How I deal with a divorce I didnt want? But he does?

Question

Me and my husband have been together for seven years and now wants a divorce but I dont want it. How do I deal with this pain?

Answer 1

It is a very difficult time for you. There is so much pain from losing the one you thought you were going to to spend your life with, that it seems unbearable. Please know that as bad as it is, as bad as it seems, it is bearable, and it does get better. I do not know your circumstances, why he wants a divorce, do you have children involved, ext., but the truth is, you need to take care of you. You must eat, if you can't eat your usual meals, try eating a few small meals, even just a few bites. Go to the Gym with a friend or two. Take a week end trip, see some old friends, but do not sit in your home, or apartment and dwell on your loss. This is very depressing. You will feel so sad, and emotional, but one day you wake up, and it is a tiny bit better. This gets stronger every day, as you heal in your heart. Pray," Dear Jesus, help me through this," and he will. Your mind seems to runs all the time like a video tape on fast forward, and you can not sleep more than a few hours a night, but this to shall pass. It is a good thing to have lunch with a friend, or go to a movie, but do not get caught up in a rebound affair. There are classes through many local churches, as well as secular counciling. It works better for some than others. I went through a very sad, depressing divorce after 28 years of a really special life with a very wonderful woman. I was so depressed, it took me three years to actually get over the depression at least to the point where I could function completely again. I went through the whole gamut of how, why, what did I do, on and on, and then I realized, it was not me, it was a change in her life that did not include me or our kids, or the life we had built. So you get over it, remember the good times, and when you are ready, you start looking for your soul mate. Please try and stay positive, count your blessings as they say. Remember, he left you, it is his loss because you are a loving, warm, vibrant, caring person with lots to offer some lucky person, down the road a piece when you are ready. Divorce is a destructive, and soul wrenching experiance, but you will get through this, and you will love again, even though right now, no one can tell you this so that you believe it, but it is the truth. Keep praying, and remember, you are someone special, and all will be good again. I know your pain, and I am praying for you.Take care, chin up, wipe away those tears, over and over till they quit flowing..You are always welcome to email me ..

Answer 2

Firstly, if he wants a divorce, give it to him. If you beg him to stay or create a fuss he will lose respect for you and your upset and behavior will then become his excuse to leave you. Don't give him any reason to feel justified. Rather let him wonder why you are letting go so easily. Then insist on seeing a mediator and do a very cooperative divorce. You can still consult an attorney on the side to make sure you are getting a fair deal. Don't be with someone who does not want to be with you, you deserve to be wanted, so move on. By the way in a State that has irreconcilable differences as a grounds for divorce (no fault States) there is nothing legally you can do to stop the divorce. You can stall it with technical and strategic tactic, but that will only make you look bad and as I said make him feel more justified. Human nature is bizarre, at some point he will regret it, as he will see that the grass is not really greener on the other side. Try it and keep us posted...G'Luck and oh a support group is very helpful. Beware of the "everybody says syndrome," though because your case is unique and like no other, so treat it very carefully when you pursue alternatives. some helpful sites: www.megilamediation.com
www.divorcehq.com www.divorcesource.com

Answer 3

JoAnn, sounds like me twenty five years ago...after 7 years I one day came home to a different person...someone who was mean and wanted someone else...I don't know what happened. I'm not that good at diagnosing relationships, I guess. I thought the pain would never go away..Honestly I cried myself to sleep every night for a long time...then I met someone I really liked and have been with for 20 years.. I trust and love this one so much more. But I'll never forget the hurt I went through.....It's sorta like breaking your leg...you forget the pain ...but there's always a limp there.
Mostly I guess be kind to yourself....lean on your friends..You can't get what you want by refusing a divorce..maybe it's just better to try and move on with your life...I don't know what to tell you to help you other than you will get better and the pain will ease...but I know how you hurt....I'm gay, by the way, if it makes any difference (It shouldn't--we all have the same emotions).
Believe in yourself...one of the hardest parts for me was that not only had I lost the love of my life..I'd also lost my best friend...Take good care of yourself.

Answer 4

Joanne, It is hard on the person that doesn't want the divorce because the one who wants it have already worked though a lot of the emotional issues that you are dealing with. You might want to try couples therapy but if his mind is made up then it will not work. One of the things that helped me was do a time-line of the marriage. It really opened my eyes and that my marriage was truly over. I would take care of yourself first make sure that you have your own credit, and things that are important to you. Get all your financial information together, Checking,Savings,401K, tax returns,Stock/bonds/Deeds,Titles for cars etc. Personal Items like degrees, pictures, things that are important to you. Good Luck

Answer 5

first you can't stop the divorce you can only make it more misserable than what you're going through now. Is it worth it no. Just give the jerk what he wants fast. Start your life by taking the settlement and going to alaska. because 1 there is a lot of single and lonely men there, 2 so you'll never have to be reminded what or where you and your ex did things together.

Answer 6

Unfortunetly, you have to give him the divorce. Let him go, obviously this wasn't meant to be. But hey, who wants to be with someone who doesn't want you back? There are PLENTY more men out there looking for a woman like you. In the meantime, exersise! It releases endorphins, and will make you feel really good. Also, you'll get in great shape, and looking good and being happy are sometimes the best revenge of all!!

Answer 7

To go against the norm in advice, I will first say that I have no answers to make it easy for you. I will state that if you are looking for happiness in any person (husband, family member) you will always be let down. Think back over your life, most people you are close to have either lied, misled and broken promises to you.

Look to the one that has never changed, has always been their for you, if you would just seek him. G-d!

G-d is not reponsible for your husbands actions, sin is (his and yours), sin is always there, it is always in front of your face (as it is with me). I am talking about coveting, adultry (read Matthew 5: 27-28 for better perspective), lieing even pride.

I can say that G-d can restore marriages, but you must TRUST G-d. Talk to him about it, pray! I will pray for you and your marriage.

Answer 8

Is there such thing as a 5 year itch?
Are women affected by this too? whats the chance they will snap out of it beore fileing for a divorce?

Answer 9

its the 7 year itch. hes feeling trapped and is looking for an out. try marrige counseling. but once he's gone, dont let him come back. make him pay for losing probably the best thing in his life.

but for your pain, you can just take it one day at at ime, maybe get a therapyst, or someone you can talk to about it that will actuall listn, not just hear your words.

Answer 10

did he tell you why he wants a divorce? for all you know, he has another woman that he cares about. she might be pregnant or something.

have you talked about it? were you really that happy? or are you scared to be alone? trust me. if he wants out that bad, let him go. all it would do is to postphone the enevitable anyway.

let him go and take things one day at a time.