to smoke or not to smoke?

Question

I smoke.. Can't give it up..Tried!
Problem is my wife hates it and the relationship is going down the drain for basically this reason.
My compromise I don't smoke in her presense or at home.
I don't want to loose her and I have not been able to give up smoking. How do I get out of this conundrum?
Have already gone thru one divorce Could'nt bear another

PS been smoking for the last 25 years trying to give up for the last 15

Answer 1

Give up smoking .. not only for your wife, the relationship but for your health (as well of those around you).

Hugs Mel

Answer 2

First of all you can give up believe me, if i can do it anyone can.
Ihave been a smoker for 30+ years and at one time used to smoke 80 or more a day. Then last year i made a promise to my daughter i would give up, and i did. Don't get me wrong this was not easy by any means and took me all year before i finally mastered it. I stopped and started 3 times last year, but as i said it was my year to give up. On the 30th December 2005 i was out with my wife having a drink and on leaving the pub i had just finished a paket of cigs, i turned to my wife and said thats it. I haven't tooched one since. Here is something else that might give you a bit of encouragement to give over. I am only 44 years old and at the begining of this year found out i had got heart trouble, due to smoking 99%. I have just come out of hospital after having a heart bypass, this was all due to smoking, and belive me when i say you don't want to go through that. thats if they find out in time, otherwise you might not have a chioce in the matter. Also if you can go without smoking infront of your wife and not smoking at home you can give upbelieve me. Thats how i started by not smoking at home. At the time when i quit i was still smoking between 20 and 30 a day. It can be done mate, give it a go, you might not do it the first time but don't give up just because of a blip, just do it again and again and again until one day you stick to it. Its not just loosing your wife you have to worry about. THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN HEALTH AND HOW MUCH BETTER YOU WILL FEEL WHEN YOU CAN FINALLY SAY I AM A NON SMOKER.
Also think about putting the money you normally spent on cigs in a jar or something, and treat yourself or your wife to something nice, it soon adds up.
Go far it mate, wish you all the will in the world cause it isn't easy, but is is worth it in the long run.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

Try out the patch or the gum. Seems like your wife wants you around and really doesn't want to play mama to you by telling you to constantly stop. Try your best, look for some other means if those don't work. Talk to a Doc. see if he'll prescribe an anti anxiety drug, that's probably why you smoke anyways right? Too relax, decompress, calm down? A nice glass of wine and a little yellow xanax would probably feel a lot better than inhaling cancer! Try it and enjoy! Tell your wife sorry and show her your new minty breath! See baby, no more smokey breath!

Answer 4

Ive been in the same situation. (Im the smoker) Surely youve told your wife how you feel. Were you a smoker when you got married? I dunno, guess it all boils down to how much you want to put into your marriage. As much as I love smoking if my marriage was that important Id give it up. Believe me I know how hard it is to quit, I did. Although for only 3 years. If you love her and shes going to leave you over smoking.....think about how silly that is. Smoking or someone that loves and cares about you. On the other hand, if you were a smoker when you married, shes being a bit unfair. You have some serious compromising to do. If you decide to quit you cant hold it against her and shes going to have to be oh so supportive, understanding and incredibly patient.

Answer 5

Well you smoked when you met her and don't smoke in front of her or at home so I think she's being really unfair and that there is probably more going on here. Smoking is just the 'issue' she hangs all the problems on, I fail to see how this could be the actual problem when she knew you smoked, fell in love and married you anyway and you make a ton of concessions to accomodate her. Personally I'd tell her to get over it already, it would be like her deciding that your height is the reason for the problems, she knew that when she married you too! Yes smoking is unhealthy, but if you aren't doing it around her its not affecting her, its not like being an alcoholic or drug addict where she has to tolerate you being drunk or stoned. I would love to quit too but this principle is bigger than that.

Answer 6

If you love your wife and she loves you there should be a form of compromise. My wife and I smoke but at one point in time she stopped for 8 years. During that time she never told me to stop but she did not want me to smoke in the house. So when I wanted to smoke I would go outside and we both were happy.
Don't hide the fact that you are smoking from your wife, just don't do it in the house. If that does not work, then stop smoking, go to a doctor and ask him for some help.

Answer 7

It takes the average smoker something like ten tries before they make it. Don't say you can't. Just say you haven't made it yet. And try again.

Your wife is watching her husband slowly commit suicide. If she has any love for you, and I sense that she does, this is very painful for her to watch.

You know all the arguments against smoking. Try getting ahold of some agencies, like the Lung Association, that have programs to help. You might also get some medical help.

If you believe in God, praying for help is always useful.

Best wishes and good luck. S.

Answer 8

100% Natural Quit Smoking Magic - http://Go.QuitSmokingMagics.com

Answer 9

Been there with smoking and still there. This is you second marriage. I am sure you 2nd marriage wife knew you smoked. Or did you promise to quite after you got married. Dam been there

Your wife wants you to quite because she loves you and doesn't want you to die from it. She would rather leave you living than to watch you slowly die. You don't want to loose her but you can not stop smoking so you want her to stay with you and watch you die slowly.

You need to get as much help as you can. See a doctor and they might prescribe so really good drugs the help you try to quite. Get to groups. Check with state agencies to see what they offer. Go on line and check. Try to quite. The harder you try the more you wife will see that you are trying. Last but not least ask your wife to help by going to the doctor with you.

Good luck.

Answer 10

See already you have once divorced and now you know very well like your present wife dodnt like smoking.then why are you smoking.Ok you do one thing dodnt try to stop that habbit all of a sudden.You reduce the number of times.Say for example like if you smoke for 10times a day you first try to reduce that to 8 times and gradually by reducing that you will leave that habbit.See smoking is injurious not only for your relationship but also for your health.so pl.try to leave off that habbit.I wish you good luck and good properous in your life

Answer 11

Lol I guess you need to decide if you would rather sit by yourself with cigarettes or stay smoke free and have your wife by your side. I use to smoke..quit 14 months ago. It was the easiest thing and best thing I have ever done. I also know now that kissing a smoker is really gross (even if they haven't smoked for a few hours). So I can understand where she is coming from.Choose your wife man!