Should women who have had an abortion be put down and otherwise berated by society in general for their choice

Question

Now, before you get your dander up, this is the first part of a two-part question that has nothing to do with the right or wrong of abortion. It will address the attitudes of society toward women and children. Answer this one honestly, and please, no religious rhetoric, otherwise you will look foolish when I add the second question in 24 hours. This is not a religious question, or a question of morals, but a question of why society views two related acts in opposite ways.

Mark this question so that you will remember to come back to it tomorrow to see the second question and add your answer to it.

Sorry, being "put down" is an old term from my generation. I forget that it is mostly young folks here.

Should women who gave custody of their children to their father be put down or berated by society in general for their choice?

In my 17 years of working with divorced and single fathers, I see cases all the time where women only demand custody because of how they will be treated if they don't have it. In 1996, Cosmopolitan Magazine ask their readers a series of questions about happiness. One was that in the even of a divorce, would they be happier with or without custody of their children. Sixty-two percent of the women who responded said they would be happier not having custody. Society believes women should have a choice on abortion, but not custody, why is that?

Answer 1

Women who have had an abortion ARE put down and otherwise berated by society in general for their choice.
Should they be? No.

Putting a woman down because she chose to have an abortion just makes people look like hypocrites.
Society cares more about placing their own "free will" on the FETUS.
Society cares more about what their "free will" has to say about abortion and a woman's body in general.
For these very reasons has a woman's body become a battleground.

You want to talk about morals?
How about the fact that when a woman chooses to have an abortion, it is already the "free will" of the fetus to be aborted? It was the fetuses "free will" to be in a limited existence for a very short while. An unspoken thing between the fetus and the woman.
People speak of free will but when it comes to women choosing abortion,
society assumes what they consider to be "free will" is in direct correlation of the "free will" of the fetus.


Society talks about "child's rights" when it is not a child yet...it has NOT DEVELOPED INTO A CHILD! It is not a baby...it has not DEVELOPED into a baby. Society seems to think that women "tell themselves these lies to be able to go ahead with the abortion" or "to be able to live with their choice after the abortion". This is not the case.
For example: A baby doesn't just turn into a toddler overnight....the baby must "develop" into a toddler. It's called child development. But first a fetus must develop into a baby which a fetus has not.
Women are pratically forced fed by society that their body is not their own and that a fetus is not a fetus:: it is a baby. (Which is the equivelent of saying that a baby is not a baby::it is a toddler).
Society does this to ingrain women with loads of guilt and regret for their choice.

Now, women who have had an abortion that have been put down and otherwise berated by society in general for their choice, that's ALOT of women we're talking about. They are looked down upon with loads of judgement as they exit the clinic.
I'd rather a woman feel she has a choice to go to an abortion clinic and have a safe procedure done.
Rather than she feels she has no choice and must endure a back alley abortion with a doctor that has no idea what they are doing and she ends up dying from internal bleeding.


"Should women who gave custody of their children to their father be put down or berated by society in general for their choice?"

No, they should not. It is "deemed" acceptable that when a woman has a child, it is her responsibility as mother AND nurturer to take care of that child through all forms of development. She couldn't/shouldn't "even think of putting the "safety" of her kids into someone else's hands-not with other people and certainly not with a daycare. If she did, what kind of mother would that make her?"
Some women, perpetuated by society's stereotypes, still seem to think that no one will know more about her kids than she will and no one will do more for her kids than she will. ("The Perfect Mother" syndrome)

Society seems to think that because she brought the child into this world, that she has a "special connection" with the child and that the father will not have the same connection.
Society "superimposes" their will with stereotypes of the perfect woman including the perfect mother-someone who will treat her children a certain way and will never, never, never "abandon them".

You hear all over the media about those "bad mothers" that did this and did that.
Society says, in it's unspoken voice, of just how much trouble women will get into if they "get out of line".
Society literally dictates what makes a good mother and what makes a bad mother.
Women look at these so-called "role models" that society has shoved in their faces and they feel guilt. They believe the lie.
What will people say if she gave custody of her children to the father? Will that make her a bad person, a bad mother?

Society does not view men as nurturers. It cannot even fathom them as homemakers. To even suggest that men juggle a career and family is seen as ludicrous by society's standards.
Saying men cannot be nurturers/homemakers is a falsehood and yet there are many men and women who believe this falsehood to be true.
The media does nothing but perpetuate this stereotype that is generated and put into place by society's standards of womanhood. While it cancels out fatherhood all together.

Abortion and custody of children work in direct relationship with each other. Why? Because women and children have been forced to work in direct correlation with each other. But, father and children have not been forced to work in direct correlation with each other.
It is "said" that it falls on the responsibility of the woman to make choices that society deems fit/acceptable, especially as a MOTHER.
If she oversteps that "invisible boundary" she will be ridiculed for her choices regardless of what they are.
Is this right? No, it's not. Society is basically letting women know, by ridicule, that "taking care of the kids is her consequence for having sex in the first place. The men were just being men and spreading their seed."
Women believe this because they have been told that mothers take care of kids and does not fall in the hands of the fathers. By allowing fathers to take custody of the children, this would be the equivelent of saying that she is unfit to be a mother, shunned by a society that picks and prods at mothers if they don't make the right "choices" and by not making her children "her life" (by choosing a different path), society will make idle threats as to how it will look like she is abandoning her kids and rejecting them.

It took some women a LONG time to accept the fact that being a "perfect" mother was not possible and to accept being the "good enough" mother. Alot of women still feel that there is something wrong with them if they are not perfect mothers in every way shape and form and will quite literally beat themselves up over it. And because that has been ingrained into them by society, the fact that they would even "consider" giving custody of their kids to the father would be society calling them a failure. A nice kick to the curb. Saying she failed as a mother.

The barriers that are held into place by which gender is a better nurturer must be dismantled and changed or else this vicious cycle will be allowed by society to continue.

Answer 2

It is amazing how people feel so free to pass judgment. Especially the so called 'Christians.' I have always been pro-choice, although I felt that abortion shouldn't be used as birth control. A year ago, the unthinkable happened to me-I became pregnant; while on birth control at that.. At twenty. I made the hardest choice. And it was the right one. I am so grateful that I didn't have to use a hanger or go to a butcher. With all the religious fanatics, I wonder how much longer other women in the same predicament will have this right.

As far as custody is concerned, I do not think women should automatically gain custody of the child. It depends on the circumstances. I don't know how many men are living on food stamps, trying to pay child support. While the mother is on crack or speed. Like I said, the court should take into consideration the situation. This comes from someone whose parents divorced and whose father did not pay a cent to her struggling mother.

Answer 3

It depends on the context under which they had it. If they're the kind of women who are relying on abortion as birth control, then they deserve every shred of ridicule and harassment they get. This implies a level of irresponsibility and immaturity that are unacceptable no matter the age or situation of the woman involved. Find other methods of birth control, or--and I know some people won't like this suggestion--just have enough self-control and self-respect to abstain from sex.

If they had an abortion because they were young and stupid or the baby was not viable, that's different. To me, the idea of young adolescents (say 12-16 years of age) trying to raise babies and living off their parents and the welfare system is not right. Its different in cultures where the social expectation is that you marry very young and start having children right away. In America the idea is that you finish school first, and THEN start having children. Doing it any other way puts some degree of stress on everyone involved, including the child(ren).

In the latter situation of a nonviable baby, who are we (as a country) to say that a woman must carry a dead or dying baby to term and prolong the suffering all the way around? That's not to say I would have an abortion myself under such circumstances, but the choice must be there for those who face this tragic situation.

The answer to the second part of the question is a more definite no. Those women who realize it would be better for their children to be raised by a loving father and give up custody to that father should not be criticized at all. It's usually a matter of economics and well-being that would drive a mother to this choice, rather than selfishness. As for society's problem with choice on custody, it's a peculiar double standard based upon outdated beliefs about sex roles. Some men are better at "mothering" children than some women are, and society's patriarchal ideal refuses to accept that simple fact of life. Yes, it is odd that we view abortion as a woman's right to choose, but once the children are born a woman cannot choose to have them raised by someone else who will love them. Says something about the crazy culture in which we live...that we still have problems with seeing women in ways other than "mother" and "wife" and "sex toy". The slow progress beneath the strides some have made can be disheartening.

Answer 4

In no way. The attitude of "people" is a product of time, place and prevailing religion. There is no such thing as an absolute moral standard. The pre- Colombian Indians regarded it as perfectly moral to rip the hearts out of living people. Not so long ago the christian church was happy to burn thousands of innocent people accused of witchcraft or heresy. One can go on finding such examples of changing standards in history ad infinitum which clearly indicates that in time the present standards will become redundant. I think that males have always been somewhat over awed by the female's ability to generate new life and has subjugated women in an attempt to overcome his feeling of inadequacy

Answer 5

well, I'm obviously from your generation. No. A woman has as much responsibility for her body as a man does. We all make our own decisions according to our needs. Before we go putting anyone else down for their deeds, take a look at yourself. Curious? Why would all of society even know about the abortion? Would they be putting a big scarlet "A" on the shirts?

Answer 6

Im not sure about this one i suppose it depends on the circumstances of the woman and the unborn child for example if continuing with the pregnancy could be dangerous for the woman or the unborn child then by all means they should consider terminating the pregnancy, this is the only reason i personally would have an abortion, if a woman decided to end her pregnancy then im sure she would have her own reasons for doing so, i do not think a woman should be 'put down' for something she thinks is in her or her unborn childs best interests

Answer 7

No ...and if you look at all of the idiots in the world today ...more women should of had abortions....we don't have enough places for that if you ask me .....my mom wanted an abortion when she was pregnant with my younger brother ..and her nosey a ss mother talked her out of it and now the a sshole is a thief and a drug addict and he brings my mother much grief....she has mentioned on many occasions how she wished she would have went through with gettin' his a ss sucked out ....but its a whole lot too late for that now. We know who we screw ...and we know what the ending product could end up like ...and if we want to rid ourselves and the rest of the world of a pain in the a ss I think we should have the right to do that with no problems !!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

When you say 'put down' I presume you don't mean it the way vets use the term. Making children should be as the result of an agreement between the man and the woman, and the man should stick around afterwards. Someone's to blame for single mums, although who am I to judge? Like to see 2nd part of your question.

Answer 9

No, and people murder children should be put down by society for their choice.

Happy now?

Murdering children is not the same as abortion. Hence, the two are not "related". You didn't ask this question for information. You asked it to try to force a relation that doesn't exist.

Nice try, though.

Answer 10

They should be honored, the second half of my answer will be answered in 24 hours.