look into you inner self and see what is wrong in your work and also is there any problem....not by showing your girlfriend...will solve this problem cause some gays have wives too...its their lifestyle...so women got nothing to do to solve your problem.....C'mmon...you are a male...(you wrote) so I assume you have courage to face it ..and overcome it...Bye
2006-08-27 01:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋