Just what rules and etiquette should I abide by with regard to my compost pile?

Question

I'm getting complaints about my compost heap. I have a family of 9. I have 6 kids and 2 wives. You could say that we're very "Earthy." Rather than waste water on our toilets, we have decided to simply go out to a compost pile and poop out there. We take all of our refuse from our family meals and add it to the heap as well. We have a menagerie of animals: 2 donkeys, 5 dogs, 13 cats, 1 iguana, 4 parrots, 1 llama, 1 rooster, 2 peacocks, and a chimpanzee. That's a lot of dung! We have started toting all of their crap over to the pile too. It's getting very smelly over by the pile. My youngest, Penelope, who is age 5, has refused to crap on the pile because it is too stinky. My son, Ezekiel, age 26, has refused to poo on the pile because he feels it is unsanitary. I have grounded them both and have started feeding them only bread and water until they decide to contribute. We need the poop for our crops to feed the family. I am very angry. Help?

Anywho... my neighbors are starting to smell the pile. I live on a 3 acre lot in the middle of downtown Salt Lake City. The compost is far away from any other house, but my neighbors claim they can see it from the second story of their houses. When the wind is blowing, one neighbor claims the stench rolls into his house during mealtime. My neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. I think it is within my rights as an American and a Christian to have whatever kind of compost pile I want on my own property. I think it's totally legal.

And don't worry about all the animals. The neighbors love them. And don't worry about how I afford all this. I am an executive vice president of an investment banking firm. I make well over 3 million a year.

Answer 1

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc.
They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children:
Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the
twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a High School drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as, Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two other of the six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and, subsequently
married the Happens Brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced he Schitt-Happens wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.


So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them and say "oh yes I do!"

(Family History Recorded By Crock O.Schitt)

Answer 2

Gidday,
Never ever mix any form of bowel movements to a compost pile. Because you could end up killing your family. You are making a breeding ground for Cholera and who knows what else.

If you want to do a good job of composting then follow these instuctions.

How to Make Compost

There are two types of composting: cold and hot. Cold composting is as simple as piling up your yard waste or taking out the organic materials in your trash (such as fruit and vegetable peels, coffee grounds and egg shells) and then piling them in your yard. Over the course of a year or so, the material will decompose. Hot composting is for the more serious gardener, and you get compost in one to three months during warm weather. Four ingredients are required for fast-cooking hot compost: nitrogen, carbon, air, and water. Together, these items feed microorganisms, which speed up the process of decay.

To create your own organic hot-compost heap, wait until you have enough material to make a pile at least 3 feet deep. Then, to ensure an even composition, create alternating 4- to 8-inch layers of green and brown materials. Green materials -- such as vegetable scraps, grass clippings, and plant trimmings -- create nitrogen. Brown materials -- such as leaves, shredded newspaper, and twigs -- create carbon.

Sprinkle water over the pile regularly so it has the consistency of a damp sponge. Don't add too much water or the microorganisms will become waterlogged and won't heat the pile properly. You can check the temperature of the pile with a thermometer or simply reach into the middle of the pile with your hand.

During the growing season, you should provide the pile with oxygen by turning it once a week with a pitchfork. The best time to turn the compost is when the centre of the pile feels warm or the thermometer reads between 130 and 150 degrees. Stirring up the pile helps it cook faster and prevents material from becoming matted down and developing a bad odour. At this point, the layers have served their purpose of creating equal amounts of green and brown materials throughout the pile, so stir thoroughly.

When the compost no longer gives off heat and becomes dry, brown and crumbly, it's fully cooked and ready to feed to the garden.

Answer 3

You could build an out house over the top of it in a way that the waste can be removed often to another sealed location behind it often enough to help keep odor down. Also try covering the layer often with added soil. I would suggest that no one P's on it as the evaporating liquid will cost a stronger odor. Instead of addind refuse from meals get a large seal able container and cut a small air hole and fill it 1/4 with soil. Then go to a bait shop and get worms to add them in. The worms will eat the refuse and make it even better compost. you an even keep under your kitchen sink if the smell doesn't drift out and it works like a more Earthy natural version of a garbage disposal.

Answer 4

Obviously you are smart. I dont think I caught a misspelling in the whole thing. And clever as well. Well, if you know anything about composting, you dont use human pooh. And when you add anything to the pile, you cover it up with dirt. To make the pile heat up add sugar or dr pepper or coke. Aerate the pile and turn often and keep covering with dirt. No meat eater poop in the pile or you can tranfer pathogens and anaerobic bacteria. Not that it matters because you made this up. Get a life.

Answer 5

If only the energy you used to make up that story could be put into a movie script, you'd have a winner!

Answer 6

what you should do instead is give each member of your household a trench tool. when they crap they should dig a hole at a different location every time and then bury it. this will save the labor of carting that crap around or spreading it

Answer 7

sigh. how droll.