he smokes too much, he pops pills and he drinks. Not every day, but very frequently. But he is the sweetest man alive and very sexy. The best lover I ever had! He's my best friend and he has alot of problems. He is not going to change. Is there any hope?
2006-08-26 16:37:59 · 46 answers · asked by flowwjoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I forgot to mention I dont do drugs
2006-08-26 16:39:16 · update #1
Sorry chickie, but the only way to live with men like that is to join them. If you don't join them, they will eventually dump you for someone who does. So, for your best interest, dump him. If you could see pictures of women that have been on drugs for a year or two from the before pictures, you would be shocked. I only know this because I work in law enforcement. I see the real life images of women who were beautiful only a year or two before. Don't let some guy, no matter how much you think you love him, make you end up in same result. You sound like a really nice caring woman. There are some really nice guys, nice looking and actually wanting a caring woman in their lives. Obviously dumping him means dumping the friends that participate in same activities. You won't find the really nice guy in that crowd. Get rid of him and his friends and good luck
2006-08-26 16:45:31 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpea 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes he has a problem,and so will you if you stay with him,because all of that sweetness,sexiness and the loving will stop if it hasn't already.It will turn into abuse,mentally and physically.You will become the supporter of his habits.You may not see it now but you will and worse.Get out NOW.Hope,There is always hope.But you can hope until you turn Blue in the face,unless he admits he has a problem and be ready to do something about it,all the hoping in the world won't do any good.The best thing you can do for him is to let him go and Pray for him.
2006-08-26 17:09:06 · answer #2 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there any hope that he will stop? I depends on his motivation. I would be more concerned for you than for him really."He's really wonderful and the best thing that ever happened to me except for the fact that he is acting like a loser..."
If the pills and drinking interfere with his life such as his relationships, his work, his parenting, his finances, then he has problem. The question is not if he will change, but if you want to tolerate that kind of behavior and be with that kind of man.
If it is a problem for you but not for him then you are left with a decision. Do you want a man in your life for whom drinking and pills are the priority?
Many people get sober. If he wanted to he would. How long do you want to wait for that to happen? There are many very good websites that address addictions. Check some out. I think you may have a new perspective. You cannot make him act differently or help him until he decides to help himself.
You yourself may want to consider counseling/support such as Al-Anon or a counselor to explore where you want to go with this. Regardless, I feel for you and wish you the best.
2006-08-26 16:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People don't generally change. Never date a guy because you assume he'll change for you. You could be the sweetest person on the planet but it isn't going to cause a person to change. That has to come from the inside. If he's addicted to drugs and you choose to stay, prepare to avoid pregnancy. Prepare to make excuses, prepare to watch others in your life move forward while you stay behind. It's not worth it. Move on for your own sake.
2006-08-26 16:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by BeamMeUpMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is hope. He could change. My husband was an addict (serious, all day ever day) for the first four years of our marriage, and I even had a daughter. It was horrible, but he was such a wonderful person. I didn't feel like it was fair to leave him since i knew he really couldn't help it. he wanted so badly to be clean, but just couldn't. Then he started turning to the Lord and he is clean now. We have two wonderful children, and he is the best father. I'm so greatful that I didn't give up on him. Maybe you could try to introduce him to a church? Just a thought. Four of our other friends who were seriously addicted to heroine and pain pills are also clean no, due to the church. I would love to talk more, contact me if you want. Good Luck Girl.
2006-08-26 16:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by mamabird 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you cant change anyone but you an help them change. those relationships are the worst to be in because nine times out of 10 its the drugs that have them acting the way they do for you to love to be around them. when they are sober that's when the problems start if there isn't help. (rehab) they also tend to get violent so help him well try too. and if you cant then help your self by getting out before it becomes a serious problem. show him that he doesn't NEED drugs to get through life. even bargain. let him smoke weed but get rid of the hard stuff. hope i helped.
2006-08-26 16:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by dynasti_404 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to give up on people... but taking into consideration all that he's into... I would move on. I don't know how old you are, but try to imagine the road ahead for yourself. If you have goals in life, can you achieve them being with this person? Are you in a position to devote time (sometimes years) to see him through this? Does he even recognize that he has a problem? You said he's not going to change! You don't want to wake up one day and see that you've wasted your life hoping for someone else to change theirs.
If you want to experience a healthy relationship... get married... have children... or just travel the world and succeed in your career... you won't be able to do them with him in tow.
I know it's the hardest thing to hear... but cut your losses and move on. You can still be a friend to him. Just don't give up your quality of life to adopt his.
2006-08-26 16:44:38 · answer #7 · answered by VixenMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie listen to me please and don't get mad at the messenger. He probably is "not" going to stop. This is not good.
You do not do drugs... for a reason. You don't want drugs in your life. As sweet and sexy as he is, there ARE other sweet and sexy men out there that can give you more and not be a drug addict.
Living with a drug addict or alcoholic is not a healthy relationship. You need to be strong and leave him, for yourself. Have enough love for yourself and respect for yourself to move out of this situation.
I will hold the good thoughts for you.
2006-08-26 16:42:16 · answer #8 · answered by 'Barn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope, sorry but he's a sinking ship, stay with him and you go down too. So what he's sexy and good in bed, there is a lot more to life than that. You know very well that people like this don't change unless THEY want to and all you get being involved with them is hurt. Maybe otherwise he could be a great person but he didn't choose the otherwise, he CHOOSES to be a f*ck up!
2006-08-26 16:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure I'm gonna tell you what you already know..That their is no future with someone like this unless he is willing to get help.And I would definitely not want to bring kids into this situation.It is dangerous and can lead to to very bad things.Just think on one of those occasion he decided to go out for some beer after popping them pills and killed a family of 5 ..He would go to prison forever and have to live with that guilt..There our allot of people out there with this same problem try looking up alanon for some more help..God Bless..
2006-08-26 16:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by Love Song 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋