My friend has a great boyfriend, she lives with him. He's good to her & her kid's. He's sweet, stable, sexy & she's so into him & most of the time she feels he's really into her but sometimes (often), when drinking, he brings up his soon to be ex-wife in conversation usually talking about how he ruined his marriage, which she is just as at fault (long story). So anyway my freind feels like he has some unresolved issues and maybe has a slight part of him that wishes he marriage could be saved. As a woman, I kinda agree. I need some feedback on this. Thanks!!
2006-08-26 17:38:57 · 27 answers · asked by maryannmccarthy2003 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well speaking from a divorced perspective, there is nothing wrong with talking about an ex, doesnt mean you always have unresolved issues. Maybe hes making sure he doesnt make mistakes again that he felt he made. You should feel comfortable talking about what happened as long as hes not reliving it continuosly or comparing or putting his GF down. As to wishing it could be saved, depends on who started the seperation from each other, usually if she terminated it there may be some wishes that it was still going on, but Ive never felt that way about mine, and it does take some time to get over things. But then I went into this one making sure that it was something I had no doubts about whether I could live for the rest of my life with her.
2006-08-26 18:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jack J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Mary, I don't think his marriage can be saved, truth be said. I agree on the fact that the guy has unresolved issues with his soon to be ex. I think your feiend should give some time to the guy so that he (and she, too) can think better. I think he just talk about his ex when he's drunk because when he is sober he knows he likes your friend and doesn't want to hurt her, but he's still full of insecurities, not to mention the fact that he feels guilty, which is normal in a break up. Just ask your friend to give him support and comprehension. In time, he'll feel better and will be ready for a new relationship. hope the best for your friend!
2006-08-27 00:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by ilovefrappes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am praying that he does not take what happened out on her if she is part of the reason his marriage is over. You know they always say how you get a man is how you keep him.
Alcohol is a truth serum so if he is saying those things while he drinks he does have alot of unresolved issues that need to be addressed. Maybe he should seek counseling with his soon to be ex first and see where it goes.
It will hurt your friend, but in the end it may be for the best.
2006-08-27 00:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by ladygramblinite 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well true he still has unresolved issues, he needs to find closure too. Depends on how long he was married, she will always be apart of his life, not matter what and will be dragged into conversations until the BF makes an effort never to talk about the ex wife.
In our conscious or unconscious mind we all hope we could have made our marriage work.
2006-08-27 00:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by spidermaniii_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what normal person wouldn't hope their marriage could be saved? seriously. if you think about the reasons you would marry someone, and something happens and it starts to fall apart, wouldn't you wonder what would have happened if things had gone better? and whoever said that a man can't be broken up over a divorce? i'm sure he probably feels horrible that his marriage is ending, and he might really love your friend and her kids. but getting over a marriage will take time, and your friend needs to understand that. also, this man obviously needs to stop drinking, or he needs to do it away from your friend and the kids. he shouldn't be talking about his ex with his new girlfriend. i highly doubt she wants to hear about it
2006-08-27 00:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by mysweetshadow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I don't think that he wants to save his marriage. If you say 'a part of him does', I may also agree - however, it's not about saving the marriage, it's rather about setting things right, be a better man. I wouldn't treat it as a threat to the current relationship - I think it actually shows his will to improve himself, which can hardly be judged. You know when one person dumps another or cheats on him/her, that person starts to think - 'why, what did I do wrong?' I think that's exactly what's going on with that guy, he just doesn't want to repeat the same mistake twice.
2006-08-27 00:45:06 · answer #6 · answered by Negotiator 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably means exactly what he said. He's probably not real clear on just exactly what went wrong, and is worried it might happen again. Your friend shouldn't take this as a personal thing. The ex doesn't even really come into it except as the symbol of "the marriage" not working. He sees it as a personal failure. He probably doesn't see as clearly as you do just what was going on. Maybe you could help him clarify this.
2006-08-27 00:51:28 · answer #7 · answered by R. F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol tends to bring out people's true feelings. I think your friend should confront him about his feelings toward his pending divorce when he is sober. Divorces are hard. You go through many stages: denial, blame, the what if's, etc. He's having a hard time dealing with his divorce and may secretly resent your friend since she may be slightly at fault (whatever you meant in your question). I think it is a bad idea for him to get involved with someone so quickly since his divorce is not even finalized yet.
2006-08-27 00:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he still loves his ex wife. There is nothing he can do about it because he and her have already moved on with someone else. I feel that if he breaks up with your friend, maybe he will want to go back to his ex-wife (if she is single). You never know. My question is will your friend accept the face that her boy is not really over with his ex?
2006-08-27 00:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes alcohol can bring out the truth. I think he has some unresolved issues too.
2006-08-27 00:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by Rico 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋